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callum-evans
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[9955813]
[2009-03-14 20:42:59 +0000 UTC]
"I see the assassins have failed"
(United Kingdom)
# Statistics
Favourites: 30; Deviations: 21; Watchers: 16
Watching: 13; Pageviews: 5481; Comments Made: 218; Friends: 13
# Interests
Favorite gaming platform: PCTools of the Trade: Pens, pencils and a big computer to spellcheck everything.
Other Interests: Reading and writing
# Comments
Comments: 37
so.... deviantart told me you just turned 18
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALMOST COMPLETE STRANGER!
hahah
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wow... i... i just don't know what to say!!! thankyou so much!!! wow... uhm... i wasnt expecting that xD uhm... thankyou so incredibly much you supremely kind person!!!
is there anything i can do in return...???
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Hey. I checked out a few of your poems, and here's some general crit:
-Your endings are the best part of your poems. They wrap everything up nicely, and are quick to the point.
-Your work...lacks subtlety. Or art. Or whatever you want to call it. While this works fine every once in a while (like your endings that are so good), it gets boring. It's not clever. You throw around strong words, like "love" and "hate" and "ugly" and "meaning" and "angel" and "demon"...they don't help your work. What it looks like is someone who is desperately trying to be deep.
-Another thing to do with art...try thinking more about how the words sound together. Your poems will flow much better. A little bit of assonance, consonance, alliteration, or internal rhyme can go a long way.
-Cut down on the adjectives. These get really repetitive...a few good, well-placed adjectives are all you need (This will also help with word economy). A better place to put description is in the verbs you choose, since you're probably going to use a lot of verbs anyways--think about it. When you talk to someone, you use way more verbs than adjectives, right? Here are a few little sites that explain it better than I could
[link]
[link]
Keep working at it. You have some awesome ideas, you just need to refine them. One last tip: Pick up some stuff from the poetry section of your library (the more recent, the better). The more poetry you read, the more you'll understand what works and what doesn't. Good luck!
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Hey, really appreciate the comment and feedback, thanks!
I'll try to bear a lot of what you've said in mind; I agree that I certainly do use a lot more adjectives than I need, and probably to ill effect.
However, I do disagree with the, perhaps, 'overly-technical' approach to poetry; I very consciously try to avoid the use of assonance and consonance etc. as I feel such devices can get in the way of what I believe poetry really is. That comes from my study of poetry for my english class; I found that for all the technical brilliance of the poems in the anthology, about 90% were awful and unenjoyable (at least for me).
Nevertheless, I will try to take on board what you've said to improve my work
Thanks again!
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You're welcome! Thank you for the points, by the way, I didn't expect that at all 
I know how you feel about reading anthologies, especially with the older works that conform to a rhyme scheme and meter. But I think if you were to check out recent poetry from a library (that hasn't yet made its way into an academic anthology) you would find poems that are technically brilliant in a way that's subtle and enjoyable. On the other hand, poetry like yours does have potential to be successful...Bukowski's being a prime example. So it all comes down to what you want to do
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it's been too long since you posted something new. i am going through withdrawal.
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Ha 
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excuses, excuses. you'd better be sorry.
but it's ok. i understand being busy. it happens. glad to see more of your stuff is up. if you'll excuse me, i am going to go read it.
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i like all of your poems, but i don't recall any... happy ones. do you have happy poems? i would like to see one.
PLZ??????
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HAH you have the same name as my brother.
sorry. random(: hahahhaa
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Then your brother is a cool person
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yep. hes one awesome 5 year old.
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not a problem! it's nice to find a writer i like on here. i find it to be harder than finding visual artists.
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Omg I love your gallery so much! <3
You deserve a Llama Badge. C:
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omg you gave me like a million things! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for the 
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Hello Random Deviant! Hope you enjoy this llama badge and the watch
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Hello Callum,
Some really good stuff on here.
What's Dougal 000 mean ? Queer plz ?
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Probably me taking about 30 years to scan all his stuff in
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Thanks a bundle ^^
Loved that photo of the waterfall btw >.>
(Faved it
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