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AdonaelThe Ink Line
Published: 2014-03-05 22:53:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 4928; Favourites: 84; Downloads: 0
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Description Back in the first house I called my home,
I spied a map in the front window.

A glimpse,
Encoded and golden,
It spoke;
it's language the places I visited during the Summer.

We used to save the fish there,
Keep them from being caught by rogues
With eyes like toads,
Preying on the animals
By feeding them corners to huddle up in.

The Ink Line;
A place where lost time
Met frost vines,
Encompassing a lake
Made of
Gorgons’ eyes –
I froze...just looking at it.

Years passed. I read the tale of Gilgamesh,
Convinced he was speaking to me –
mostly. No, I'm certain.

"Paradise always felt lost to us" he’d say
"It’s why, as children, we sought it out each day."

And I knew the Ink Line was the place...

That warrior brought me dreams, warned me about a serpent
Due to appear in between the ripples of the water
And the reflection of the full moon.
It would consume me whole,
Digest me to places where you could only pay boatmen a toll.

All leading to a world of colossus with rifts and dreams
Where nothingness kisses the sedimentary.

I’d wander in,
Wading through rivers, sticks,
My thoughts waning thin.
I'd blame my being ten years young,
How I'd surrendered to naivety
For facing the right way
Wrong.

I guess I thought I’d glimpsed something...
Maybe some "immortality"?

Or maybe the word is too vague to capture.
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Comments: 45

primalfuryan [2014-05-15 05:38:37 +0000 UTC]

Your artwork has been graciously featured in Titans Genuine Literature feature ,stay wonderful!
fav.me/d7if01o

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Adonael In reply to primalfuryan [2014-05-20 16:15:22 +0000 UTC]

Wow! Thank you very much. I wish I could be on here more frequently to enjoy it, but my appreciation is still very sincere. Have a wonderful day!

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Peonies18 [2014-05-09 18:45:58 +0000 UTC]

Hey, I was you got a DD, that's awesome! And congratuations! I don't really know anything about poetry, otherwise I would try to give some helpful feedback. But anyways, I really like this book, the imagery and the style of writing is very nice! 

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Adonael In reply to Peonies18 [2014-05-20 16:18:56 +0000 UTC]

Yes it certainly took me by surprise!

Thank you for the happy comment, especially after admitting you aren't sure on how to comment on poetry. I can certainly sympathise. It's not easy to do, so I really value the fact that you did!

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Peonies18 In reply to Adonael [2014-05-21 16:51:14 +0000 UTC]

I bet!

Oh your welcome! I'm trying to get better at it, but since I don't know what all to look out for besides maybe the flow of the poem, its hard for me. But I'm trying to teach myself a whole bunch of things this summer, poetry included! So I figure reading other people's poems and comments is a start.

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Adonael In reply to Peonies18 [2014-06-30 23:55:54 +0000 UTC]

The best way is to read as much as you can. Even if you don't comment on the work itself, it's good progress.

But if I had to give out one pointer, I would say it's to remember that no single word in a poem is an accident. It was chosen for a reason

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Peonies18 In reply to Adonael [2014-07-02 01:40:41 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for the advice! That is a good pointer, I haven't thought of that before, but I will definitely remember that! Some of my friends are poets and now that I think of it, they do spend a lot of time on their word choice. 

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Adonael In reply to Peonies18 [2014-08-02 21:53:11 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad I could help. As a person who writes a lot, I feel like a ramble too much xD

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Peonies18 In reply to Peonies18 [2014-05-09 18:46:47 +0000 UTC]

Saw you got* this poem* 
Oops my bad on all the typos! D:

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TheGalleryOfEve [2014-05-03 03:30:05 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!!

I’m very happy for you!!!

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Adonael In reply to TheGalleryOfEve [2014-05-05 17:26:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. I was very surprised to see that all these comments...it was then I noticed the DD bit, but even so, still a little unexpected xD

I hope you have a lovely day

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TheGalleryOfEve In reply to Adonael [2014-05-13 21:10:05 +0000 UTC]



Thank you my dear, you too have a lovely day!!!

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Adonael In reply to TheGalleryOfEve [2014-05-20 16:47:51 +0000 UTC]

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red-moon-rabbit [2014-05-02 22:11:16 +0000 UTC]

Goddammit Adam how many of these DD's are you going to get

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Adonael In reply to red-moon-rabbit [2014-05-05 17:25:46 +0000 UTC]

I swear down...I had no idea I had received a DD until just now and I can also emphasise my innocence in the matter. It wasn't intentional xD

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red-moon-rabbit In reply to Adonael [2014-05-06 00:00:19 +0000 UTC]

Haha, well it most definitely well deserved. A fantastic poem!

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Adonael In reply to red-moon-rabbit [2014-05-20 16:46:52 +0000 UTC]

Ohhh you're too kind

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Beltaneh [2014-05-02 19:31:59 +0000 UTC]

You truly created such beautiful images
Thank you very much for this

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Adonael In reply to Beltaneh [2014-05-05 17:24:42 +0000 UTC]

They are very vivid memories. I'll remember those days for the rest of my life. That in mind, I'm overjoyed to hear you enjoyed reading it. I was worried the piece was overcomplicated

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Beltaneh In reply to Adonael [2014-05-05 20:20:28 +0000 UTC]

I'm not a native English speaker, so I had to read some of them twice. But still it did not meant much trouble in the "flow" of the poem

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Adonael In reply to Beltaneh [2014-06-30 23:52:58 +0000 UTC]

I'm flattered it communicated so well to you. If I may ask, what is your native language?

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Beltaneh In reply to Adonael [2014-07-01 20:53:03 +0000 UTC]

Actually both Catalan and Spanish

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Adonael In reply to Beltaneh [2014-08-02 21:52:23 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow; I'm jealous! I always wanted to learn Catalan, especially after visiting Barcelona and discovering that my Spanish was a lot less helpful than I'd have anticipated xD

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Beltaneh In reply to Adonael [2014-08-03 08:54:38 +0000 UTC]

Ow, it's always nice when you get a reply that's not "what the heck is that"
Yep.. it always disappoints you when you've been learning a language for some time and it does not work at all in a real setting. And probably in Barcelona they were not too ready to help you practise anything since people is usually pretty tired of tourists (but not of their money, of course!)
If you ever plan to come back and need some expressions translated, just let me know

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lollirotcat [2014-05-02 18:24:29 +0000 UTC]

Love this!! The imagery is amazing
Congrats on the DD!

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Adonael In reply to lollirotcat [2014-05-05 17:23:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it

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lollirotcat In reply to Adonael [2014-05-06 06:05:42 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!!

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MissDudette [2014-05-02 18:13:03 +0000 UTC]

Wow

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Adonael In reply to MissDudette [2014-05-05 17:22:45 +0000 UTC]

I'll take that reaction xD

Thank you very much!

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MissDudette In reply to Adonael [2014-05-05 18:35:46 +0000 UTC]

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Onigumo [2014-05-02 10:25:04 +0000 UTC]

I especially like 

With eyes like toads,
They preyed on the animals by feeding them corners
To huddle up in.

Ooh, imagery. 

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Adonael In reply to Onigumo [2014-05-05 17:22:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

I'm ecstatic that you took that as the main precedent. When we were younger, we practically waged war on fisherfolk (they were hunting the fish for sport and blocking the rivers off to trap them) so we unblocked the rivers a lot. I guess that makes that particular line quite personal, more so than the others

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Annissina [2014-03-08 13:09:00 +0000 UTC]

I wish I could paint what my mind pictured as I read this. Beautiful

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Adonael In reply to Annissina [2014-03-09 15:39:31 +0000 UTC]

With an imagination like yours, I'm sure you could and thank you!

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Annissina In reply to Adonael [2014-03-09 15:52:10 +0000 UTC]

Ah, you're exaggerating my drawing abilities. It was my pleasure

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Adonael In reply to Annissina [2014-03-16 22:25:08 +0000 UTC]

I don't know about that

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Annissina In reply to Adonael [2014-03-16 23:09:07 +0000 UTC]

Aw, you flatter me, but drawing really isn't my forte.

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Adonael In reply to Annissina [2014-03-18 21:44:20 +0000 UTC]

Well I think otherwise, but your opinion of yourself is important so if you wish to improve, you can count on me for support and feedback

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Annissina In reply to Adonael [2014-03-18 22:05:41 +0000 UTC]

Oh, thank you! But I'm not into drawing to be honest.

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Adonael In reply to Annissina [2014-03-28 18:01:55 +0000 UTC]

No worries! Well what you believe is fair enough

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pulbern [2014-03-06 00:34:15 +0000 UTC]

I dig the nostalgia dripping from every line!

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Adonael In reply to pulbern [2014-03-06 22:48:52 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad that came across as strongly as it did, seeing as I invested a lot of my childhood memories in this. Thank you for the comment

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pulbern In reply to Adonael [2014-03-07 01:51:07 +0000 UTC]

Just read it again and it still gets to me.

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Adonael In reply to pulbern [2014-03-09 15:38:26 +0000 UTC]



That comment made my afternoon. Thank you.

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pulbern In reply to Adonael [2014-03-07 01:49:15 +0000 UTC]

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