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AlfaFilly — The Selection - Ch1 Intro pg3
Published: 2010-04-23 05:27:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 8739; Favourites: 75; Downloads: 0
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Next Page: [link]Previous page: [link]
Chapter 1: [link]
FAQ: [link]
Here we go! Last update for the week and last of the Creation story!
And there you all are! Have a chunk of history there for ya. Don't be surprised if any of these subjects repeat themselves later on in the story. :]
Phew, now that this is done I can concentrate on the actual story itself! Hope you guys enjoyed the 3-part update!
I used this texture as a base idea to making my own texture so I still want to give credit: [link] :]
Constructive Criticism, pointing out flaws, and spelling/grammatical help is DEFINITELY helpful!
Copyright © C. "Filly" Boone, AlfaFilly
Do not alter or distribute without permission.
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Comments: 58
Ahh, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed that 8D
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Your link puts me to page 7 instead of the first page.
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That's how it should be (if you read the gallery folder and the description of page 7 itself it states this). Pages 1-6 are discontinued
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I love how it shows the different evolutions the creature goes through.
*Clicks the 
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Wow. That is a neat way of looking at their creation Filly!
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Yet another batch of questions from me. 
The writing in these three prologue pages are from the Holy Texts of Creator, Book 1, Chapter 0.01. How many books are there and how many chapters are in each? How much do you actually have written out? (If you are, anyways.) Will we see more parts from this Ambivian Bible elsewhere? (Holy Texts of Creator is too long to type each time so that's why I called it the Ambivian Bible..That's what it is, right?)
Thanks!You may like answering questions now, but once I'm finished that definitely won't be the case. xD
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It's not the Ambivian Bible but the Bible of the planetary system. Right now it is called the "Mystic" system but that name is to be changed at some point.
Um... I'm not positive how many books or chapters just yet. I know there are at least 3 books. Each book probably contains around 20 or so chapters, depending. (it's Chapter 00.1 not 0.01 btw :'D)
Haha xD
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Well, I knew it wasn't just for the Ambivians, but I didn't know what to refer to it as, so I just went with Ambivian. lol
Whoops! I meant 00.1 not 0.01. xD Sorry!
Thanks for answering, though. :]
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Hey, what exactly does that blue halo disappearing signify?
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Reread it and take a guess. 
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Urm... maybe... Creator's ability to rule over them??? I honestly have no idea about this... XD
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I'm liking the little blurry effect you put in between the evolutionary stages. As well as the memory or Creator (is that right?) disappeared as the Ambivians evolved.
But just one question: do the Ambivians believe in creationism, evolution, intelligent design or what?
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I was hoping someone would pick up on what I was trying to show with that halo.
Good question!
All Ambivians (aside from "The Cult") believe in Creator. As well they all believe Creator made the world. However, unlike Creationism, they do believe in evolution. There are many species that were the "origins of species". These species are still alive and well in present date but many other species came from them and evolved into other species.
Of course some believe various different versions and what-not but ultimately there isn't much debate on the Creation story. The scientific facts and religion surprisingly go well together.
When it comes to Ambivians and other races, it isn't much different but some races believe slightly different versions than others.
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ROTFL I love that emicon XD
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"Or I will smack you like a monkey!"
Kewl. Nice prologue, Filly.
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He would too! No doubt! D8
Thank yooou~
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"gave" instead of "gifted".
Creator SHOULD be captalized since this is a deity and they are always capitalized.
"As said previously, many races and species such as Ambivians did not exist in early times."
The two pages previous kinda blows that point out of the water, unfortunately 
"Ambivians actually evolved from a small cat species, similar to, I'd say, a serval. This species lived in colder regions hunting small rodents. A change in climate ultimately is what caused their change to take place. As the climate became much hotter and more humid, their appearances changed to having having larger ears and lighter coats for deflecting heat in order to adapt (this is still noticeable in present date with only a few exceptions)."
Okay, nothing wrong with this, although the time it tok for them to evolve to adapt to their environment might be a very big understatement.
"Through the evolution they became larger and bipedal."
Because? Not because of the weather change, I hope?
The next part I am going to break down because I realize that I found a lot of mistakes within this kind of reasoning.
"Not only their physical appearances evolved, however. Their intelligence did as well."
Okay, to better answer this, I guess I must know how long it took these cat-like creatures to walk upright. Their intelligence adding up to them walking upright could be a parallel to how humans evolved. One of the biggest things to this would be cognitive thinking.
"Once they became smart enough and began to develop their culture they soared to becoming one of the most well-developed race in the system."
This feels as if this all happened within a day of them realizing they have brains. Now I suppose you're trying to compress this all so it wouldn't be so large, but really, this feels as if this is the ONLY religion that thinks this way, or that it was the only dominating religion ever since they managed intelligence beyond hunting and gathering.
Let me use a human parallel. Humans have endured many types of religions and cultures, which change in time or dissappear or become fused to another religion. This society would feel more alive if this were the case, if there were more than just one religion, or that there were mentions of past religions.
But don't feel too bad about this. This is one of the most common things in sci-fi, in which one planet has one culture, one religion, one society. People probably wish it were so, but it's impossible realistically.
"Then, of course, once life became easier and the hierarchy was established, more "luxurious" concepts were being thrown around,"
Well...I studied a bit about cultures and the idea of luxury was being added at around the same time there were developments.
"such as varying coat and hair color, and let's not forget those tails~"
Since the planet looks very much like earth, the bright color patterns wouldn't necessarily fit in, even if these animals have long since adapted. I still think that dyes and encouraging deformities of th tail would be better.
This has to be one of the longest things I wrote on your prologue pages. Sorry, but you needed critique
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I think originally that usage of "creator" was referring to an actual creator, not Himself. Like "I'm your creator". Should it still be capitalized in that regard as well?
And hey, don't worry about the length! The longer the crits the better in my opinion.
Yeah, I had considered giving all the worlds multiple religions but ultimately it conflicted with a lot of my written works (don't ask). I suppose you can say there is multiple denominations though. Much like how Christianity has all different kinds of belief systems. All the religions worship Creator as their god but different races worship different Spirits. Ambivians worship Spirit Ultimate, another race called Tillanix worship the Spirit of Childbirth, etc.
As well there are different denominations within races such as different reasoning behind how things work in the world and morality (as example some Ambivians don't believe in giving or receiving gifts, others believe obesity is a sin, etc.) There are only two (third is being considered) other smaller religions where Creator is not involved. These will become heavily apparent and in focus throughout the comic as time goes on.
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Capitalize "Creator".
And maybe use the gradient tool instead of the brush so much? 'Cos I can totally see the strokes. Also, cleaner sketches and see if you can get the style to be blocky-er, that'd look cool. Like Aztec.
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Oh pfff how did I miss that?
Oh eww, you're right. It didn't look like that on my desktop (darker monitor). I'll try and smooth it out a bit so it doesn't look so brush-like.
That's actually a pretty good suggestion. I didn't want the style to be too identical to, say, Egyptian looking or anything but a bit more stylization wouldn't hurt. :]
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noice!
i love the little Darwin background info there!
and the cat is so cute >:3
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Ohh...a dark Creator, he is.
Sounds like he might throw a giant flood at them if they misbehave. XD
Boy, the use of the word "it" can really mislead people if your not careful with it.
As a student of English Language & Composition, I would avise you of such witty diction for others may not be able to grasp it.
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Surely seems it, don't it?
You make a good point. xD
What would you suggest I change it to?
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Well, you could change "it" to what you really want the word to mean.
There are several items you could use to replace that word.
See "it" is a word the writers use to simplify difficult reading, but determinig it's meaning is a challenge in itself.
The way you used it could suggest something like "...do not forget who gave you your intelligence to you." or "...gave you your peace of mind..." or "...gave you your free will...", and it goes on and on to infinty. Yes, infinity.
I suggest you to change it to something more precise, BUT...I also suggest you could leave it the way it is.
I mean you don't have to change it; I only advised you about it.
What I'm tryig to say is: avoid using "it" if you want your readers to understand exactly what's going on and what may happen.
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OH wait, you meant the second balloon? I thought you meant the first one. Cause it has the "it" usage as well. Should I change both or just one?
Yeah, I think originally in my head I was looking at it as if the pages were right next to each other in a book format sort-of. Cause in that way it wouldn't be that confusing cause the pages are right there. I didn't consider the fact they are separate and someone might have forgotten what was spoken about in the last page. Either way, it is indeed something to change!
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I meant "You should 'change' one, both, or neither..."
Hehe, oops sorry.
Stupid grammar mistakes...
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You should one, both, or neither by what you want.
If you want your readers to know exactly what you mean: change the word "it"; if not: leave it the way it is.
I just wanted you to know that you are definitely gonna get some people to get the wrong idea, no doubt about it*.
Whether you want that or not, it's your choice.
*Fact - On the AP English Language & Composition Exam, they definitely have questions that refer to the word "it" and you have to figure out exactly what "it" can possibly mean.
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Great! ^^ I'm still here to help if need be. 
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I'm glad you are! I may ask for your opinion on a couple upcoming pages I'm still having trouble with. So if you see a note from me in the future, look out
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So their all a sub speice of cat? Neat! Kinda remind me of spore!
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The bar things, they have that in Spore!
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many welcomes to a friend! 
lol sorry i is such a nerd
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lol WE SHOULD START A CLUB! IT WO- wait no. they already did that. lol we're on it now.
lol
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