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alwayzdazd — Too Many
Published: 2003-10-04 12:28:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 773; Favourites: 13; Downloads: 372
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Description
I know what lies ahead of me tonightIt's all been added up
Now all I have to do
...is jump
But before I do
Can you take me away
Tell me when to breathe
Listen to what I can't say
Everything that is behind
I've torn it completely apart
..Still thinking that somewhere
I'll find the pieces of my heart
But now...
Too many knots are tied
Too many lips have lied
Too many times I've tried
Too many voices inside
Comments: 51
me likey.. sorry im a bit late on commenting ive been.. in a bad mood you might say. keep writing, as always.
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This is beautiful my darling precious beautiful girl.
I adore it.
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Long time no see, its been a while since ive been able to come here and its nice to see youre still writing amazing art. keep it up.
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cliche?? I disagree....I think it's real....it's sorrowful and honest....that's the problem with people life and words...so much has already been said and done..if you ask me breathing is cliche, but we do it anyway.....I think it takes a brave soul to spill such emotions and thoughts and my heart goes out to ya.....if you do jump, I hope you land on a cloud of cotton candy
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I really like this. It's very emotional and powerful.
Too many knots are tied
Too many lips have lied
To many times I've tried
Too many voices inside
I really like that part
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very nice poem. I like the picture you chose to go w/ it.
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This is awsome!
I think I'm going to have to follow the crowd and +fav this one too!
The last 4 lines are wonderful!
I love people who take time to think about the positioning of there words - how the poem looks, ot just how it sounds, and you've done this well so good work!
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it does sound lyrical, its very pretty and well written and does have that sad appeal, I very much like this. good work ^_^
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This sounds lyrical... is there music to go along with it? It would fit really well. I like it.
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an interesting piece, but you could definately improve it but paying more attention to technqieu. The repetition and italicising of the last four lines is unecessary and actually dims the effect you are going for. If you de emphasized them it the effect would be more powerful.
Hope this helps
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wow so manyemotions inside of that pice. the words the pauses it puts so much emotion into it i love it your writting is awsome!!!
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Raw indeed... but as such the strength of emotion can make for a very deep impact... and you always do write so well... 
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really like the way you finished this one,and the tone you set with it. well done
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Love the rhymes in this. Really sad sounding, but you've done great with it.
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Sounds like a linkin park song. Nothing creative.
That's why I don't like it.
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And I dont know if thats you in the screenshot or not, but if so, I love your eyebrows.
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Thanks for the comments; they are greatly appreciated. And yes, that is me in the photo....decided to scare people who read my work.
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Oh hush. thats not scaring people.
You're a cute girl
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I like the structure of it.
the words are quite nice too.
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very emotional and serious. if it's the best you can do, then you sure as hell are amazing..i can't write like that.
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Sorry it took me so long to read this; life got in the way.
I do think this is well done, though it seems a bit cut off at the end. The emotions aren't lost, it just seems a bit short.
You can trust. You can love. It's ok. Though I think you know this, as I can see that it's more of a background thought in the poem.
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well, firstly, there's nothing wrong with raw oetry. some of the most powerful poetry i've read has been raw... wilfred owen for example. 
any way.. this is certainly raw, no doubt about that, but it needs refining in places. the second stanza for example is the weakest, in that it has no strong connection with the former or latter stanza.. it stands out, but doesn't solidly describe anythingm it merely suggests... this is generally a bad thing, as a stanza that stands out ought to on the basis that it is seeking to enforce the intent of teh poem.. imagery etc.
not bad... just needs a little work.
sarah
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ohhh...this is so0o0o wonderful!! Very powerful and moving..great piece..this is def a fav 
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raw and wriggling with life, this piece builds up quickly and simply explodes in the end. once again you have managed to create something that just melts in your mouth while it still retains its complete and unfading flavor. I can't imagine what great works i have missed in my absence from DA, but i am surely glad that i was lucky enough to catch this one. you are, and will always be, superior to me in this beautiful craft... but i guess what is more important for me to say is that i've missed you babe. p.s. plus fav
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Simply stunning, my dear. Beautiful work yet again. The set up of the lines is nice, and unusual, which I like.
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Hi Dear Beth,
I really love this but I, like you are not sure where it is going. Daring to take the plunge and yet holding back. This is the story of my life!! As you well know.
I hope you are going to be oh so happy and still be able to write such soulful verse. Sometimes we must bleed for our craft to reach others.
You have asked about My Teacher........it is over! It pained me but being ignored is something that I don't do well.
Take good care, My Dear!!.......
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There are three voices inside you just have to pick the one to listen to - it's that simple
This is an interesting exploration... even those who try to control the future do not see all ends and by trying to see become trapped and unable to act.
Test the water with a toe and if it's too cold ask a monk for a lift
A great verse.
Valar.
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This is nice, I like it. The ending is the best!
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I will say what you cannot,
I mearly look in the mirror
watch my soul
what you cannot say
I speak loudly
for pain
has burned shame
from my soul.
~Kyle
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And from the depths I will drag it forth......
Shame is forgotton....pain renewed
I loves you
~Bethany
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you are that voice inside
the poem was like a whisper of rage, bordering on exploding with it, but all the while holding it back
i can just hear Jonathan Davis (korn) screaming at the end of it
too many voices inSIIIIIIIIDE!
rar.
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Simple? HA! You popular liar you.
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great poem. like you said, raw. you get your point across very well, and so many can relate - its excellent
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I'm glad you're back. I've missed hearing for you. This is excellent and very moving. I especially like these lines:
Tell me when to breathe
Listen to what I can't say
That really hit home. Great poem. Hope you are doing okay
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the endin is very powerful. and i agree that it is very strong.
"hopin for the best, just hopin nothin happens..." -taking back sunday "cute without the e (cut from the team)"
it's a love song but your poem brought about that part of the song that i think would make sense for me ta say.
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excellent structure. i love the tone in this poem. it sticks out to me, its very emotional and personal. very good.
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Too many knots are tied
Too many lips have lied
Too many times I've tried
Too many voices inside
fantastic finish.. really sums up what your trying to say
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wow...
now THAT I can relate too. How many times have I looked back at the ruin that follows a relationship, only to have everything all apart because of a lack of understanding...or compassion....
*hugs* excellent. A definite fave love.
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wonderful. sorry ive been quiet lately. im back! 
I may be asking you to read some of my stuff soon, im getting back into writing.
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