Comments: 11
ColonelFlagg [2009-01-31 09:12:50 +0000 UTC]
A well-written piece of erotica. It's rare to find something written by a woman that taps into both basic female dominant/male submissive fantasies that is genuinely sensual rather that making the woman "strange" and the man a freak. By the date of submission and those on the comments, it's unlikely you'll follow it up but I'd be intrigued if you did.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
JesseBlackrock [2007-08-25 08:19:44 +0000 UTC]
To be brutally honest... it's one of the best I've seen on DA. It's slow-pacing is what I like best. It's tantalizing. I'd really like to see more. I also like how it is written in the second person.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ccris3 [2006-09-18 01:45:57 +0000 UTC]
it makes me horney, keep at it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
silvergabetha834 [2005-05-29 19:18:01 +0000 UTC]
sounds good so far... only thing is that he seems very docile and willing for someone whos body is " reacting in ways that you don’t want it to." still it's very sexy and i want to read more.
On a more gramatical front, it's bad form to use "you" indicating the reader as a character. It's probably better to go with a stricktly third person perspective. You can still disclose emotional reactions from one point of view more than the other (known as limited third person) or you could have him describe it from a first person persepective if you still want the reader to have his and only his view of things.
Other than that the descriptions and grammer are great and flow beautifully. It was easy to read and compelling. some of the better erotica lit on DA. Have you checked out *AsThouWilt yet?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
plushmonsterofdoom [2005-05-22 03:47:25 +0000 UTC]
sexy... i wanna read one bout Kalo... *big grin*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
CaffeineQueen [2005-05-09 15:21:46 +0000 UTC]
Oh Wow, i must say this is wonderfully sexy! (mmmm)..
Now for a bit of critique. I'm not tooo sure why but my brain kept noticing how many times "She/her" was mentioned.. Just a little mental snag and it's nothing too big, but i'm wondering if it's possible to reduce the number of times "she/her" is mentioned? Perhaps instead using her name a few times, and switching back and forth since currently it seems to kind of interrupt the flow.
Other than that, It's bloody awesome!! (Kind of reminds me of the Claiming of Sleeping beauty series ^_^ )
👍: 0 ⏩: 1