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angrymeatball — Thank God It's Not A Sitcom
Published: 2009-06-19 02:17:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 304; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description “Ben, stop poking me,” Nikole said, all ready annoyed by having been jabbed with a pencil thirteen times.  
“Why?” Ben asked.  “It’s fun.”  He slowly inched his pencil toward her again.  He was bigger than she was by far, and he was confident that she wouldn’t do anything to stop him.  Still, he meant no harm in it; he just liked to annoy her.  
Nikole turned to her right.  “Do you have any of your knives with you?” She asked, half jokingly to her rotund companion Eric.  Eric was a fan of blades and often boasted about his collection.  
“Sorry, not today,” he said.  “Why?”
Nikole flipped her dark, curly hair to face Ben.  “Because,” she said, still speaking to Eric, “if Ben doesn’t stop poking me, I’m going to cut his balls off.”  Ben’s hand froze for a moment, then poked her anyway.  
“God damn it, Ben!” Nikole almost yelled.  
The teacher cleared her throat.  Nikole looked up.  “Nikole, perhaps you know the answer?” Nikole gave a helpless look and meekly shook her head.  The teacher sighed.  “Next time, pay attention.  Eric?”
“Hydrogen bonding,” he said.  
“Thank you,” the teacher said.  “At least someone is listening.”  
“I wasn’t really,” Eric said to Ben and Nikole.  “This is the easiest chapter we’ve had all year.  Basically, the answer to everything is ‘hydrogen bonding’.”  
Ben laughed.  “Hydrogen bonding.”  He poked Nikole with his pencil again.  
“Why must you do that?” she demanded.  
“Hydrogen bonding,” he said.  
“God I hate you.”  
Eric laughed at this.  
“What’s so funny?” Nikole asked.  
“A thought just occurred to me, and a rather disturbing one at that.  If we were in a novel or sitcom, you would end up falling in love with him.”  He motioned towards Ben, who was almost entirely oblivious to the conversation.
“What?”  Nikole was horrified.  “No. No no no ew no no ew.  No.”  She started hitting Eric.  “Never say that again.  Ever.  Why would you even think something like that?”  
“How could I not?  You two have this natural enmity, this perfect ‘I hate you, you hate me, let’s have sex’ thing going on.  It’s story magic.”  
Nikole hit him again.  
“Fine, look at it this way, then.  He does this to you every single day.  You can sit wherever you want, and you can get up and move anywhere, but every day you still sit right here, next to him.  I offer to trade seats with you, but you say no, that you’ll deal with it.  What am I supposed to think about this?”
“Anything but that,” she told him.  
Eric sighed in defeat.  “Fine, whatever you say.”  
“Yeah, and I say that if you keep talking like that, you’re paying for my therapy.”  

Nikole got little sleep that night.  Eric’s words reverberated inside her head, and she was image after image of her and Ben.  These visions were the worst nightmares she could ever imagine.   Throughout the next day, she glared at Ben with eyes full of rage, and he would look back at her in confusion, as he never knew why it was that she was angry at him.  As she passed Eric in the hallway, she would glare at him as well, occasionally punching his arm.  Eric merely laughed.  When chemistry came around, where Eric had made his ‘innocuous’ comment the day before, she avoided looking at either of them, instead trying to purge her mind of the memories from the previous day.  
This continued for several weeks, perhaps months.  It went on long enough at least for Ben to stop noticing the glare, and for Eric to stop laughing.  On one particular day, she was looking at Ben, as she often did; his short hair, the same color as hers, his wide shoulders, his thick yet muscled frame, his…
It slowly dawned on Nikole that as she looked upon Ben, her eyes had softened; no longer a steely glare, but a gaze.  All at once, she realized that she ‘gazed’ at him frequently, and could close her eyes and summon each of his features to her mind from memory.  Then, just as suddenly as before, she realized why this was: Eric had been right.  Through no real fault of her own, what her pudgy friend had said had slowly wormed itself into her mind, where she thought of it several times a day for many weeks until it had become the truth.  She had truly come to love B-
“Ahhhhhh!” Nikole screamed, sitting up in bed.  As she caught her breath, she groped around in the dark for her phone.  She opened it, only to discover that it was the middle of the night, not twelve hours after Eric had spoken the most disgustingly horrible sentence she could imagine.  Her mother stepped half way through the doorway.  
“Are you alright, sweetheart?” her mother asked.  
“Yeah mom,” Nikole said.  “It was just a nightmare.  A really bad nightmare.”  
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.  I’m fine.”  
“Ok.  Good night,” her mother said, leaving.  Nikole settled back into bed.  
“I hate that fat son of a bitch,” she grumbled to herself, then went back to sleep.
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Comments: 11

PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:00:27 +0000 UTC]

lol... it just seems pompus when you use your own name in something that really happened... and awkward.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angrymeatball In reply to PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:08:14 +0000 UTC]

Only half of that happened. The second half, the "Nikole got little sleep" bit, was just something I suggested to torment the friend in question.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PhoenixFalconsbayne In reply to angrymeatball [2009-06-20 01:12:16 +0000 UTC]

well, one would imagine that your friend might not get much sleep in that situation... i certainly wouldn't until i put it out of my mind...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angrymeatball In reply to PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:19:10 +0000 UTC]

She hated the idea. I thought it was enormously funny. So did Ben, at first. But he started to realize how he would be portrayed in said sitcom, and he started liking it less and less.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PhoenixFalconsbayne In reply to angrymeatball [2009-06-20 01:25:07 +0000 UTC]

lol... and i wonder why...? i'd be afraid to find out what i'd end up as... likely the slightly psychotic next door neighbour...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angrymeatball In reply to PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:30:34 +0000 UTC]

That would be awesome. As in real life, I am the eccentric, bizarre, and slightly overweight best friend/sidekick.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PhoenixFalconsbayne In reply to angrymeatball [2009-06-20 01:42:08 +0000 UTC]

i normally get frustrated when i try to cast myself in any role. i can do just about anything i get around to doing, provided i can put my ego/nervousness aside and actually do it. my friends all have cut and dried characters, but when they try to find one for me, i'm always "... hm, you're everybody."

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angrymeatball In reply to PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:50:00 +0000 UTC]

I seem to fit into the oddest role available.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PhoenixFalconsbayne In reply to angrymeatball [2009-06-20 01:50:47 +0000 UTC]

meh, at least you've got a spot ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angrymeatball In reply to PhoenixFalconsbayne [2009-06-20 01:57:29 +0000 UTC]

We can write one in for you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PhoenixFalconsbayne In reply to angrymeatball [2009-06-20 02:03:19 +0000 UTC]

^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0