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Audax-Nox — Nox Part 5
Published: 2008-01-09 01:13:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 308; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Description I was anxious to get to school-probably for the first time in almost a century.

Alice came to my side. “You shouldn’t be worried. She won’t say anything.”

I let out a breath. “I hope so.”

Rosalie passed me in the hallway, not saying a word. Even her thoughts were blank. I hadn’t had a chance to apologize to her yet. Emmett had his arm around her waist.

‘You screwed up this time, Edward. Fix it.’

Rosalie and I rarely got along. Carlisle teased that we were like oil and water-predispositioned to not be able to get along. I felt remorse for my actions, I truly did.

But Rosalie was not likely to give me a chance to apologize.

I searched the minds of everyone Bella talked to. She kept her word, I was aghast to find out. Some expressed doubt that I was next to her, they didn’t remember. Bella easily persuaded them otherwise.

I was astonished.

“I don’t know why you are so surprised,” Alice told me at lunch. “She said that she would keep her word.”

I shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“You’re being such a ninny, Edward.”

I wanted to demand from Bella why she kept her word. I wanted to know why she insisted on the truth when she told the lie. I wanted to know why I couldn’t read her mind. I wanted to know why I wanted to spend every moment with her.

Her scent hit me again. The venom spilled in to my mouth, my teeth longed to sink into her skin.

I hated myself.

She was wise to not talk to me today-I thought that I had conquered the monster, yet he raged inside me, wanting desperately to take her.

I ran after school, wanting to forget the day. I should have been happy, Bella had kept her promise and we wouldn’t have to leave suddenly in the middle of the night. Yet I was miserable.

I came home, finding the house empty. Carlisle was still at work, Esme at a meeting of hers, Jasper, Alice and Emmett had gone hunting.

Rosalie was in her room, trying to find an outfit for tomorrow. I felt that I should apologize for my behavior yesterday, it was remarkably ungentlemanly of me.

“Rosalie?”

“What do you want, Edward?” She asked me irriatably.

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“Oh.”

“It was extremely uncalled for-what I said to you. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“You were right, you know,” she whispered. “I wish someone had been there for me.”

“I know, Rose.”

I left quietly, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Of all of us, Rosalie had the hardest time accepting what she was.

I wondered what Bella Swan was doing-no. I couldn’t think about her. I saved her once, now I had to leave her life. She was safer without me complicating things.

As much as I wanted it to be otherwise.

I played my piano. I hadn’t played in so long, I realized. I picked it out of boredom, needed something to fill my time. I let the music take over, letting my mind wander, letting it work itself out. I found myself thinking about Bella again, her facial expressions, the way she smelled, her bizarre reactions to things.

“It’s beautiful, Edward,” Esme said behind me.

“Hmmm?”

“The piece you were playing. I think that is one of your best.”

I hadn’t noticed. I hoped that I would be able to replicate it.

“Rosalie told me you apologized to her.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad. I hated seeing Rose so upset.”

“Emmett will be happy.”

Esme smiled. “Yes, he will. He would do anything for her.”

She smiled at me again, gliding upstairs. She thought me smitten with Bella Swan. She wanted me to be happy and she thought Bella made me happy.

Bella made me miserable.

It wasn’t her fault. If I had been normal, if I had been human, then I would be able to spend my time with her. I would be able to talk to her, be with her and not fear that in one second I could kill her.

I started to hate school again. It meant that I would see her-it was like an alcoholic being forced to enter a liquor store for a good part of his day.

There was a dance coming up-girl’s choice. I wondered how many dates one could realistically have, as it seemed that Bella Swan’s admirer all planned to ask her. Newton was first. He made sure that he got to class early so that he could chat with Bella before Biology started. He practically did cartwheels in his head, ecstatic that Bella and I were not going out. He was planning to have it stay that way.

“So,” ‘keep your cool ,man, keep your cool,’ “Jessica asked me to the dance.”

“That’s great! You guys will have a lot of fun.”

My interest was piqued. Why wasn’t she accepting his offer? She seemed friendly enough to him.

She would be safer with him.

I left that errant thought, concentrating on the conversation between Bella and Mike.

“Why did you do that, Mike?” Bella asked. She was angry-her brow was furrowed and she was frowning.

‘Because I wanted you to ask me!’ his head screamed. He merely shrugged and turned red.

“Well, I was wondering-if you were going to ask me.”

My God-how I wanted to know what she was thinking! I wanted to know how she felt about him, about me-

I needed to stop thinking this way.

She looked at me and I knew that she had no feelings towards Mike.

“I think you should tell her yes.”

I was elated. I wanted to laugh in delight-she had turned down Newton.

Newton looked at me-hatred in his eyes. ‘Damn it, I bet she asked Cullen.’

“Are you going with someone.”

“No,” she said firmly. “I’m not going to the dance.”

‘What? Why is she lying?’

Newton was a fool. She was telling the truth.

“Why not?”

She shrugged, looking down at her hands. “I’m going to Seattle that day.”

‘So?’ “Can’t you go another weekend?”

“No, I’m afraid not. You should go tell Jessica you’ll go with her. It’s rude to keep her waiting.”

‘She thinks she’s too good for us-just like the Cullens.’ Newton thought. He was justifying. His ego was hurt.

“Yeah, ok.”

Why did she do that?

I openly stared at her-not caring if she saw, not caring if anyone saw. I found myself wondering what she was thinking-wondering what her feelings were, wondering what my feelings were for that matter.

There was always a prevailing thirst in being a vampire. Above all, I craved blood.

Now I felt other things, primarily jealousy. I never felt the sheer possessiveness of the emotion, how much I wanted to grab hold of Bella and proclaim her mine and no one else’s.

I couldn’t ignore her anymore.

It was as simple as that.

“Mr. Cullen?” ‘Finally, Cullen isn’t able to answer a question. Finally, they aren’t so perfect.

“The Krebs Cycle.”

Mr. Banner continued to try to find a fault, eventually giving up to continue the lecture.

Bella continued to stare at me-I didn’t want to look away.

I never wanted to look away.

I continued to wonder what made her say no to Newton. Every boy in the school wanted her. Why wasn’t she involved with someone?

The bell rang. Before I realized what I was doing, I spoke.

“Bella?”

She froze. I thought she would ignore me. The thought was devastating-the thought that there would be a wall between us, a wall she erected because she wanted nothing to do with me.

“What? Finally speaking to me again?” The petulance in her voice was unmistakable. It was amusing, I forced the smile to not show itself.

“No, not really.”

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Was I really that horrible to look at? Did she see the monster where others saw beauty?

I wanted her to look at me. I wanted her to see me-the man behind the monster.

“What do you want, Edward?”

What did I want? I wanted to spend every moment with her. I wanted to figure out the mystery that was Bella Swan.

I wanted to conquer the bloodlust I felt for her.

I had to apologize to her. I had to make her see it was better this way, no matter how much it hurt. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being rude. Please, it’s better this way.”

Her eyes opened, unveiling the hurt that my words caused. I wanted to beg her forgiveness, I wanted to tell her that if I could have it any other way, I would.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, controlling the emotion in her voice.

She dug the dagger a little deeper. I had to do this. It was better this way. “It’s better if we’re not friends.”

Her eyes flashed with anger, the two volatile emotions creating storms in her eyes. “It’s too bad you didn’t figure that out sooner,” she hissed, “you could have saved yourself a lot of regret.”

What in heaven’s name was she talking about? “Regret? What do you mean?”

She looked at me like I was a simpleton. “For not letting that stupid van crush me.”

Of all the stupid-how could she-didn’t she realize-“You think I regret saving your life?” I wanted to strangle her.

Bella was almost as mad as I. “I know you do,” she snapped.

How could she? Didn’t she realize how much I gambled to keep her alive?

She was an idiot. She truly was an idiot.

“You don’t know anything,” I hissed.

She wanted to tell me that I was wrong, yet she clenched her jaw, grabbing her books and attempting a dramatic exit.

She tripped, her books went flying.

Out of instinct, I collected them, having them in a stack before she even realized what I’d done.

“Thank you,” she snapped.

I glared at her, I had yet to fully internalize her accusation. “You’re welcome.”

I wanted to throw my fist into a wall-anything to satiate the fury that I felt.

How could she think that I wanted her dead? If her blood had spilled-I would have exposed my family and while we did not live in the times of witch hunts, we were not accepted in normal society.

I would have never seen her blush again, never watch her eyes light in anger, never hear her mystifying responses to my questions, each answer blossom into a thousand more questions.

I wanted her. Not just her blood, but her. I wanted to spend every moment with her.

I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I could keep myself in check around her. Even then, she would start to ask questions and I would want to answer. I would have to watch her grow, watch her move on with her life as I stayed the same, eventually having to leave, only to return after everyone else was dead.

She had her whole life ahead of her.

I wouldn’t sully that for her.

The school day finally ended. I made my way to the Volvo, wondering why my brothers and sisters weren’t around also.

‘We’re coming, Edward. You wouldn’t want us around anyway,’ Alice said, answering my unspoken question.

I saw a boy named Eric-he was in Bella’s English class-sulk away. He’d asked Bella to the dance, with the finesse of a bull. Eric was replaying the scene is his head, it was quite amusing.

I felt Bella’s gaze on me-I felt another surge of anger at her assumption of my heartlessness.

Then I heard Crowley’s intentions.

‘She’s turned down Mike. That has to be a good sign. He’s too pretty anyway. Didn’t Jessica Stanley ask him? Oh well. Maybe she was planning to ask me. Mike was talking about how she probably asked Cullen, but-‘

I couldn’t listen anymore. I got into the Volvo, cutting in front of her, wanting to watch to see what she would say to Crowley.

There was a line forming behind her. Crowley made his move.

“I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m stuck behind Cullen.”

Crowley grinned. “It’s ok. I wanted to ask you something, while we wait here.”

She looked irritated. “What?”

Crowley mistook her irritation for interest. “Will you ask me to the spring dance?” ‘Say yes, come on, say yes.’

“I’m sorry, Tyler, I won’t be in town that day,” her voice was sharp.

‘Keep your cool, girls like confidence.’ “Yeah, Mike said that you told him-“

“Then why did you bother asking?”

‘Crap. She’s angry.’ “I thought maybe you were letting him down easy.”

Her irritation was radiant. How could Crowley not feel it. “I really am going to be out of town, Tyler.”

‘Deep breath, Tyler, deep breath.’ “It’s ok, we still have prom.”

Her eyes flashed with anger again. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Jasper demanded.

“Nothing,” I said between laughs, speeding towards home.

“It’s that Swan girl again,” Rosalie said. “You created a backup to watch the Swan girl.”

“Why?” Emmett asked. “She isn’t that remarkable.”

“Edward likes her,” Rosalie explained. “After all, he almost exposed us for her. If that’s not love, I’m not sure what is.”

“I enjoy being talked about like I’m not driving,” I said irritably. I wished they weren’t so flippant about Bella. The situation was a difficult one.

“Edward, I could have told you that she was interested in you. Did you really have to be completely dense?” Alice asked me.

I gritted my teeth. Alice’s gifted could get annoying.

“Do you really have to go hunting tonight, Edward?” Alice continued

“Again?” Rosalie asked. “You hunted two days ago!”

“I need to,” I said tightly. “If I’m going to be around her, I cannot possibly be thirsty.”

“This is an awful lot of trouble for a human,” Jasper complained. “Can’t Edward-“

I snarled, snapping my teeth at him.

“Edward!” Alice yelled. “Stop it!”

“You’re in love with her,” Rosalie said in wonder. “I thought it was an obsession with her blood-but you truly love her.”

I didn’t answer her. I couldn’t deny it but I didn’t want to confirm it.

“I apologize for my behavior,” I told Jasper. “It was an overreaction.”

“It’s ok, little brother. All of us are protective of our mates.”

“She is not-“

“Oh, Edward, give it a rest. She is,” Alice said. “I see it.”

For once, I didn’t want to know what else she saw.

“What is going on?” Esme asked. Concentrated as I was on the revelations my sisters offered me, I had not noticed her presence.

“Edward is in love with a human,” Rosalie sing-songed, leading Emmett upstairs.

“She’s very nice though,” Alice mused. “It will be fun.”

“What will be fun, Alice?” I asked her tightly.

‘I’m not sure that I should tell you.’

“Tell me.”

“She’s going to be one of us, Edward.”
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Comments: 3

moose2swan [2008-07-31 19:17:57 +0000 UTC]

Thess are really, really good!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MedusaDari [2008-03-12 00:07:54 +0000 UTC]

I'm pretty fascinated by this. Just thought you'd want to know

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

krackels89 [2008-02-15 23:29:47 +0000 UTC]

I like this one as well!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0