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BeatryczeNowicka — Miniature: On the path
#miniature #nearfuture #otherside #shortprose #shortstory #veryshortstory #literaryminiature
Published: 2020-01-31 00:50:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 259; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description One more time Alice had to take a break. She needed to rest and drink some water. Coming here in April seemed a good idea, but this year heat waves attacked earlier than usual. Her smartphone has been ringing all the time, receiving weather alerts and recommendations for people of her age. Alice turned it off. The sky was clear. If there was a storm, she would get along. And, apart from the official warnings, no one would ever call her.

The empty road looked wavy in the hot air. Long time ago it was a popular tourist path, but a lot has changed since Alice had spent here her summer holidays. Old woman recalled the landscape with green arc of the Mountain, dominating over the town and closing the north horizon. Of course, the Mountain was still there, but it wasn’t green anymore. Spruce woods died and now the land was covered with brownish shrubs, which were more tolerant to drought, pests and sudden storms. Forest stream, over which young Alice used to sit with a book, disappeared, leaving only dry stone bed. The town grew poor deserted by tourists. Abandoned fields have been overgrown with the thorny plants originating from the south of Europe. Crop-protecting domes could be seen here and there, rare because of high costs of building and maintenance.  

Alice felt tears coming to her eyes. Whole this trip was useless, there was nothing to come back to. Suddenly, she noticed the spot of green in a valley at the foot of the Mountain. Well, if she got here, she could go a little further.

The spot turned to be the beech grove, which somehow survived the devastation. When the elderly lady went into the wood, she felt the longed-for chill and humid air. She took a deep breath, enjoying the scent of the trees. Her hand was trembling, when he touched the silver bark of the closest beech. The stream was murmuring somewhere on her right side, hidden in the bushes. On the big stone near the path Alice spotted pale mark of the yellow tourist path.

Going up was tiring. Alice thought of a time when she was young and fit. She even used to sing during trekking. Old lady hummed one of the old melodies and recalled how she used to imagine elves, dryads and other fantasy creatures, lurking in the woods. Suddenly, she noticed a movement, high up the slope on her left side. Was is another tourist? There was a time, when she would stop singing, but now she didn’t care what they would think about an old, freaky woman.

When he appeared, Alice should have been surprised, even frightened. But she wasn’t. The elf, now coming down to the path, looked like taken right from Alice’s imagination with his blond hair, regular face and green robe. He smiled invitingly and said the words she wanted to hear for all her life:
“We’ve been waiting for you.”
In the past she would have doubts what to choose, but now she had nothing to loose.
“Take me with you” she told, grabbing his reached hand.
The elf raised his left arm and the fog flew down along the slopes, invited with his gesture. Few moments, few steps and Alice with the elf got lost in the mist.


From the internet reports: Unidentified body of an elderly lady was found on a former tourist path. The cause of death is yet unknown. The police refuses to provide more detailed information for the sake of the ongoing investigation.
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Comments: 6

LawrenceCornellPhoto [2020-01-31 10:39:23 +0000 UTC]

Your English is very good Beatrycze
The one phrase I thought could be improved is quite an intricate grammatical point. 

'When he appeared, "Alice should be surprised", maybe even frightened. But she wasn't.'

The way I was reading it I would probably have said

'When he appeared, "Alice should have been surprised", maybe even frightened. But she wasn't.' 

As I said, this may be down to the way I was reading it. The way you wrote it does work but I think it doesn't say what you meant to say. It is a subtle difference and I really hope neither you or anyone else thinks I'm being unfair. What you wrote does work as a sentence, I just don't think it is how we would say it in this instance. 


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BeatryczeNowicka In reply to LawrenceCornellPhoto [2020-01-31 19:45:23 +0000 UTC]

Thank you - I'm glad that you think so

You're totally right, thank you for pointing it up.  I corrected it

You see - the whole system of English tenses and conditionals is hard for me. I learnt some rules by heart but often I don't feel the difference. 
(considering not feeling the difference, the proper definite/indefinite articles are far beyond my understanding, as in Polish there is no such a thing)

In Polish there is a construction "should do something" - but it's done by word meaning "should" and only infinite, nevertheless it's about past, presence or the future (that is guessed from the context). There is some form to emphasize that something should have been done in the past - and this have past form of "to be" with proper ending put between the "should" and infinitive, but it's now used very rarely. You rather not hear people saying like that. 

You don't need to try be so delicate That's your language, not mine. You can just simply write "here the grammar is wrong" 

Have a good weekend

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LawrenceCornellPhoto In reply to BeatryczeNowicka [2020-02-02 11:18:22 +0000 UTC]

I thought I was just being polite Beatrycze

I am a very polite person so you might just have to put up with that  

I'll be happy to mention things though.
The thing is, we don't get taught grammar in school in England to any great degree

I know what I suggested to you is right because English is my language but I don't know what tense it is in or what case it is in. 

When I learnt Russian I enjoyed all the rules. To me Russian was easier to learn then English. 

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BeatryczeNowicka In reply to LawrenceCornellPhoto [2020-02-02 19:36:55 +0000 UTC]

Well, I'm just respecting your time

And I'm also writing book reviews for internet portal, so we have correction there (even if I try, sometimes I do some mistakes in my own language) and there people just write "change this" "this sounds bad", "I would change this into that". 

You don't? That's strange. When I was a kid I had 5 lessons of Polish language each week in my primary schoo for 5 years and two of these hours were for grammar - parts of speech (verbs, nouns and so on), parts of sentence (object, subject...) and as in Polish, especially in literature, very long sentences built from sub-sentences are popular we had to draw graphs representing the relations between the certain sub-sentences for given examples. We had special exercise books for it and often had a homework - lot of tasks from these books to complete for the next lesson. Apart from that when I look at internet comments on Polish portals I got totally depressed how the people there "wound" my mother tongue, which was a shame cause people were dying for us to have the freedom to use our language. 

Polish is more difficult than Russians cause they have less types of patterns of endings adding to words and in Polish core of the word seems to be changed more often too, not only the ending. But the main rules are quite similar. 

And both in Russian and Polish is one past time - for which you have: Past Simple, Past Continuous, Past Perfect, Past Perfect Continuous, Present Perfect Continuous and mostly Present Perfect (for things that started in the past and still are active we use present time, especially when it's about living and working). So for me judging what should be the right Tense in English is often complicated. 

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xjames7 [2020-01-31 02:02:47 +0000 UTC]

Very good Beata!

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BeatryczeNowicka In reply to xjames7 [2020-01-31 19:51:24 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Peter   

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