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Description
Standing up there had made things better yet the screams below were too loud for me to cope with. You’d called the police as well. I could see them below, trying to move people along. One was up here with me. She was moving closer and telling me things about herself. It’s not like I cared. No one cared about me so I wasn’t likely to repay the favour any time soon.
She told me to come back, that everything would be alright. I knew otherwise. You’d already made me go to a shrink but he didn’t help. He kept forcing me to tell him things that I was reluctant to tell him. So I thought I’d come up here and see how quickly I could get the attention of the only one I wanted it from, my mum.
You see, the thing is, I told my problems to all the wrong people and I always told too much. It’s not my fault. Oh no. I won’t let you blame me. It’s your fault. You never helped when you promised to and you shouted at me for being a long time. You made me go to that shrink so you didn’t have to listen to my problems any more. I wouldn’t speak to him because I wanted you to hear them. You’re my mum. It’s in the job description.
God. That copper takes one more step and I swear I’ll jump I thought. I’d already told her to stay back and leave me alone. But just like you she ignored me too. Probably scared I’d actually jump. She didn’t know the half of it. I often wonder if she has any kids. If she does, I bet she doesn’t listen to them because she totally ignored me. The copper, Chloe, I seem to recall, stepped forward and at the exact same time so did I. I felt weightless and nonexistent until I hit the cold concrete below me. Screams were the only thing that I heard and I remember Chloe scream “NO” before running to the edge of the top storey after me. You looked shocked, like you didn’t think I would do it. You thought I didn’t have the guts. Ironic that. You could see I had then.
The paramedics around me shouted out things. I remember them saying I had a broken arm and leg, a fracture to the skull and a dislocated elbow. Things were fading in and out but I thought I’d survive. I just wanted to shock you, not die. Then again, it’s a nice feeling being dead.
The last time things faded out I saw nothing else. Apparently I was resuscitated but I never felt anything. It was the fact that I’d hit the floor with such force and the shock that made me not respond.
At my funeral you played the part. Acting like you cared I’d gone when we both knew you didn’t. You were glad and so was I. It meant no more depressive teenager to deal with. For me it was a release. Just like when I cut my wrists with your razor blade. You should have read that Daily Mail article closer. I was on of those emos they wrote about.
You have to be the worst mothers ever. You shouted at me for being five minutes late. You hit me for being ‘depressive’. You said you had had enough of my fashion sense. You didn’t listen to Nikki’s mum when she told you it was a phase. I would have grown out of it soon. You ignored everyone’s advice as you had too much pride and didn’t realise you was hurting me. Even when I made it obvious.
I only knew about the eighteenth storey car park because I went there often. I stood in the exact same place on numerous occasions, just never jumped. I wanted to. Of course I did. But I never had the attention I craved so much. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be me, to feel fear and pain when someone close to you gets hurt. I got through to you in the end. When I was stood up there looking at you, I knew, if only for a millisecond, you felt scared and upset for me.
I hope you understand what I did now that it has been wrote down for you to read in your own time. It was told by me and is an explanation for you. In theory though, it’s your fault you missed out on so much in my life.
Oh and my GCSE grades came though yesterday, I was there when they were opened. Straight A’s. I could have become that doctor you wanted me to be only if you hadn’t killed me…

Description
Standing up there had made things better yet the screams below were too loud for me to cope with. You’d called the police as well. I could see them below, trying to move people along. One was up here with me. She was moving closer and telling me things about herself. It’s not like I cared. No one cared about me so I wasn’t likely to repay the favour any time soon.
She told me to come back, that everything would be alright. I knew otherwise. You’d already made me go to a shrink but he didn’t help. He kept forcing me to tell him things that I was reluctant to tell him. So I thought I’d come up here and see how quickly I could get the attention of the only one I wanted it from, my mum.
You see, the thing is, I told my problems to all the wrong people and I always told too much. It’s not my fault. Oh no. I won’t let you blame me. It’s your fault. You never helped when you promised to and you shouted at me for being a long time. You made me go to that shrink so you didn’t have to listen to my problems any more. I wouldn’t speak to him because I wanted you to hear them. You’re my mum. It’s in the job description.
God. That copper takes one more step and I swear I’ll jump I thought. I’d already told her to stay back and leave me alone. But just like you she ignored me too. Probably scared I’d actually jump. She didn’t know the half of it. I often wonder if she has any kids. If she does, I bet she doesn’t listen to them because she totally ignored me. The copper, Chloe, I seem to recall, stepped forward and at the exact same time so did I. I felt weightless and nonexistent until I hit the cold concrete below me. Screams were the only thing that I heard and I remember Chloe scream “NO” before running to the edge of the top storey after me. You looked shocked, like you didn’t think I would do it. You thought I didn’t have the guts. Ironic that. You could see I had then.
The paramedics around me shouted out things. I remember them saying I had a broken arm and leg, a fracture to the skull and a dislocated elbow. Things were fading in and out but I thought I’d survive. I just wanted to shock you, not die. Then again, it’s a nice feeling being dead.
The last time things faded out I saw nothing else. Apparently I was resuscitated but I never felt anything. It was the fact that I’d hit the floor with such force and the shock that made me not respond.
At my funeral you played the part. Acting like you cared I’d gone when we both knew you didn’t. You were glad and so was I. It meant no more depressive teenager to deal with. For me it was a release. Just like when I cut my wrists with your razor blade. You should have read that Daily Mail article closer. I was on of those emos they wrote about.
You have to be the worst mothers ever. You shouted at me for being five minutes late. You hit me for being ‘depressive’. You said you had had enough of my fashion sense. You didn’t listen to Nikki’s mum when she told you it was a phase. I would have grown out of it soon. You ignored everyone’s advice as you had too much pride and didn’t realise you was hurting me. Even when I made it obvious.
I only knew about the eighteenth storey car park because I went there often. I stood in the exact same place on numerous occasions, just never jumped. I wanted to. Of course I did. But I never had the attention I craved so much. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be me, to feel fear and pain when someone close to you gets hurt. I got through to you in the end. When I was stood up there looking at you, I knew, if only for a millisecond, you felt scared and upset for me.
I hope you understand what I did now that it has been wrote down for you to read in your own time. It was told by me and is an explanation for you. In theory though, it’s your fault you missed out on so much in my life.
Oh and my GCSE grades came though yesterday, I was there when they were opened. Straight A’s. I could have become that doctor you wanted me to be only if you hadn’t killed me…