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Birdtalon — Whispers in the dark [NSFW]
Published: 2011-10-23 00:31:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 579; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 0
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Description Kill me so slowly…
Slice me so precisely…
God, you are unholy…

These voices!
They won't reply
Simply deny me my sanity
What profanity!
Why is this fucking happening to me?
Oh, Lord
I can't see!
I can't breathe!
I can't understand!
Why I continue to shout your name
When it's you who is to blame!

Drag me so mercilessly…
Fight back defiantly…
I submit unwillingly…

So why must this be?
On the run constantly!
Boarding up the frame work of my head
And shoving knives into my ears
The tears,
Oh the fucking tears!
They wet the floor no more!
Replaced with my boiling blood!
This dam has finally burst
A flood is surging
Emerging is my truth
The determination is impossible
This revelation
Is chasing me with zero hesitation
Catching up to me!
Gaining ground
The sounds!
So sinister!
A mere whisper at first
Then a shrill scream!
They scream!
Oh, how they scream!
Scream!
Screaming to break free!
If turned loose
Hell would be bestowed upon my soul

So these shadows dance in my mind
The last cage
Holding them down
And I suffer from the shadow's relentless struggle
Then, without warning
They'll vanish

So they sleep soundly
Watching from the backs of my eyes
In the shadows of my most inner ideas
Searching for an escape
Seeking my sinister desires
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Comments: 45

Vespillo-Cruentus [2012-02-17 20:13:41 +0000 UTC]

i really like this. i used to do a whole lot of writing myself, though i haven't posted any of it on here. maybe i will now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to Vespillo-Cruentus [2012-02-17 20:23:17 +0000 UTC]

well thanks, and good luck with your future writing

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Vespillo-Cruentus In reply to Birdtalon [2012-02-17 21:04:22 +0000 UTC]

thanks, and same to you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

chickenbonez [2012-01-14 17:05:21 +0000 UTC]

wow this was very powerful. i enjoyed it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to chickenbonez [2012-01-14 20:53:58 +0000 UTC]

thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RollingTomorrow [2011-10-29 02:01:00 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for participating in our prompt at #Live-Love-Write !

This was a very nice usage of the prompt! As far as poetry with language goes, you did a fairly good job of handling it here. It definitely adds to the informal feeling of the piece, which works well here.

One thing that was a bit distracting was the amount of exclamation points you use. It's good to use them to draw attention to the most important lines, but you want to be sure to only use them occasionally.

Nevertheless, good work!


*TheFinalHikari
Founder of #Writers--club , #LandoftheSky , and #Live-Love-Write

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to RollingTomorrow [2011-10-29 15:14:08 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the advice and compliments

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

RollingTomorrow In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-30 02:57:55 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lil-0dd1ty [2011-10-25 05:36:45 +0000 UTC]

my gosh, what a distinct voice. i'd gotten tired of reading these "insanity" poems that just sound like the same sad teenager over and over... now THIS is unique. well done!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to Lil-0dd1ty [2011-10-25 09:47:00 +0000 UTC]

thanks! ^-^ unique poetry is my thing, even though im a teenager xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SavvyPsycho [2011-10-23 13:27:15 +0000 UTC]

This is fantastic! I love the way it all flows together!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to SavvyPsycho [2011-10-23 15:55:24 +0000 UTC]

thanks! thats mah style ^-^

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Schemer66 [2011-10-23 05:45:04 +0000 UTC]

[link] There is a song with the same name.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to Schemer66 [2011-10-23 15:55:39 +0000 UTC]

By Skillet, i know! i LOVE SKILLET

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Schemer66 In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 16:13:18 +0000 UTC]

Meh too!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WalkingSilent [2011-10-23 01:49:03 +0000 UTC]

Great Job! ^_^ not trying to be nosy, but how are things between you and your friend?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WalkingSilent [2011-10-23 01:51:04 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the compliment, and what firend exactly? xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 00:39:54 +0000 UTC]

This is outstanding. I can't believe you got this one 'love it' and nothing else. Seriously. You deserve much more. This is a masterpiece. I even read it although it is fairly long compared to the poems I usually read. You did an incredible job and I hope you get more comments, better comments. Seriously, this is fantastic.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 00:41:48 +0000 UTC]

i totally appreciate it i feel the same way D_D under appreciated XD but really, i think this one is fairly good

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 00:44:31 +0000 UTC]

I think all poets feel this way honestly XP You did amazing my friend. Good luck for your next piece!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 00:45:57 +0000 UTC]

why thank you ^-^ as with you

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 00:48:31 +0000 UTC]

Ah thanks, honestly I probably need it. Too many people want decent writing from me right now. A little overloaded...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 00:50:21 +0000 UTC]

ah, i dont ever realy plan on writting, i just sit down and spill it....a natural kinda thing, not bragging xD

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 00:54:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh no its fine! I'm not bragging either when I say that I do commissions and such for people. (Before people would just ask for something and I'd write it but now I get points lol) I'm an unpublished novelist though

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 01:40:10 +0000 UTC]

no one ever asks for commisions T~T

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 01:44:22 +0000 UTC]

Oh really? I would but all my points go towards giving them away for my groups. I don't keep a single point for myself. That's probably why I get commissions. I'm not a great writer, I'm just decent. You deserve commissions.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 01:45:45 +0000 UTC]

xD Lol why thank you. im not so selfless i like to keep the points for other comissions...spreading the points around^-^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 01:48:53 +0000 UTC]

Oh nice! I hope you consider me at some point then! I'm rather cheap... 1 point gets you a 100-500 word story. Contests are amazing ways to get points though!

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Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 01:51:27 +0000 UTC]

wow D: 1 point? xD no wonder you're overflowing with work

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 01:53:51 +0000 UTC]

Yeah... I'm a cheap (insert derogatory female word here). But I like what I do, especially making people happy with my writing! So far no one has been upset with my work, everyone has loved what they've gotten, which is great because I didn't even know their tastes! Oh shoot... there's one I need to get done as soon as possible since I'm asking this girl for a favor once I'm done with her commission.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 01:56:13 +0000 UTC]

lol, even i wuld ask for, like, 2 points per 100 words of a poem. any style, genera, dedication, or structure

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 01:57:50 +0000 UTC]

Oh... huh, I should add poems to the list. Yeah, I'll go do that, thanks for telling me! but even the really poor can pay me at this point XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 01:59:16 +0000 UTC]

Lol, yuh xD

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 02:06:46 +0000 UTC]

Good luck to you though! And as soon as I get a decent amount of points then I will commission you to write something for me!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 15:56:31 +0000 UTC]

xD Awe, you dont have to ^-^ i do it for fun, and for my future career

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 15:57:28 +0000 UTC]

You want to become a poet with some books published or something?

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Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 15:58:54 +0000 UTC]

ah.....YES

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 16:01:21 +0000 UTC]

LOL Good luck to you!

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Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 16:02:40 +0000 UTC]

thanks, whoch reminds me....i need to get started on my 3rd novel.....o_O

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 16:05:06 +0000 UTC]

Ooh good luck with that. I think it gets easier after the second... I'm on my fourth right now but I'm on a bit of a block.

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Birdtalon In reply to WhatAmItoYou [2011-10-23 16:30:24 +0000 UTC]

xD im sorry, hope u can get some momentum and get going ^-^

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WhatAmItoYou In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 16:31:10 +0000 UTC]

Nah I'll get going eventually. Good luck to you! I hope it turns out well

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got2bheard [2011-10-23 00:33:55 +0000 UTC]

love it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Birdtalon In reply to got2bheard [2011-10-23 00:41:57 +0000 UTC]

thanks! i kinda do too

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got2bheard In reply to Birdtalon [2011-10-23 00:43:33 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome

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