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Tony lifted the glass to his lips once again, the expensive vodka burning down his throat. It wasn't the familiar alcohol burn, no, that he could handle well. It was something else, something worse, that he couldn't define no matter how hard he tried. He filled the glass again and threw the empty bottle at the trashcan on the other side of the kitchen table. The glass broke into pieces and with a deafening sound as it hit the ground, since Tony had missed his target. After a long moment looking at the shards of glass he shrugged and got up to fetch another bottle.

Two days have passed since what happened at the mall, and Tony hasn't left his apartment in that time. He hasn't been talking to JARVIS either, or showering, or eating. The mini bar is almost empty and he groans as he gets back to the kitchen with a bottle of whiskey in hand, not feeling like going out to get more alcohol.

Steve doesn't try to talk to him during those two days and it makes Tony angry and sad and he doesn't understand it. He thinks about it over and over but he can't understand this feeling. He hates it, it's painful.

He thinks a lot about that day and he wants to laugh because Tony Stark is not a family man. It's so ridiculous, and he wonders if it was all a really bad joke, but Peter actually looked hurt and Steve...

Tony can't think about Steve, not without booze around. Every time he thinks about the scared look on the Captain's face right before Tony left, he feels the need to tip down an entire bottle in one go just so he can wipe that image out of his mind. He almost calls Pepper, to ask her if it was true, but she would know just how drunk he was and scold him instead.

'You're hurting us. Especially Steve! And you're doing it deliberately, too! I know you, we both do.' Peter had said. Tony thought about it over and over and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't deny that he really was doing everything on purpose. He didn't want to go to a bar, he didn't want the nurse's or the cashier's number. He didn't want to hook up. Tony felt the need to play the 'gross playboy' because he was getting too close to Steve, he needed Steve to hate him and no matter how arrogant Tony was, Captain America never did. It annoyed Tony to no end.

"Sir," JARVIS called and Tony noticed that he had been lost in thought. "You seem to have failed to hear the doorbell. You have a visitor."

As he walked to the door on unsteady feet, Tony thought of how much he hated when his own AI seemed to sound disappointed at him. It was only when he reached the door that Tony wondered who it could be, but he opened it before his brain could try to guess. His eyes widened and he almost dropped his drink when he saw Peter.

"Well, you look disgusting." Peter said, trying and failing to not show any kind of emotion, and Tony wondered if Steve would have thought the same, concluding that this is what he should have tried in the first place. In the meantime, Peter walked past Tony and let himself in the house. "Go take a shower as I fix you some coffee. I want you to sober up a bit for the talk we're about to have."

Tony laughed. He actually laughed and he didn't hold it back, slamming the door shut and leaning against it. "Hold the fuck up, kid. You can't just come to my house uninvited and start ordering me around."

"I know you don't remember, but this is my house too. And I apologize for not being capable of respecting you when you're this drunk."

"You better be here to apologize." Tony replied, trying for stern and intimidating but the words came out slurred. He pushed himself off the door and headed to the bathroom when Peter didn't reply.

After 15 minutes under the cold running water, Tony wrapped a towel around his waist and looked for clean clothes. The smell of shampoo from his dripping hair didn't mask the smell of strong coffee from the kitchen and he got dressed a little faster, finally feeling just how much he needed the caffeine.

He arrived the kitchen when he was still running a towel over his hair, and he let it fall to his shoulders when he caught a glimpse of the mug on the table. Tony immediately reached for it as he glanced over at Peter, who was leaning against the counter and facing the floor with a frown. When the coffee burned his tongue, Tony wondered if Peter had done that on purpose.

"You can talk now." Tony's words make Peter look up and his expression changes. Tony curses himself for not being able to read him once again.

"I did come to apologize." Peter finally speaks after a long sigh, and it catches Tony off guard. "I had no right to say the things I said, it was clearly not the best for you. Or anyone. But I meant it, and I'm not taking it back, but you're still my father and I didn't have the right to-"

"Stop it right there, that's bullshit. I'm not your father."

Peter sighed once again out of irritation, but kept his tone even. "It's no use denying it now, so you should just accept it."

"I may not remember the last seven years, but I know myself, I wouldn't get married, or have a kid. At least not on purpose."

"Right." Peter rolled his eyes. "You know what you were like 7 years ago. But Steve changed you, and looking at you right now I have to say, I have no idea how he managed to."

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't change for anyone." Tony subconsciously raised his voice, but was quick to clear his throat and tone it down again. "And I don't believe anyone could change me. Not even Captain America."

"You can convince yourself of that all you want, that doesn't change the fact that you are married to him and that you love him."

"Shut up."

"No. It's like I said before, there's no use in denying it now, so you might as well stop pretending that you don't give a shit about us, because I know you do. Steve too, but he's losing faith, and all because you decided to play around instead of going straight to him and tell him that you like him."

"I don't."

"Don't give me that crap! This is classic Tony Stark, trying to get away from the people he cares about. You may as well stop right now because you won't drive Steve away from you."

"I'm not so sure about that." Tony's voice is ridiculously broken and he hates himself for that. "He hasn't tried to contact me after the other day."

"He's giving you time and space. For some reason, Steve is convinced that he's the one who messed up and that you don't wanna see him, so he stays away. He's determined to not speak to you until you recover your memory."

That scares Tony more than he'd like to admit. He has no idea when his memory will be back, it could take way too long, long enough for Steve to forget about him and maybe move on. It's terrifying, and Tony feels silly for feeling like that. He doesn't remember being married to Steve, doesn't remember loving him, and yet he's afraid of losing that.

He's about to say something, anything that would make Peter want to convince Steve that was a bad idea, but the teenage boy is gone. Stark almost wonders if that had been a drunken hallucination, but those usually only happen after the third bottle. He sits down and taps his fingers on the table, his head hurts partially from the alcohol, but Tony knows that's not the main reason.

He tries and tries and tries to remember, by that only gets his headache to grow stronger. He lays his head on top of his arms in the table and tries to think of a plan.