HOME | DD

Description
Your demons were not my demons yet
I found you just the same,
though you never knew it
Along with hundreds, thousands, millions of
faceless others.
With a few sung notes by a crystalline voice,
I gained a new best friend I never met
who never knew me but was always there
for me when I needed them.
You were that foundation, and I followed so
taken as you grafted music into my soul
and heart in a way that could and would
never be silenced.
There has never and will never be another no
matter how many attempt or get close to
filling the void shaped like you.
We spent 20 long years
crammed into 10 short years together
10 years in the shadows listening to every
note and rhyme and all the meaning
between the lines trying so hard to be
the special ONE, thinking I could be,
to excavate some hidden
message-meaning-feeling just waiting
to be noticed.
I knew what it felt like to be ignored and to
not be heard and if you felt invisible I
didn't want to let you feel that and I
hoped you could FEEL me too like I thought
I felt you.
So let me apologize for what I'm about to say
because you held it all and you were
careless when you fell and let it all
fall with you, sucking me into the black
hole wrenched into my heart in the shape
of you.
In cards and flowers and candlelight vigils
and alone in the dark on long car rides
home, millions of aching hearts with
holes shaped like you pump out blood and
tears and cries pleading for your return
that are swallowed by the useless empty
nothing of their holes shaped like you.
So I drive myself crazy spinning 'round and
'round in my messy fucking mind
wondering if there were signs I ignored
and how I didn't FEEL what you felt
because I refuse to believe the hopeless story
built from song titles when
faced with the hope I read-heard-felt in the songs themselves.
I can only feel the hope

I SAW you

Or so I thought

So I'm not angry with you, though I should be
It's not fair

I never wanted to say goodbye

But things refused to go the way I planned
So I try and I try, so hard, and I listen
over and over to the only part of you
that the void shaped like you
can't swallow
Standing at the edge of the yawning hungry
abyss I try to make sense
Try to find meaning or come
to an understanding or to feel solace from
your frozen echoes, and I hear a
promise that one day I'll understand
But right now, I just don't, nor do I know
what to do to get there
No matter how hard I try I just fall apart as
what everything used to mean becomes a
memory under the weight of the void
shaped like you.
So I simply exist
Unable to listen, unable to understand,
unable to slip between the lines to my
most familiar Home
Unable to connect to anything but
that useless empty painful nothing
shaped like you
Because in the end we were made to be apart
in separate chambers of my broken
human heart
A heart that will endlessly love you even
when the line goes flat because my black
hole shaped like you eventually swallows
me whole in the end because one more
brilliant, precious light flickered
out too quickly and snuffed out the sun
around which I revolved, dowsing my days
in impenetrable, shifting shadow
No matter how heavy, I shall perpetually hold
on and continually feed the starving
hole shaped like you with my infinite
well of love I can't help but exude, and
my misplaced anger and confusion, losing
myself in the echoes of your voice,
teetering on the edge of the void
shaped like you because that's the only
you I have left.

Description
Your demons were not my demons yet
I found you just the same,
though you never knew it
Along with hundreds, thousands, millions of
faceless others.
With a few sung notes by a crystalline voice,
I gained a new best friend I never met
who never knew me but was always there
for me when I needed them.
You were that foundation, and I followed so
taken as you grafted music into my soul
and heart in a way that could and would
never be silenced.
There has never and will never be another no
matter how many attempt or get close to
filling the void shaped like you.
We spent 20 long years
crammed into 10 short years together
10 years in the shadows listening to every
note and rhyme and all the meaning
between the lines trying so hard to be
the special ONE, thinking I could be,
to excavate some hidden
message-meaning-feeling just waiting
to be noticed.
I knew what it felt like to be ignored and to
not be heard and if you felt invisible I
didn't want to let you feel that and I
hoped you could FEEL me too like I thought
I felt you.
So let me apologize for what I'm about to say
because you held it all and you were
careless when you fell and let it all
fall with you, sucking me into the black
hole wrenched into my heart in the shape
of you.
In cards and flowers and candlelight vigils
and alone in the dark on long car rides
home, millions of aching hearts with
holes shaped like you pump out blood and
tears and cries pleading for your return
that are swallowed by the useless empty
nothing of their holes shaped like you.
So I drive myself crazy spinning 'round and
'round in my messy fucking mind
wondering if there were signs I ignored
and how I didn't FEEL what you felt
because I refuse to believe the hopeless story
built from song titles when
faced with the hope I read-heard-felt in the songs themselves.
I can only feel the hope

I SAW you

Or so I thought

So I'm not angry with you, though I should be
It's not fair

I never wanted to say goodbye

But things refused to go the way I planned
So I try and I try, so hard, and I listen
over and over to the only part of you
that the void shaped like you
can't swallow
Standing at the edge of the yawning hungry
abyss I try to make sense
Try to find meaning or come
to an understanding or to feel solace from
your frozen echoes, and I hear a
promise that one day I'll understand
But right now, I just don't, nor do I know
what to do to get there
No matter how hard I try I just fall apart as
what everything used to mean becomes a
memory under the weight of the void
shaped like you.
So I simply exist
Unable to listen, unable to understand,
unable to slip between the lines to my
most familiar Home
Unable to connect to anything but
that useless empty painful nothing
shaped like you
Because in the end we were made to be apart
in separate chambers of my broken
human heart
A heart that will endlessly love you even
when the line goes flat because my black
hole shaped like you eventually swallows
me whole in the end because one more
brilliant, precious light flickered
out too quickly and snuffed out the sun
around which I revolved, dowsing my days
in impenetrable, shifting shadow
No matter how heavy, I shall perpetually hold
on and continually feed the starving
hole shaped like you with my infinite
well of love I can't help but exude, and
my misplaced anger and confusion, losing
myself in the echoes of your voice,
teetering on the edge of the void
shaped like you because that's the only
you I have left.