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brassteethThe Safety of Ohio
Published: 2019-05-25 04:55:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 2579; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 0
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Description In the end
through the
dew-drops
rolling down your freckled face
you said

let’s find a place
where things cannot
ever
fall away,

– and I just didn’t comprehend.

By then
I felt only invited
as you surveyed
the broken map
of our histories

so sudden you were
so frantic
to nullify each valley,
to flatten every beating crest
we ever climbed.

I saw, your eyes divine
your blood so urgent
to hammer out
even the minor corrugations
of our pairing.

(By then,
the cold velocity of each of us
had aged our faces
and stole our weight)

So - when upon the table
that yardstick levelled out
your eyes met mine
(for the last and longest time)
and you pointed to a place.


So I guess
I’ll meet you in Ohio
in those flatlands
north of Lima

where all of that
smooth ground
might make us safe.

Where through trembling lips
you told me;

It looks even
in Ohio
in that bare land, north of Lima

so flat it is, so even,
nothing could ever fall away.
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Comments: 23

freyaintranslation [2019-06-17 17:39:05 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the DD!

the broken map
of our histories

A wonderful and unique expression. Love it.

You're relying on the word "so" quite a bit throughout, SO - - I'm thinking it would be better not to repeat it in the fourth stanza. Perhaps: 

so sudden you were 
frantic  ??

Just my thoughts. Your poem, your choice, of course.  Excellent theme and write.  

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brassteeth In reply to freyaintranslation [2019-07-20 10:54:42 +0000 UTC]

Ok thanks.

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hard-to-reach [2019-06-14 19:38:33 +0000 UTC]

Ayyyy I live in Ohio
It is pretty great

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brassteeth In reply to hard-to-reach [2019-07-20 10:54:37 +0000 UTC]

Great stuff!

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LindArtz [2019-06-11 03:06:15 +0000 UTC]

Very nicely done!!

Congratulations on your much deserved DD!  


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brassteeth In reply to LindArtz [2019-06-11 07:38:12 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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Genisay [2019-06-10 09:02:01 +0000 UTC]

I feel like this would make a great song in the vain of something like Smokey Mountain Range or Meet Me In Montana. 

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brassteeth In reply to Genisay [2019-06-10 09:27:39 +0000 UTC]

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nosedivve [2019-06-04 03:26:54 +0000 UTC]

this is wonderful! it's nice seeing you around here again.

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brassteeth In reply to nosedivve [2019-06-04 08:20:36 +0000 UTC]

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LiliWrites [2019-06-01 22:05:02 +0000 UTC]

I've missed you.  

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brassteeth In reply to LiliWrites [2019-06-02 01:22:13 +0000 UTC]

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ikazon [2019-05-29 23:32:57 +0000 UTC]

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brassteeth In reply to ikazon [2019-05-30 07:06:38 +0000 UTC]

 
Thanks.

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ElementalEmily [2019-05-29 12:24:25 +0000 UTC]

I live in Ohio and I can tell you everything here is lush and green and fertile. Mostly flat with some gently sloping hills. It's mostly forests and farms. There are no tornadoes, floods, wildfires, monsoons, earthquakes, droughts or any kind of natural disasters. I truly believe this is the safest place on earth. Everyone I know who has moved away ends up moving back here again.

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brassteeth In reply to ElementalEmily [2019-05-29 20:19:55 +0000 UTC]

Thanks Emily. I love your beautiful description of your homeland. Thanks for the read.

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ElementalEmily In reply to brassteeth [2019-05-29 21:46:41 +0000 UTC]

Thanks to your feature from youin

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YouInventedMe [2019-05-26 02:16:22 +0000 UTC]

Great to see something from you.

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brassteeth In reply to YouInventedMe [2019-05-26 04:40:03 +0000 UTC]

Thank you muchly.

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beeswingblue [2019-05-25 13:54:03 +0000 UTC]

Wow, those closing stanzas! Amazing, and nicely done, throughout. And it's great to see you here.

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brassteeth In reply to beeswingblue [2019-05-25 22:20:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. 

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beeswingblue In reply to brassteeth [2019-05-26 15:22:10 +0000 UTC]

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SouthSydney [2019-05-25 05:41:32 +0000 UTC]

So great to see a new piece from you...!

So wonderful to see your distinct style back on D/Art.

Wow!

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