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Previous: among the wildflowers

Back to work. Back to business. If anything, the show had been a holiday for him. From here forth he had to stick to a strict training regimen. Adam had already given him plenty of crap for the way he had ridden… the owner of the stable had been severely disappointed in him for placing ‘so low.’ Zach had initially thought he’d done okay… he could have taken a rail down, or even fallen. Now he just felt insecure about the entire thing, and he was determined to do better the next time around.
The place was alive as he walked up the path, horses getting groomed and students chatting away. He stood in the aisle for a moment, admiring his home before a squeal split the air. Before he knew it, he was quickly catching Keri in his arms and receiving a showering of kisses on the cheek. “YOU’RE HOME!!! EEEK THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!” She squealed, hugging him tightly still as he set her down. “My Zach is a SUPERSTAR!”

He could do nothing more but to laugh bashfully, shrugging it off when she finally let him go. “It wasn’t much… pretty average, if anything. Mr Moore already gave me an ear load.”

“Oh, just ignore him! You were awesome out there! I’m glad to see you again! No offense though, you kind of look like death. Long plane ride home?”

“Yes, I feel like death! I slept practically the whole flight but… I’m just so, so tired. I think all the excitement wore me out. I thought my heart might stop when I was in the arena, it was racing out of my chest!”

“Well, that’s understandable then. I won’t bother you for too long…” She glanced in the direction of a blonde boy at the crossties near them. He had paused in grooming his horse, looking eagerly in their direction. “But.. before you hang out with your horses, judging by your choice of clothes… I thiiiink someone has been waiting an awful long time to speak with you…” She whispered.

He turned his head, meeting the young man’s gaze with little hesitation. Koby. He exhaled, patting Keri’s shoulder then pulling away from her. Koby perked up in an instant, stepping forward and wrapping Zach up in a hug. “Welcome home, panda bear.”

“Thanks…” His voice was solemn. On one hand, he was happy to see Koby. On the other hand, he knew he couldn’t waste any time with this conversation… not after what happened in Tokyo. He would hate to keep that kind of secret from him, he deserved to know. “Can we go talk outside?”

“Of course.” Koby motioned for Keri to keep an eye on his horse, then followed Zach along. They were silent as they walked, the breeze and calls of horses taking up much of what he had hoped would be conversation. The anticipation was driving him up the damn wall. Nevertheless, he waited. He waited until they had gone all the way to one of the many oak-hickory’s scattered across the property. “I’m so glad you’re back. You look a bit different somehow.” He broke the spell.

“I’m glad to be back.” Zach replied, leaning up on the trunk of the tree. Now was Koby’s chance, or so he assumed. He just had to do it! Confidence was the key! Just put yourself out there!

“I missed you so much. Zach, I have to be honest with you. I don’t want to make this anymore difficult than it should be, but it’s not fair that I keep these feelings hidden-“

“-Koby.”

“No, don’t say anything, please. Just, let me speak… Zach, there is something about us. Something about you, that keeps drawing me back. I’m committed to being your friend, but I want more at the same time. I know we’re broken up… but… my heart won’t listen. I want things to be so different than this… I want to be able to be at your side.” He stepped closer, grasping at the man’s shirt, a sweet smile on his face. “Just give me a chance… I can’t stop this rollercoaster... I’m… I’m falling in love with you, Zach.”

“I slept with someone else.”

The response absolutely floored him. Well, that wasn’t what he was expecting. His expression fell in an instant, his heart plummeting into his stomach as a cold wave washed over him. He was frozen… where did he possibly go from here? “…. I don’t care.” He mumbled almost as if he was in a trance, his eyes becoming distant. He was utterly shattered, but he still wanted him. “We were broken up, it’s fine.”

“.. W-what? Koby, don’t say that. I know you don’t really feel that way. Don’t you understand what I said?”

“Please, we don’t have to think about it. We can just pretend it never happened.”

“I… I can’t, Koby. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I… I don’t know why, but I can’t forget.”

“Who is it?” He felt like he wasn’t even control of himself. He was numb to it all, he just wanted the answers. Were they more attractive? A better body? He could change.

“Why are you even asking that? You know it will hurt you. I’m not telling you either…” Zach slowly tried to move Koby’s hands away from him.

“I don’t understand..” He was trying his best to choke back the tears. He felt like a fool now. Why had he done this? Why did he have to pour himself out like that? He should have known better, he should have seen all the signs. “Why won’t you just let me love you? What did I do to you? Please, tell me, I’ll do what it takes to make it right.”

“It’s nothing that you did, Koby. You have always been amazing. It’s just… where we are at in life. You are so young-“

“Please, not that again. Yes, I’m young, but… I know what I want, Zach.”

“No, you don’t, Koby.” His head was pounding like crazy. “You just turned twenty years old, you have no idea. At your age, you haven’t got a clue about your life and what direction it’s taking you. When I was twenty, I was working on my last dimes, hoping that I could get by with enough to just ride a few horses. I wasn’t even dreaming of any of this. I wasn’t dreaming of riding on an international circuit with my idols. I thought I had my life set when I was twenty. Then, when I was twenty-four, and everything was going good… life threw me another curve. I was going to be a dad, finally. When I was twenty-four, all I wanted was to be a good father to the little girl who I was denied every single right of seeing for eight. Fucking. Years. And when I was twenty-eight, all I wanted was my own dad to be alive. I didn’t care about riding horses, or competing, or romance. I wanted to be at his side, and appreciating every memory I got. And now I’m thirty, and I’ve been on all these journeys, and I still don’t know what I want. I want to pour my heart into my career, to climb my way to the top, to have fun again… but also to settle down. To focus on family… on myself, my life away from the horses too.”

“What if that’s what I want too? You don’t think I want to settle down too?”

“It’s not that.. I know you do, but you shouldn’t right now. You have so many journey’s left to go on. You have people to meet, paths to take. Your twenties will be one of the craziest times of your life. I don’t want you to wake up and regret settling for me. You don’t know what’s out there…” Now Zach just felt nauseous to his core. It was both a physical and emotional sickness.

“Okay…” Koby was defeated, he didn’t want to argue anymore. Maybe, the other man was right in his words, yet it didn’t make this any easier… or erase what he had done. “But I won’t take back what I said about you. I meant those feelings, and… I am hurt. I feel like I’ve been betrayed or discarded. But I meant too that I want to be your friend.. so please, don’t push me away. I just want to see you happy, Zach… that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“And I hate that I’m hurting you… it feels like it’s killing me inside.. I want to make this work, but just as much of me wants to let you go. You know, you let me go… so… I can’t be selfish. I have to do the same for you Koby, even if it tears me apart. It’s not fair to keep you around, waiting for an answer. It’s not fair of me to hold you back from experiencing other things either..”

“I know.” Koby’s gaze dropped. “I should go… but.. you don’t look so well, do you need anything?”

“No… I’m fine…” Zach waved his hand. The young man nodded, unsure of what else to do. He felt weakened. He gave Zach one last hug… one last kiss on the cheek before he walked away from him.

Zach watched him the entire way before he rubbed his face. He knew this was the choice he had to make… but part of him still worried he had been wrong about it all. It felt like a part of him withered, and then died. “Just keep your head up…” He whispered to himself, taking a deep breath. He would survive this. He would pour himself into his training, and then he would leave again. He had plenty of distractions.

The first part was over with. Now, he just had to face his daughter…

I know this story is a bit lengthy so I applaud anyone who read though it!
it really doesn't fit the happy nature of the drawing tho Dx I originally meant for this to JUST be his arrival, and have it be a happy celebration....
but unfortunately, I have a LOT to get done in the next two and a half weeks.
so, i made the sacrifice of combing two chapters - his return, and his confrontation with Koby.

at least we see him smiling. he so cute

zach / koby / keri (c) me

Description
Previous: among the wildflowers

Back to work. Back to business. If anything, the show had been a holiday for him. From here forth he had to stick to a strict training regimen. Adam had already given him plenty of crap for the way he had ridden… the owner of the stable had been severely disappointed in him for placing ‘so low.’ Zach had initially thought he’d done okay… he could have taken a rail down, or even fallen. Now he just felt insecure about the entire thing, and he was determined to do better the next time around.
The place was alive as he walked up the path, horses getting groomed and students chatting away. He stood in the aisle for a moment, admiring his home before a squeal split the air. Before he knew it, he was quickly catching Keri in his arms and receiving a showering of kisses on the cheek. “YOU’RE HOME!!! EEEK THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!” She squealed, hugging him tightly still as he set her down. “My Zach is a SUPERSTAR!”

He could do nothing more but to laugh bashfully, shrugging it off when she finally let him go. “It wasn’t much… pretty average, if anything. Mr Moore already gave me an ear load.”

“Oh, just ignore him! You were awesome out there! I’m glad to see you again! No offense though, you kind of look like death. Long plane ride home?”

“Yes, I feel like death! I slept practically the whole flight but… I’m just so, so tired. I think all the excitement wore me out. I thought my heart might stop when I was in the arena, it was racing out of my chest!”

“Well, that’s understandable then. I won’t bother you for too long…” She glanced in the direction of a blonde boy at the crossties near them. He had paused in grooming his horse, looking eagerly in their direction. “But.. before you hang out with your horses, judging by your choice of clothes… I thiiiink someone has been waiting an awful long time to speak with you…” She whispered.

He turned his head, meeting the young man’s gaze with little hesitation. Koby. He exhaled, patting Keri’s shoulder then pulling away from her. Koby perked up in an instant, stepping forward and wrapping Zach up in a hug. “Welcome home, panda bear.”

“Thanks…” His voice was solemn. On one hand, he was happy to see Koby. On the other hand, he knew he couldn’t waste any time with this conversation… not after what happened in Tokyo. He would hate to keep that kind of secret from him, he deserved to know. “Can we go talk outside?”

“Of course.” Koby motioned for Keri to keep an eye on his horse, then followed Zach along. They were silent as they walked, the breeze and calls of horses taking up much of what he had hoped would be conversation. The anticipation was driving him up the damn wall. Nevertheless, he waited. He waited until they had gone all the way to one of the many oak-hickory’s scattered across the property. “I’m so glad you’re back. You look a bit different somehow.” He broke the spell.

“I’m glad to be back.” Zach replied, leaning up on the trunk of the tree. Now was Koby’s chance, or so he assumed. He just had to do it! Confidence was the key! Just put yourself out there!

“I missed you so much. Zach, I have to be honest with you. I don’t want to make this anymore difficult than it should be, but it’s not fair that I keep these feelings hidden-“

“-Koby.”

“No, don’t say anything, please. Just, let me speak… Zach, there is something about us. Something about you, that keeps drawing me back. I’m committed to being your friend, but I want more at the same time. I know we’re broken up… but… my heart won’t listen. I want things to be so different than this… I want to be able to be at your side.” He stepped closer, grasping at the man’s shirt, a sweet smile on his face. “Just give me a chance… I can’t stop this rollercoaster... I’m… I’m falling in love with you, Zach.”

“I slept with someone else.”

The response absolutely floored him. Well, that wasn’t what he was expecting. His expression fell in an instant, his heart plummeting into his stomach as a cold wave washed over him. He was frozen… where did he possibly go from here? “…. I don’t care.” He mumbled almost as if he was in a trance, his eyes becoming distant. He was utterly shattered, but he still wanted him. “We were broken up, it’s fine.”

“.. W-what? Koby, don’t say that. I know you don’t really feel that way. Don’t you understand what I said?”

“Please, we don’t have to think about it. We can just pretend it never happened.”

“I… I can’t, Koby. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I… I don’t know why, but I can’t forget.”

“Who is it?” He felt like he wasn’t even control of himself. He was numb to it all, he just wanted the answers. Were they more attractive? A better body? He could change.

“Why are you even asking that? You know it will hurt you. I’m not telling you either…” Zach slowly tried to move Koby’s hands away from him.

“I don’t understand..” He was trying his best to choke back the tears. He felt like a fool now. Why had he done this? Why did he have to pour himself out like that? He should have known better, he should have seen all the signs. “Why won’t you just let me love you? What did I do to you? Please, tell me, I’ll do what it takes to make it right.”

“It’s nothing that you did, Koby. You have always been amazing. It’s just… where we are at in life. You are so young-“

“Please, not that again. Yes, I’m young, but… I know what I want, Zach.”

“No, you don’t, Koby.” His head was pounding like crazy. “You just turned twenty years old, you have no idea. At your age, you haven’t got a clue about your life and what direction it’s taking you. When I was twenty, I was working on my last dimes, hoping that I could get by with enough to just ride a few horses. I wasn’t even dreaming of any of this. I wasn’t dreaming of riding on an international circuit with my idols. I thought I had my life set when I was twenty. Then, when I was twenty-four, and everything was going good… life threw me another curve. I was going to be a dad, finally. When I was twenty-four, all I wanted was to be a good father to the little girl who I was denied every single right of seeing for eight. Fucking. Years. And when I was twenty-eight, all I wanted was my own dad to be alive. I didn’t care about riding horses, or competing, or romance. I wanted to be at his side, and appreciating every memory I got. And now I’m thirty, and I’ve been on all these journeys, and I still don’t know what I want. I want to pour my heart into my career, to climb my way to the top, to have fun again… but also to settle down. To focus on family… on myself, my life away from the horses too.”

“What if that’s what I want too? You don’t think I want to settle down too?”

“It’s not that.. I know you do, but you shouldn’t right now. You have so many journey’s left to go on. You have people to meet, paths to take. Your twenties will be one of the craziest times of your life. I don’t want you to wake up and regret settling for me. You don’t know what’s out there…” Now Zach just felt nauseous to his core. It was both a physical and emotional sickness.

“Okay…” Koby was defeated, he didn’t want to argue anymore. Maybe, the other man was right in his words, yet it didn’t make this any easier… or erase what he had done. “But I won’t take back what I said about you. I meant those feelings, and… I am hurt. I feel like I’ve been betrayed or discarded. But I meant too that I want to be your friend.. so please, don’t push me away. I just want to see you happy, Zach… that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“And I hate that I’m hurting you… it feels like it’s killing me inside.. I want to make this work, but just as much of me wants to let you go. You know, you let me go… so… I can’t be selfish. I have to do the same for you Koby, even if it tears me apart. It’s not fair to keep you around, waiting for an answer. It’s not fair of me to hold you back from experiencing other things either..”

“I know.” Koby’s gaze dropped. “I should go… but.. you don’t look so well, do you need anything?”

“No… I’m fine…” Zach waved his hand. The young man nodded, unsure of what else to do. He felt weakened. He gave Zach one last hug… one last kiss on the cheek before he walked away from him.

Zach watched him the entire way before he rubbed his face. He knew this was the choice he had to make… but part of him still worried he had been wrong about it all. It felt like a part of him withered, and then died. “Just keep your head up…” He whispered to himself, taking a deep breath. He would survive this. He would pour himself into his training, and then he would leave again. He had plenty of distractions.

The first part was over with. Now, he just had to face his daughter…

I know this story is a bit lengthy so I applaud anyone who read though it!
it really doesn't fit the happy nature of the drawing tho Dx I originally meant for this to JUST be his arrival, and have it be a happy celebration....
but unfortunately, I have a LOT to get done in the next two and a half weeks.
so, i made the sacrifice of combing two chapters - his return, and his confrontation with Koby.

at least we see him smiling. he so cute

zach / koby / keri (c) me