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Description

This innocence is brilliant,
I hope that it will stay.
This moment is p e r f e c t
Please don't go away.
I need you now.
...and, I'll hold on to it.
Don't you let it pass you by.

I found a place so safe,
Not a single tear.
The first time in my life and now it's so clear;
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here.
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere.

It's a state of bliss,
You think you're dreaming.
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling.
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry.

.....this innocence is brilliant.

this is for you, my Jaelyn Noelle

_______________
yes, several of you may have kind of seen this image of her before. but I did an entirely new edit of the original photo. changed cropping, did softer blending and shadowing on the left. obviously played with some saturation from the original where i'd had stiripped it pale other than her eyes. but, no, no actions were used and all edits made here were done using the last deviation; i didn't have any other "original, unedited" reference photo than that one -- so no, i didn't do any fancy actions or tricks or "cheats" -- i just worked really hard to bring a "life" to her colourless heart she had/had in spite of this loss. though her face now seems slightly more alive? that's just the HOPE, not the reality. not even close. my darling is beyond broken-hearted ... and i'm right there with her

the original deviation has been moved to scraps because i didn't want to delete it or just replace it -- since i still do like elements of it for its original meaning. you can find it here:
[link]
I'm completely open to your thoughts about what I should or should not have done with this image -- share your thoughts!

BECAUSE? miss rockie rocketteeee (of course i mean =nerdynotdirty -- who else is up twittering about at 430am every night?? she and iiii!) made the final decision for me what to do here as far as if I should upload this version ((one that i was quite hesitant about because i used some techniques i've actually NEVER even once tried -- so I was quite unsure.)) SOOO thank ya RockstarRockie! and now you're all free to be the critic!

____________________

and yes,
you guessed correctly,
absolutely all that 'technical babble' about my artwork processing (something you all know i've NEVER done, uh, EVER?) was all just because i could NOT stomach the recurring pain and tears and sickness and loss and pain and bewilderment that went into this (and the original) deviation.
i can't.
i just cannot go there.
can't feel it.

it's shred my heart into far more than two and i'm just 21; i'm no mother. i'm very much a wounded kid myself, even if maturity says i could go run some fortune 500 company. emotionally, i am but five years old and i don't know how to take care of children whose tears slide, hearts crack, and whimpers hit me so deep i feel them in in the pit of my stomach. (......not when i have the same thing happening inside of me; i just don't show it .. or sometimes know it?)
...and, so i don't know how to respond.
just hold them.
hold me.
rock a way.
try a lullabye.
like a rockabye..

.....and whatever i do, always ensure i'll never EVER leave or abandon them.
EVER.

Description

This innocence is brilliant,
I hope that it will stay.
This moment is p e r f e c t
Please don't go away.
I need you now.
...and, I'll hold on to it.
Don't you let it pass you by.

I found a place so safe,
Not a single tear.
The first time in my life and now it's so clear;
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here.
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere.

It's a state of bliss,
You think you're dreaming.
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling.
It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry.

.....this innocence is brilliant.

this is for you, my Jaelyn Noelle

_______________
yes, several of you may have kind of seen this image of her before. but I did an entirely new edit of the original photo. changed cropping, did softer blending and shadowing on the left. obviously played with some saturation from the original where i'd had stiripped it pale other than her eyes. but, no, no actions were used and all edits made here were done using the last deviation; i didn't have any other "original, unedited" reference photo than that one -- so no, i didn't do any fancy actions or tricks or "cheats" -- i just worked really hard to bring a "life" to her colourless heart she had/had in spite of this loss. though her face now seems slightly more alive? that's just the HOPE, not the reality. not even close. my darling is beyond broken-hearted ... and i'm right there with her

the original deviation has been moved to scraps because i didn't want to delete it or just replace it -- since i still do like elements of it for its original meaning. you can find it here:
[link]
I'm completely open to your thoughts about what I should or should not have done with this image -- share your thoughts!

BECAUSE? miss rockie rocketteeee (of course i mean =nerdynotdirty -- who else is up twittering about at 430am every night?? she and iiii!) made the final decision for me what to do here as far as if I should upload this version ((one that i was quite hesitant about because i used some techniques i've actually NEVER even once tried -- so I was quite unsure.)) SOOO thank ya RockstarRockie! and now you're all free to be the critic!

____________________

and yes,
you guessed correctly,
absolutely all that 'technical babble' about my artwork processing (something you all know i've NEVER done, uh, EVER?) was all just because i could NOT stomach the recurring pain and tears and sickness and loss and pain and bewilderment that went into this (and the original) deviation.
i can't.
i just cannot go there.
can't feel it.

it's shred my heart into far more than two and i'm just 21; i'm no mother. i'm very much a wounded kid myself, even if maturity says i could go run some fortune 500 company. emotionally, i am but five years old and i don't know how to take care of children whose tears slide, hearts crack, and whimpers hit me so deep i feel them in in the pit of my stomach. (......not when i have the same thing happening inside of me; i just don't show it .. or sometimes know it?)
...and, so i don't know how to respond.
just hold them.
hold me.
rock a way.
try a lullabye.
like a rockabye..

.....and whatever i do, always ensure i'll never EVER leave or abandon them.
EVER.