Description
Ozzie dished up his daughter’s plates and set them in front of them at the table. He took his own outside on the porch and sat on one of the wooden chairs, staring at the backyard turning to dusk. The sun dipping below the mountains and the crescent moon rising and the stars dotting up in the lavender sky. Lizzie timidly opened the back door with her own plate and sat down in the other chair on the other side of the little table and the wilting plant that rested upon it.
“Nice of you to join me.” Ozzie said gruffly, glaring at her.
“Can we just be civil here?” Lizzie said in monotone poking at her food.
“I’m trying, but it’s kind of fucking hard when you know your wife is screwing another guy in your bed.”
“It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” Lizzie said holding her hand to her chin.
“…So it was going to end anyway?” Ozzie asked taking a bite of his food with a sharp inhale.
“Couldn’t you feel it, Ozzie? The two of us falling apart?”
“Yes, I did, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying to work it out.”
“So what now?” She asked.
“Gee, I don’t know, why don’t we just have him move in and be part of the family. What the fuck do you think, Lizzie?” his fork dropped with a clink and his icy blue eyes cut into her.
“Divorce and I move out.” She said looking at her feet.
“You can stay as long as you need. I care about your wellbeing, and the fact that you just had a baby. But after this divorce goes through, you’re out.”
“I understand. What about the kids?”
“That’s a legal matter. We shouldn’t even be talking about that right now. Their world is about to be turned upside down, don’t drag my sweet girls into this.” He said looking her straight into the eyes. “We need to tell them what’s going on, but we are not digging into each other in front of them.”
“Okay. Another time.” She said looking away from his piercing glare.
Ozzie got up and went back inside, put his empty plate in the dishwasher and sat down at the table with his daughters.
“Daddy, what’s going on?” Lexie asked concerned.
“Well, sweetie…” he started, taking a deep breath and searching for words.
Lizzie stepped in too and they all looked up at her, then back at Ozzie.
“Mommy and Daddy are dealing with some big decisions right now, and there’s going to be some big changes. But don’t be afraid.” Lizzie gave a weak smile over her sad face.
“Do you not love each other anymore?” Izzie asked her father, looking more concerned than her little sister.
Ozzie sighed and folded his hands together with his head low.
“It’s not like that, baby. Sometimes things just don’t work out and grown-ups need to do what’s best for everybody.”
“Is this…best for everybody?” Izzie asked with tears welling up.
“We think so, sweetheart.” Ozzie said with his heart breaking. Izzie fled from the table and they heard the door slam. Ozzie ran his hand down his face, then heard Spencer start to cry down the hall.
Lizzie walked back outside and Ozzie noticed her lighting a cigarette.
“Lex, will you help me feed Spencer?” Ozzie said to the young six year old, still very confused and innocent. She nodded, and watched as Ozzie prepared a bottle of formula for her little brother.
Ozzie rested on the bed he no longer felt welcome in with Spencer nodding off and Lexi staring at her brand new baby brother in the lamp light. Ozzie carefully sat up and laid the baby into his crib near the bed.
“Time for your bath, monkey.” Ozzie said picking her up and carrying her out of the room quietly. He took her into the bathroom and ran her bath water in the clawfoot tub.
He got her pajamas ready for her and a clean towel after she was in the tub of bubbles. “I’ll come back and check on you in ten minutes, there better be a clean little girl in that tub.” He said before softly closing the door.
Lizzie was sitting on the couch in the dark living room with her head in her hands. Ozzie glanced away and headed for his daughter’s room. He gently knocked on the door before opening it. Izzie was curled up on her bed crying.
“Go away.” She sniffed under her hand.
“Iz…can we just talk?” He said rubbing his neck.
“I don’t want to.” She huffed.
“Please. You can ask whatever, your baby sister’s in the tub.”
She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. He sat down on the bed near her.
“Where’s mom?” she eight year old asked.
“She’s in the living room, just thinking.” Ozzie said softly.
“Why? Why are you doing this?” she cried.
“Iz, I want to tell you the truth, it’s just very hard to say and I’m trying to protect you.”
“I don’t want to move and be apart from you, dad.” She cried.
“Why would you think that?” he asked.
“That’s what happens. Kids always have to move out and live with their mom and never get to see their dad.” She cried.
“Honey, that’s not going to happen.”
“What’s the truth? Why?” she cried.
He sighed. “Izzabella, you need to promise me that you won’t repeat any of this to your little sister or your mother.” She looked up with tear stained eyes. “You remember when I said that Spencer is a special baby? How he needs to be cared for in special ways?”
She nodded her head.
“Honey, mommy made some bad choices when Spencer was still in her tummy. She hurt Spencer when he was still growing and he’s a little bit…different.” Izzie’s brow scrunched.
“What bad choices? Why would she want to hurt him?”
“Mommy was going through a hard time and didn’t ask for help. She drank alcohol to deal with her problems instead of talking to somebody…that’s what hurt Spencer.” He said looking at her with gentle eyes. She started to cry softly again.“…and mommy was in love with another man, I found out and I wasn’t very happy. Honey, we really aren’t doing this to hurt you or because we don’t want to be a family anymore. It’s to help everyone. It’s just not something that we can work out.”
“Would mommy tell me the same story?” Izzie asked, unsure if she believed it.
“Babe, she’s hurting right now. She doesn’t feel good about any of this or herself.”
“You’ve done things wrong, too, right dad?” Izzie asked settling down.
“Yes, I have.” He laughed. “I wasn’t what mommy needed in her life.”
“What if you tried to stay together?”
“Iz, I don’t think I can get past this to move on. I don’t think mommy wants to.”
“oh.”
“But don’t feel like we love you any less. We’re going to try to be nice and get along until things are sorted out a little. It’s messy right now.”
He hugged her and kissed her ontop of the head.
“Feel a little better?”
“Not really, but I get it.”
Ozzie nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty upset too. Iz, if you need anything, let me know.” Ozzie said getting up and walking out the door.
He knocked on the bathroom door and stepped inside. Lexi was all wrapped up in her towel.
“Good girl.” Ozzie said draining the water in the tub. He helped her pull her long-sleeved shirt on over her head and she wiggled into her pajama pants. Ozzie gave her a comb.
“Go have mommy comb your hair out for you. She probably needs some cheering up before bed.”
Lexi ran with the comb to the front room and handed it to Lizzie. Ozzie went into the kitchen and cleaned up from dinner. Lizzie came into the dark dining room a little while later. “They’re tucked in, not sure if they’ll be able to sleep.”
“Probably not.” Ozzie said washing the dishes.
“Nobody will be able sleep besides the baby.” She laughed.
“Speaking of sleep. You take the bed when you move out, I’ll just stay on the couch for now.”
“you sure?”
“I don’t exactly have good memories with that bed anymore.” Ozzie said scrubbing a little bit harder in frustration.
“Fine.”
“fine.” Ozzie repeated passive aggressively.
“woah, attitude.” Lizzie said smirking.
“Don’t fuck with me, Lizzie.” He said rinsing off the pan.
“Don’t really need to worry about that anymore…” she said in more of a mumble.
“Please, speak up if you want to kick me in the teeth again.”
“Oh wow, look who’s getting a spine now.”
“Fuck off, Lizzie. You’re pissing me off.” He said stopping and staring out the window.
“The baby isn’t staying in my room tonight.”
“Spencer.”
“Yeah.”
“Call him by his name, Lizzie.”
“Alright.”
“After what you did to him, god damnit, it’s the least he fucking deserves from you.”
“I’m not proud of my moment of weakness, Ozzie. I feel bad that I hurt my baby, I wasn’t strong enough and he took the fall for it.”
Ozzie covered his hands on his face. “I’ll take care of him.”
“What you don’t fucking trust me with our kids?”
“Not with Spencer.” He said in a glare to her.
“Why the hell would you say that?” she said looking hurt now.
“Because, You literally just said you don't want to take care of him tonight, I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did to him. You are not stable, and you need help.”
She was silenced. “You’re right.”
“Lizzie, I care about you, but I do not trust you, not anymore. You’ve been so cold, and selfish, and distant. That’s not the place for Spencer to be.”
“You’re not exactly a model parent either.”
“I’m not perfect. But I at least try for their sake. You just sat here feeling sorry for yourself.”
“Excuse me for actually feeling something.”
“Don’t even go there.” Ozzie said shaking his head. “I am trying with everything in me not to fall apart right now. I tried my damnedest for weeks not to beat the shit out of some guy, and to just walk away from you when I was pissed, tried to keep from crying because my oldest daughter’s heart is broken, stayed on top of Spencer’s schedule, and I feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest right now because you fucking ripped my heart out.” He said getting heated and winding up in Lizzies face.
Ozzie cleared his throat and stepped back, seeing that Lizzie was about to cry.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be that intense.” Lizzie fled outside to smoke.
After a few minutes Ozzie stepped out too and sat down next to her. She handed him a cigarette for himself. He stuck it between his lips and sucked in as she lit it for him. He took a deep drag and let it out slowly.
“I’m sorry, for everything.” Lizzie said shaking her head.
“I am too.” Ozzie said.
“That’s you being sympathetic.” Lizzie said looking at him. He nodded.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you.”
“I just got tired of it all. Keeping up. “
“Is…is he special to you?” Ozzie asked with the glowing red cigarette between his fingers.
“He’s more of a fling. Just kind of casual. I liked the thrill of something new.”
“Was he the only one?” Ozzie asked.
“No.” Lizzie said hesitantly. He cleared his throat.
That night Lizzie held Spencer as Ozzie dragged his crib out of their room and into the living room near the couch. She gently handed the little colt to Ozzie and he snuggled him into his chest, bouncing with him as Lizzie left the room to go to sleep. Ozzie rocked his son back to sleep and laid him back down.
He went into the girl’s room and kissed them each on the forehead, making sure they were sound. He curled up on the couch and slept for a few hours getting up to bottle feed spencer his formula.