HOME | DD

Description
Chapter Ten: Save Yourself I'll Hold Them Back

My eyes were squinted out towards the desert horizon, searching. It had been a week, and my gang was still missing. Poison had tried radioing them, but to no avail. I was about a moment away from stealing the Trans-Am and looking for them. But that would violate the rules. The rules which I had to keep. The ones made a week ago when Poison caught me and Mikey.

"So, what the fuck are you doing?" he had yelled once more, glaring at the two of us. "I tell you to talk to him, and you end up making out with him like there's no fucking tomorrow! What the fuck!"

Mikey was still looking at me, confusion all over his face. "What did he tell you to do?"

I looked between the two brothers, feeling my face flush. It was caused by a combination of things. Mainly my recent kissing festival with Mikey and being caught by Poison. But the cold breeze probably made them a little rosey. Maybe. "Talk to you," I finally said after a moments pause. "Find out about you. Get to know what I'm walking into."

"And by the looks of things, you did that very quickly." Poison sounded disgusting and I couldn't deal with the looks he was throwing me. We had been friends this morning. I had thought of him as a brother. And now he looked ready to kill me.

"We did," I growled in my defense. "What needed to be said was said. What needed to be done was done."

"And apparently you were next on the list of things that needed to be done!" Poison was shouting now, his face turning red.

Touche. I'll give him that. Maybe making out with a guy moments after finding out that you reminded him of his dead wife wasn't that bright. And we were going a little fast. Okay, really fast. But, that didn't give him the right to barge in her and go ape shit on us! I should probably say all of this out loud! I did and both Kobra and Poison just looked at me. Umm, now what. Oh, right. "But I regret nothing!" I shouted, lacing my fingers through Kobra's.

"So, you pick me?" Kobra asked, a grin forming on his face. It was the first time in several moments that he hadn't worn an expression of pure confusion. Nodding, I bit my lower lip, waiting for Poison's next explosion. But it didn't come. Instead, he just sucked in a big breath of air.

"Alright, here's how it's going to happen. You must have heard that Zombie gave Kobra here that very nice black eye. Well, that was for trying to check up on you while you were passed out." Gulping, I looked at his swollen face. Woops. "Yeah. So, I don't even want to know what he'll do to you if he hears about this. But, we have to tell him."

"Not right away though!" I cut in. Kobra shot me a hurt look and I saw how easily that could be misinterpreted. "Not because I'm avoiding the problem," I quickly added. "But, they were looking for Kyle. Porcelain's ex-boyfriend/fiance/we don't know what the fuck he is exactly, but, if he shows up, and then it's all fun and happy and I have to wreck it by telling temperamental jealous Zombie that I want Kobra. Well, I'd be the biggest bitch in the world!"

"Okay. You have a point there. Fine, at the next best moment, you will tell him. Everything." Poison had a look of pure determination in his eyes. He meant business. And then he said the most horrible annoying, fucked me over thing ever. "Oh, and until you tell Zombie there are some rules. You can't kiss Kobra. You can't be alone with Kobra. And you can't leave the station."

"So basically, I'm grounded," I said flatly, glaring at him. He nodded, a smug look in his eyes. "Fine, but those rules don't go into effect yet. I get to do this first." I shoved Poison's shoulder, turning him around. Then, I grabbed a fistful of Kobra's shirt and twisted it, pulling him towards me. "I picked you. Please, try and look excited." I kissed Kobra with as much passion and love as I could manage. Oh, did I forget to mention that I'm pretty sure I'm in love with this guy. Or very close to it. Well, I am.

And that was what caused me to be standing outside, leaning on a gas pump, looking for my gang. The week had been horrible. I was either outside looking for my gang or inside trying to avoid Kobra. Every time I saw him it was like I was a mad woman. I wanted to jump him. Scream, "Fuck the damn rules!' at the top of my lungs and rip his clothes to shreds. It was difficult to say the least. Especially because both Jet and Ghoul knew about it (Thanks a fucking lot Poison) and Ghoul liked to mock me for it. I gave him a bloody lip and then had to spend an hour apologizing for it.

Yeah, I was a little highly strung. I was pacing now, kicking up far more dust than was necessary. My converse were scuffed and worn. I needed new ones but these had taken me forever to find. I might not give a shit about most things fashion wise, but I'm extremely proud of what shoes I wear. So finding these, it was like finding Santa. That fat bastard.

"Don't worry about them," someone called from the doorway. I turned to see Poison slouching against the boards, looking casual and relaxed. I flipped him off. Let's just say we hadn't been on the best of terms since he created the rules.

"Fuck off Poison. I don't feel like talking." I turned my back on him, trying to ignore the holes he was apparently boring in my back. I heard the crunching of sand behind me and the next second he was standing next to me. "I said fuck off!"

"Feeling a little sexually deprived?" he asked playfully. I ignored him, staring out at the empty, hot, heat wave filled desert. "Look, I'm sorry about all that. But otherwise you two would be going at it like rabbits!" I looked at him then, my arm raised to punch him. I didn't slap people, not effective enough. "Don't take if offensively," he said quickly, watching my clenched fist.

"Pretty fucking difficult to not take that offensively." We both stood there for a second, staring. "Are you sure my gang didn't say anything else? Where they were headed, what their plans were!" Shaking his head Poison made a move as if to put his arm around me. I stepped to the side, effectively avoiding any contact. "I don't feel like being touched, looked at, spoken to, or even apologized to. Just, tell me where the fuck my gang is!"

Poison sighed before turning and walking back towards the station. "I get that you're ticked offed and worried, but don't take it out on the rest of us. Ghoul is still recovering from that fat lip." Oh great, the guilt trip.

"You don't play fair you know," I said, stalking over to him. "Fine. I'm sorry for being a bitch. You're right. I'm ticked offed, worried, and sexual deprived. I spent an hour the other day apologizing to Ghoul so he needs to get over it but you don't deserve this. I'm causing discord in what once was a happy gang. Maybe I should change my mind and just leave with the Shooters when they get back."

"Don't even think about it!" came Kobra's voice from the doorway to the station. "If you leave I will follow you until you give up and come back. I don't care how many black eyes Zombie gives me dammit!" And I'm officially in love.

I looked at Poison and saw just the faintest nod of his head. YEAH! I sprinted forward, aiming right for Kobra. But as I was running I heard something in the distance. Well, not that far away actually. A motor? But it was too late. I was in Kobra's arms and his lips were on mine. We were all alone in the world. Me and him and no one else.

And then I heard something that will haunt me forever. The slam of a car door. The crunch of sneakers on sand. And this. "What the fuck do you two think you're doing?!" Releasing Kobra I wheeled to see Zombie Racer standing next to the convertible. He was bloody and dirty and it looked like murder wasn't far from his mind. Oh shit.

Nobody moved. I could see Porcelain Girl reclining in the back with an unknown boy. Guess they found Kyle. She bolted upright now, her eyes wide. Satan's Brothel and Computer Junkie were squeezed in the shotgun seat, Satan sitting on the dashboard. Poison looked at the three of us, a worried look in his eyes.

"Thanks a fucking lot Death!" Zombie shouted, stomping towards us. "I leave to go help Porcelain find the guy she loves and I come back to find the girl I love kissing a guy she knows I hate!"

"Hey, calm down," Kobra began, raising his hands in a peaceful gesture. "We all just need to calm down now."

Zombie turned on him then and there was such fury in his eyes that I couldn't help but leap in front of Kobra. Zombie was going to hurt someone and I knew it was me he wanted to hurt. "Don't you dare tell me to calm down! Death, get out of the fucking way so that I can beat the shit out of this bastard!" He advanced on us but I refused to move. "Death!" he shouted again.

"No!" I screamed at him, feeling close to tears. "You will not do that again! You already turned him into a mother fucking lopsided panda!" I heard a snicker from Junkie but was too concerned with the immediate threat of Zombie to turn and yell at him. "Leave him alone! You're mad at me. Hit me! Just don't go after Kobra!"

Zombie grabbed me then, holding my wrists tight in his hands. "I can't believe you did this to me! I thought you loved me!" He wasn't even close to crying. He was just rage. Pure, dangerous rage.

"And I did!" I confessed, not even trying to fight him. "I did love you but it's not there anymore!" And that was true. Normally, every single touch was electric. It sent tingles. And now, I looked him in the eyes and knew that I no longer loved him. Sure a part of me would always love him. But that part wasn't in control right now.

"You're a liar!" he snarled before throwing me to the ground. I fell hard, biting the inside of my lip. Standing up, I was just in time to see Zombie lounge at Kobra. That was when everyone else, who had been watching the events unfold like it was a movie, leapt into action.

Poison ran at Zombie, trying to restrain him. Satan sprinted to me, holding me against her chest. Junkie and the unknown guy (Kyle?) grabbed ahold of Kobra who was now screaming at Zombie, "Don't you ever touch her! Don't you ever hurt her!" Fun Ghoul and Jet Star had come outside, hearing the commotion. They joined Poison, who were trying to restrain Zombie. Porcelain hobbled towards Satan and I, fear all over her face. She joined us in our hug and I felt a great sob wrack my body. I watched as Poison, Fun Ghoul, and Jet Star managed to force Zombie down onto the ground. They relaxed for a moment and he leapt back up.

Everyone was screaming and somewhere in all the noise I heard a long, continuous "No!" being shouted. I couldn't figure out who was shouting it. And then it hit me. I was screaming like a mad woman.

Zombie, who was being grabbed once more by Poison, Jet, and Ghoul, was hurling insults at Kobra, trying to break past the barricade of arms that were blocking him. Kobra was trying to run at Zombie but the fact that Junkie had one arm and Kyle(?) had the other stopped him.

"Please!" I shouted as loud as I could, disentangling myself from Porcelain's and Satan's arms. "Stop fighting! For fucks sake stop fighting!" My screams seemed to stop everyone for a moment. It grew deathly silent. And then the desert erupted in noise once more. But it wasn't the screaming of everyone. At least it wasn't screaming at first. No, it was gunshots that blew through the air, slicing through silence like a knife through hot butter. After the first few shots, that was when the screaming began.

It was a mad dash to the station, every man for themselves. Some of us clumsily fumbled for our rays, trying to feel like we had some control over the situation. I turned to see the boy helping Porcelain stumble along before finally picking her up and running with her in his arms. Zombie made a final leap at Kobra, who was running towards the station as well. But halfway through his leap he seemed to stop, defying gravity. It felt like he was suspended in the air for hours, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. And then a hand gruffly grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the station. A ray blast shot past my head and I had to turn my attention away from Zombie. Instead, I was now focused solely on getting into the station without getting shot.

I hear laughter behind us and the roar of an engine as I fell into the station, tripping over a lying body. Looking out the window I saw a car full of draculoids speed away, stray ray blasts still burning holes in the ground. I did a quick inspection of myself, searching for blood or pain. Aside from some scraped elbows, I was fine.

"Is everyone okay?" I asked weakly, gasping for breath. And then I remembered. Zombie. Hanging in the air like something out of a movie. Zombie and the sudden way he had stopped. "Zombie!" I cried, sprinting out the door.

There he was. He had finally fallen back to the earth, facing the sky. His legs were splayed awkwardly and I could just barely see his chest rapidly expand and contract, the breaths sporadic and shallow. As I grew closer I could see a crimson pool all around him. The sand had already absorbed some of it.

"Zombie. Oh fuck, Zombie. Oh fuck!" I knelt down next to him, searching for the wound. Found it. A gaping hole in his chest, right near where his heart should be. Blood was spurting from it now, coating his dark shirt with even darker droplets.

Everyone else stood a little apart from us, just staring. No one made a move. It was only me, and Zombie, and all of that fucking blood. "You're going to be okay," I weakly muttered, pulling up his shirt so that I could see the wound. It was bad. Really bad. I looked around for something to bandage it, my actions jerky and frantic when I realized something. There was blood underneath him. An exit wound. It was right next to his heart and the spurting. It had gone through his heart. Zombie had a hole all the way through his heart and out the other side of him.

"Zombie, you're going to die," I said before collapsing. My head fell on his shoulder and I felt him gasp. I lifted my head up so that I could look at him. His dark green eyes look back at me, clouded with pain. And hatred. "You hate me don't you," I whispered, maintaining eye contact.

He gasped, and the wound squirted more blood. "A little bit Death. But, I love you too much to really hate you." He tried to smile but just ended up coughing some blood up. It trickled down his chin, congealing already in the heat. Hearing the buzz of a fly, I swatted weakly around the wound, trying to keep the bugs away.

"I'm so sorry it had to end this way, Zombie." I didn't want to admit it, but I had dreamed that he would get over my betrayal. That we would end up friends again. We would go on raids and shoot draculoids. Mock Junkie but in the end make it up to him. Hell, maybe, if something ever went wrong with Kobra, he'd be my shoulder to cry on. I'd be his new sister. He'd be my new brother. A platonic relationship of love. Something both of us needed desperately. And now he was dying. Dying because of stupid Better Living Industries. And me. Dying because of me.

More blood bubbled up from his lips. Tears were sliding down my face, making paths through the fine coat of dust on my cheeks. "Death, I love you. I'll always love you. And, to be honest, this is a great way to go out. I only know one thing that would make it better." He looked at me, need, want, love, in his eyes. Pain was still there, dulling the emotions, but hatred had left. Vacated. Been evicted.

I knew what he meant. And who was I, his murderer, to deny him one last joy? Leaning over, I stopped when our lips were almost touching. Almost. "I'll always love you Zombie. You will be remembered," I said softly. Then, I leaned down a fraction of an inch more and kissed him softly. He didn't ask for anything more. Just that light touch of the lips. My hand brushing his forehead.

He grinned up at me when I pulled my head back. Some of his blood had gotten onto my lips and I licked it off. Forever in me. Forever with me. "We could have been something great, Death. But now, you'll still get to be great."

"Say hello to whoever is waiting for you," I said. "I'd like to know."

"Death is just another adventure. There's no need to be scared." He was gasping now, his every breath a task.

"Call me Clare. Just once. You've always known it. Now say it." I looked down at him, at his dark green eyes, his wavy hair. The way his right front tooth was a little chipped and how his nose was almost like a beak. Long and turned downward.

"Fine then. Clare, you were my everything. You were my moon, my sun, my life. And now that it looks like I'll be dying before you, here you go." Reaching into a pocket in his sweatshirt, he pulled out a small silver charm. Every movement was difficult for him and I knew his time was coming. He released the charm in my hand and I looked down to see my name engraved in it.

It was like the charm that everyone in my family had. A simple silver disk with their name. I had given mine to Zombie when we first met. Tasked him with what I considered my soul. I carried my family's around with me. But he got mine. I had told him. I had told him that, if anything happened to me, I wanted him to throw it off a cliff. Didn't have to be high, didn't have to be above the ocean. I just had always dreamed of flying. And what better time than after you're dead and failure can't hurt you anymore.

I looked at the charm, and then back to him. "Thanks for keeping this safe for me." I was crying freely now, trying to hold back the sobs. For Zombie's sake. So that he wouldn't see me cry. Wouldn't feel bad. "I'll see you when I see you. Nick." I choked out the last word. Zombie's real name. Our identities were guarded like treasure. And we knew who the other was. We knew the deepest secret a killjoy ever kept.

"Nick and Clare. We would have been a cute college couple," he managed to wrench from his throat. Tears were running down his face now. We were clasping hands, our faces close. Neither wanted the other to let go. "I gotta go, Clare. I gotta go kill all those damn draculoids up in the sky."

"You got this," I pressed my forehead to his. "So long and goodnight, Nick. So long and goodnight." Hearing these words, Junkie, Porcelain, and Satan all joined me kneeling next to Nick.

"So long and goodnight," they all whispered. The first death in our gang and we already knew what to do. Say goodbye. Say goodbye forever.

Nick closed his eyes and exhaled, blood now coating his lips. "So long and goodnight. Kick some ass. Even without me." His voice was raspy. He sounded like he was dying. He was dying. Because of me. We all stared at him, wondering what to do next. Slowly, ever so slowly, his breathing slowed down. Soon, I could count a full twenty seconds between each breath. Blood was still faintly exiting his wound and lips. And finally, he breathed out once, and didn't breath in again.

Leaning over once more, I lightly kissed his forehead. Porcelain, Satan, and Junkie all followed suite. "Hope there are enough fights in heaven for you," I heard Porcelain whisper.

"We'll miss you," Satan muttered, a tear streaking along her cheek.

"Dammit, Zombie. Dammit!" Junkie's voice was harsh and bitter.

"Don't have too much fun without us," I said softly before pulling his shirt back down and rising up. "He's gone. Dead." My voice sounded empty, hollow. Emotionless. Maybe because that was how I felt. Nick was dead. Nick, who had been my rock this entire time. Nick, who made me laugh, made me cry, made me want to gauge his eyes out. Jealous Nick. Angry Nick. Happy Nick. Sad Nick. Every Nick in every situation. No longer would I get to see him solve a rubix cube in ten seconds flat. No longer would he shout encouragement as we drove along, me on the back of the car, him in the driver's seat. And no longer would I ever kiss him. I had made my choice. Seemed like someone backed me up.