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defpoet — death
Published: 2003-11-04 02:22:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 130; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 22
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Description my blood is leaking out
my scarres are too big to close
my ears are deaf to the shout
my heart is like a dead rose

my eyes are black and hollow
my soul hurts form the constant failing
life's too hard, i can't follow
all your words face me, nailing

despair dominates over me
my hopes smashed in your dreams
my fingers itch for an injury
my skin borders open seams

my knees too weak, buckle
my eyes squint with fear
my mouth lets out a nervous chuckle
i am too chicken to come near
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defpoet - Insight
Comments: 12

blix-it [2003-12-01 02:44:37 +0000 UTC]

0.o *considers for a moment* ... I do'nt know.... I do'nt know if i get it. It's a mixture of you dieing ... and then suddenly at the end, it's like you're watching someone else die..... hmm... how deep.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

defpoet In reply to blix-it [2003-12-01 05:22:39 +0000 UTC]

how do u figure?..hmm..i have the i's and the my's till the very end..i didnt think it owuld give off that impression...
thanks for the comment though..

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caristra [2003-11-21 00:52:38 +0000 UTC]

I really like this. It's beautiful. You have guts putting a piece like that up. *claps and applauds*.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

defpoet In reply to caristra [2003-11-21 00:53:58 +0000 UTC]

wow. thank u.
yeah, i had to think it over.but than i just siad fuck it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

caristra In reply to defpoet [2003-11-21 01:02:18 +0000 UTC]

awesome. I totally think that art should be a free medium. Who cares what anyone thinks?

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defpoet In reply to caristra [2003-11-21 01:25:35 +0000 UTC]

totally! lol.
gotta have confidence, first though.

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enchantma [2003-11-04 16:18:58 +0000 UTC]

my blood is leaking out
my scarres are too big to close
my ears are deaf to the shout
my heart is like a dead rose

leave out the word 'is' in 'is like'
and - 'scars too big to close'

'my soul hurts from constant failing' - leave out 'the' and it flows better.

and i LOVE this line: my skin borders open seams
awesome! this poem is overall super cool! just try to leave out wordiness, it helps the flow and you get you point across faster...
oh gosh, this poem is really good....@_@ *gets goosebumps*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

defpoet In reply to enchantma [2003-11-05 01:38:40 +0000 UTC]

thanks.
i knew when i was rewriting it that i had too many likes..but i wanted every line to have the same amount of syllables..u know..

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darkbradis [2003-11-04 03:27:22 +0000 UTC]

ok, strange but for some strange reason that made me feel a moment of peace. You got power dudette, keep up the good work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

defpoet In reply to darkbradis [2003-11-05 01:35:36 +0000 UTC]

lol
dudette? someone is as loserish as me ?! lol jk.
thanks dude, greatly appreciated.

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NINTheFragile [2003-11-04 02:25:39 +0000 UTC]

good writing... very good description of how this person seems... and how this person feels...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

defpoet In reply to NINTheFragile [2003-11-04 02:32:38 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0