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Description
"Is that all you're going to do, play games all day? One day you're going to have to fend for yourself, earn your own way. Do you know how hard the real world is?"
I couldn't look him in the eyes. His angry voice alone was enough to make me feel ashamed. But everything he said was right. I knew it was right. I agreed with him. He just wouldn't stop though, wouldn't stop making me feel ashamed, pathetic, disgraceful, or any number of adjectives that could lower my self esteem. As if it wasn't low enough already.
"Look, its simple. Turn off your laptop, stop playing the games, get a job. You have to make money, go to grad school, become a teacher and settle down with a good wife. It's easy!"
Ya right. After getting rejected so many times in the past, I realize that nothing is easy, and nothing ever goes my way. You're just bullshitting me now.
"Look at your brother-"
Yes, look at my brother. He's so perfect and motivated and better than me. Now that he's "turned around" that is. Honestly, you can't compare me to him. Just because he takes after you doesn't mean I'll take after you too.
"He's so motivated-"
And I'm not. Yes, I know, I should be out there more, building up a resume, selling myself. Not wasting my life away playing games. Its too bad my unhappiness comes from you right now, and not the world like you tell me it will.
"He's working so hard-"
To get away from you guys.
"He's going to be at the top soon-"
Top of what? You always told me he'd be king of the retards. Did you suddenly change your mind?
"We're so proud of him-"
Implying you're not proud of me. Gee, thanks…
"And we wish you'd start working on your things as well."
There it is. You want me to magically turn into my brother. Now that he's better than me, he's set a higher standard. Yes, I'll just magically become motivated and interested in the sucky life you tell me everyday I'm going to have to face. Ya…
Sitting at my laptop, I turn it on. Lagging, lagging, it takes so long to load. It just crashed for the hundredth time. Why? I don't know. Maybe the hardware's loose somewhere inside of it. Every time I move it, maybe I'm giving it the chance to crash all over again.
Go online. Look through my bookmarks. I don't know where to go. Forums? No, nobody's really posting in them anymore. Why bother? Nothing interesting to talk about.
Facebook? Nope, nothing there either. Most of the people I know don't use it much, so in the end neither do I.
Comics? Nope, read those.
I look through the rest. Nothing interesting, nothing I really want to look at.
And yet, I feel compelled to look at something. But what?
I just click on something, anything.
I scroll through the website that comes up. Again, nothing interesting. Then something catches my eye.
"You are more important than you realize."
…
Something inside my resonates.
In my mind, I don't really think anything. What is there to think? It's such a simple statement.
The words "you" "are" "important".
That's it.
Maybe I am important.
Maybe I'm not so worthless like I think I am.
I'm just a little sad and a little lonely, that's all…

Description
"Is that all you're going to do, play games all day? One day you're going to have to fend for yourself, earn your own way. Do you know how hard the real world is?"
I couldn't look him in the eyes. His angry voice alone was enough to make me feel ashamed. But everything he said was right. I knew it was right. I agreed with him. He just wouldn't stop though, wouldn't stop making me feel ashamed, pathetic, disgraceful, or any number of adjectives that could lower my self esteem. As if it wasn't low enough already.
"Look, its simple. Turn off your laptop, stop playing the games, get a job. You have to make money, go to grad school, become a teacher and settle down with a good wife. It's easy!"
Ya right. After getting rejected so many times in the past, I realize that nothing is easy, and nothing ever goes my way. You're just bullshitting me now.
"Look at your brother-"
Yes, look at my brother. He's so perfect and motivated and better than me. Now that he's "turned around" that is. Honestly, you can't compare me to him. Just because he takes after you doesn't mean I'll take after you too.
"He's so motivated-"
And I'm not. Yes, I know, I should be out there more, building up a resume, selling myself. Not wasting my life away playing games. Its too bad my unhappiness comes from you right now, and not the world like you tell me it will.
"He's working so hard-"
To get away from you guys.
"He's going to be at the top soon-"
Top of what? You always told me he'd be king of the retards. Did you suddenly change your mind?
"We're so proud of him-"
Implying you're not proud of me. Gee, thanks…
"And we wish you'd start working on your things as well."
There it is. You want me to magically turn into my brother. Now that he's better than me, he's set a higher standard. Yes, I'll just magically become motivated and interested in the sucky life you tell me everyday I'm going to have to face. Ya…
Sitting at my laptop, I turn it on. Lagging, lagging, it takes so long to load. It just crashed for the hundredth time. Why? I don't know. Maybe the hardware's loose somewhere inside of it. Every time I move it, maybe I'm giving it the chance to crash all over again.
Go online. Look through my bookmarks. I don't know where to go. Forums? No, nobody's really posting in them anymore. Why bother? Nothing interesting to talk about.
Facebook? Nope, nothing there either. Most of the people I know don't use it much, so in the end neither do I.
Comics? Nope, read those.
I look through the rest. Nothing interesting, nothing I really want to look at.
And yet, I feel compelled to look at something. But what?
I just click on something, anything.
I scroll through the website that comes up. Again, nothing interesting. Then something catches my eye.
"You are more important than you realize."
…
Something inside my resonates.
In my mind, I don't really think anything. What is there to think? It's such a simple statement.
The words "you" "are" "important".
That's it.
Maybe I am important.
Maybe I'm not so worthless like I think I am.
I'm just a little sad and a little lonely, that's all…