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DrCrafty — AT4W: Ultimatum 3 - 4
Published: 2011-05-21 18:09:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 4193; Favourites: 95; Downloads: 46
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Memorable quotes from Episode 137:
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Linkara: "Previously on the Ultimatum review: The East Coast is hit by a massive tidal wave, flooding New York - at least we assume it hits more than just New York, since otherwise this makes the whole thing even sillier. We were told this was accomplished through magnets, making me bash my head against hard objects. The result is that millions of people are dead, including several superheroes who died for no damn good reason, as well as someone who was killed because she was eaten by someone else! Class act, Marvel! Why don't you just have supervillains rape corpses, while you're at it?!"
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Scarlet Witch: "They're all dead, Magneto. Dazzler. Beast. Nightcrawler. Drowned. The Academy of Tomorrow in Chicago destroyed. Emma Frost. Sunspot. Cannonball. Polaris. And the rest of those brats. Confirmed dead by the Madroxes. Longshot. Forge. Detonator. Hardrive. Found them in the Savage Land. Caught. Tortured. Killed."
Linkara: *Looks annoyed* "No, no, no, please go on. I mean, why even have any characters at this point?! Ooh, you know what would be really edgy?! Let's not have any READERS while we're at it!"
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Linkara: "One of the Multiple Men shows up and yells that Magneto's killed mutants and turned on his own people as well. I love it when the comic points out the plot holes for me! Naturally, instead of just blowing himself up along with Magneto, he exposits for the audience that Magneto's had the real Jamie Madrox in seclusion, creating the suicide bombers. This gives Magneto the chance to fling Thor's hammer at him and knock him through the window, so he can't blow him up! Oh yeah, and actually, there are a few things that some viewers have cleared up for me, since they're very nice like that. Take not, Jeph Loeb: Some people are smarter than you, and it would be wise to listen to them! First of all, Thor's hammer in the Ultimate universe does not have the same enchantment that it does in the regular continuity, so yeah, Magneto is allowed to lift it with no problem. Oh, and by the way, killing the clone with it is the extent in which he uses the hammer. People have brought up tons of theories concerning the magnetic poles thing, that Magneto could use the hammer to alter the weather...I'm pretty sure he can't, but whatever...or that he could affect the core of the planet, or shift the Earth around because of metal deposits in it, blah, blah, blah. I reject all those theories however, because they very clearly state exactly what he did: shift the magnetic poles! Right there! They never said he did anything but that! He doesn't use the hammer, he doesn't move tectonic plates, he doesn't do anything else but shift the magnetic poles, which as we covered last time, is bullcrap for causing tidal waves! If he had used any of those theories, I wouldn't have made such a big deal about it, but he didn't! Magnetic poles was their answer, and that is the end of it! Next, it turns out that people can collapse after near-drowning, and be lucid briefly. However, as one person pointed out, my critique is still accurate, because that only happens in freshwater, whereas Captain America was drowned in saltwater from the ocean! On top of that, I hope someone with a super-soldier serum running through them would be made of sterner stuff. Also, apparently, the Ultimatum tie-ins did not have important plot elements happening that affected the main story. I was jumping the gun a little. Sorry, it's just kind of instinctive at this point to assume a crossover event is going to do that since, well, every one of them does! Even the good ones. Oh, and something that I failed to comment on that others were keen to point out: Thor should not be talking to Hela in Valhalla, because Valhalla is not Hela's domain! Chalk that one up to my lack of knowledge on Norse mythology. Oh, and to stop people from asking, I saw the Thor movie. It was pretty good, don't need to say anything more on that, since we still have two more issues of fail to talk about!"
Magneto: "After the Great Flood, God spared only Noah and his family."
Linkara: "And, you know, tons and tons of animals, but hey, who's counting?"
Magneto: "They were the last of mankind. Now, I will choose who lives and dies. Those that remain will be grateful. For they will find themselves in...Heaven on Earth."
Linkara: "Oh yeah, you're clearly not crazy. Please, continue. Back with the cannibalistic Blob, Hawkeye is chomping at the bit to kill the guy, asking Hank Pym to let him take the shot. Hank Pym, however, decides to avenge the Wasp himself, biting the Blob's head off and spitting it out. I'd comment on how this is gruesome, but I think the cannibalism hit the peak there. Also, it's been a week now, so I've calmed down, which means now, I can properly ask some real questions here like: Why?! Was the Wasp already dead when the Blob came across her? Why was he running around looking for supeheroines right after a huge flood? Why was eating her the first idea that he had? At what point did it cross his mind that this was the thing he should be doing? That this would be a good idea?! Anyway, Hank Pym picks up her corpse and starts talking to the dead body, saying that if he can get her to the Triskelion, he can 'repair her'. Our heroes are crazy, our villains are crazy. Hey! Let's all just go crazy!" *Starts flailing his arms around to Fun Zone*
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Linkara: "Angel to be on the team to take down Magneto, although Cyclops is against it because he's too close to this. What, none of you are too close to the others? Man, why is it that every book featuring the X-Men that I review shows how much they're assholes?
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Linkara: "We cut back to the awesomeness of Captain America and Thor fighting the undead! More people also asked why I didn't add Captain America to the Kill Count, and really, this is why. Unlike the other dead characters, he's still active. I mean, look at him! Dying just made Captain America even more badass!"
AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
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Linkara: "Hawkeye and Hank Pym have arrived, and Pym instructs Iron Man to take the Wasp's corpse and to open an encrypted file called the Jocasta Project. Jocasta - and I apologize if I pronounce that wrong - is a robot invented by Hank Pym in the normal Marvel universe. So yes, Hank Pym is somehow thinking that robots, after what happened in Ultimates 3, will be the answer to his problems. You know Hank, knowing what I know about you in both universes, you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe...you and the whole robots thing is the reason why your life always sucks? Just saying."
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Linkara: "In the destruction of (Doctor Strange's) house, we see a recurring Marvel villain appear: The Dread Dormammu, an interdimensional demon set on conquering us or something, I don't know. Do we suddenly have a completely new villain in this mess? Oh, and if you're wondering about what happened to the Human Torch after the whole flood, it turns out he's trapped in Dormammu's pendant! How? Why? These are things that the comic didn't feel like explaining! And like I said, this could have been somewhat interesting as a plot twist or the like, but instead it just comes completely out of left field! Doctor Strange tries to fight Dormammu, but instead the demon wraps him up in cloth, makes his head turn purple and explode." *Kill Count goes up to 8* "And the point of that scene was...what, exactly?"
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Linkara: "Meanwhile, in a parallel universe, Samuel L. Jackson is regretting not suing Marvel for using his likeness in this comic...uh, I mean, Nick Fury is confronted by Reed Richards, Doctor Doom, Zarda, and...some blonde woman. Is that Sue? Who the hell is that? Fury doesn't feel like coming, causing Zarda to...uh, blow up a column? The hell?"
Fury: "Okay, let's say I change my mind and went with you...what's so important that it has to be right now?"
Reed: "Magneto has tilted Earth's axis."
Linkara: "BULL! CRAP! THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME! YOU SAID MAGNETIC POLES! THE MAGNETIC POLES ARE NOT THE SAME AS THE AXIAL POLES! Axial pole shift also occurs naturally, although very, VERY slowly! It's caused by the distribution of mass throughout the Earth, and at best alters about ONE DEGREE every 130 MILLION YEARS! If that had been your explanation from the start, yeah that'd cause serious problems, but you didn't! You said magnetic poles! Oh, and guess what? THE AXIAL POLES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MAGNETISM! YOU FAIL AT SCIENCE, COMIC! YOU! FAAAAAAAIL!" *The word FAIL blares on the screen with a loud noise* "Fury rubs it in their face just how totally screwed they are, and further explains how this is actually all of Doctor Doom's fault."
Doctor Doom: "I had Magneto's daughter - the Scarlet Witch - murdered. I knew Magneto would then declare war on mankind and when it was over...I would be there to pick up the pieces. I...never imagined that Magneto either had the power or the will to destroy the human race..."
Linkara: *Laughing with a pained expression on his face* "Sometimes, it really amazes me the sheer level of dumb that the writers expect us to believe, and even moreso, that they keep...on...coming up with it! This is the most convoluted and idiotic plan for world domination that I've ever heard. At least Doctor Know's plan from Future Five actually made some degree of sense. Everyone but him would be dumb! Sure, implementing that plan didn't make any sense, but at least there was a logical chain! This...this, I don't even know where to start! Okay, so somehow, he makes a robot built by Hank Pym, fall in love with the Scarlet Witch, and instead of targeting her brother, the robot kills her and only her, and then assuming Magneto would care enough to steal her body, and convince Quicksilver to join with him, forcing a confrontation with the Ultimates, while the robot planned a robot holocaust, and then somehow, in the ensuing clash of robots, Ultimates and Magneto, Quicksilver would also get killed, and that Magneto wouldn't be captured or killed, leading to an existential crisis, where Magneto believes that he should take over the world, and somehow, you would emerge on top?! This...this has got to be a Doombot! No one comes up with an idea this complex, with so many variables that can go wrong or not the way they anticipate, and still think it will work!"
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Magneto: "To everything there is a season..."
Linkara: "Turn, turn, turn. Yeah, I know you were very pretentiously quoting the Bible and not referencing the song, but considering the direction of the bad science, I felt the song was a lot more appropriate."
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Linkara: "Dear Lord, these comics suck! For every moment that might actually be interesting, there's like ten other instances of absolute fail!"
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Does anyone notice that the Blob's head looks more like Owen's from Total Drama Island?
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it actually does. now i'm mad with Doom for killing one of my favorite characters from the show
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ಠ_ಠ...
ಠ_________________________________________________ಠ
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The only character I actually found myself interested in or caring about from the Ultimates 3 comic, namely Wasp, is already dead.
I no longer find myself caring who lives or dies any more -.-
Still, I imagine in the end the death count will include every character.......except the ones we WANT to die...
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I dont even wanna know why Doom has done that, whatever it is... I just wont
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Hm...taste like...like...no, not chicken...help me, guys?
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That's a Doombot.
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OMG. Dr. Doom just beat Mag-freakin'-neto! Question is, where's his curleh mustache at?
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No. Doom is just pretentious in this arc.
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Makes you want to smash your head in frustration...
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HOLY CRAP!
Is that the Blob's head and Magneto's arm?
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Yeah, it is. In issue 3 of Ultimatum, Hank Pym, angered over the Blob eating the Wasp's body (which, by the way, EW!), grew to giant size and bit the Blob's head off before spitting it out. And in issue 4, Valkyrie cut off Magneto's arm to relieve him of Thor's hammer.
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3 + 4 as in 3 or 4 more deaths to ad to the death count
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So many lulz! So Doom slaughters Magneto in this one?
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And I know that has to be Blob's head...so my only question is: what'd he do to them?
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It's a nod to how Yellowjacket bit off Blob's head and Valkyrie cut off Magneto's arm.
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Oh my god..... Dr. Doom is the new Hannibal now! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
....... But still, awesome work.
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YOU'RE RIGHT! him eating linkara's brain on the title card of Brain Drain makes so much sense now!
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Wow. Linkara and Doom really don't seem to like each other in your title cards.
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YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
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Is Doom sporting an awesomeface on his mask?
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