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staggering and struggling
Published: 2010-05-16 04:34:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 4715; Favourites: 227; Downloads: 20
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Description
01.yesterday, i wrote
your name on a slip of paper
and folded it into an origami star.
it hangs on my bonsai tree
(little trees for big
wishes) as a just-in-case hope
for those times when it feels like
absolutely nothing
can make me
happy.
sometimes, when even stars
and little trees aren't
enough to make me happy, i cut
down the paper stars and pretend
that it is a meteorite shower in my
bedroom, but sometimes that
just makes it worse
because i realize
that shooting stars are actually
falling stars;
we are all just stars that have
forgotten the happy-thoughts that
made us fly,
it's just that some of us are blazing and beautiful
before we burn out. and die.
- -
02.
i can write disorderly words with random indents
and call it "poem", and
people will still say
they like it
because we all know
what it's like to be unhappy
and there is nothing
unhappy people like better
than making people
happy.
i can jump over my own leg and
touch my toes if i really try,
but i can't stop being terrible
and i can't stop thinking
i'm terrible.
but i'm trying, really. i'm trying.
- -
03.
cliches are last resorts for poets who
ran out of ideas.
they write things
like how someone has stolen
their heart and taken it somewhere
far far away and now it is
lost.
i like to hold two fingers on my neck
and remind myself that i have
a heart, but sometimes i
just can't make myself trust biology,
because writers never
trust
science.
fact:
beethoven composed without his ears;
i can write without my heart.
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Comments: 56
Hah. Very good meta-poem poem.... I love this - it's SO REAL.
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02 is my favorite. That's some raw truth there. The entire thing is lovely too, I just liked that part especially. Congrats on your DD!
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Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!!
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Good work. Each section (1, 2, 3) is an honest assessment of what you believe and what you feel. It just doesn't get any better than that. So here's a couple little thoughts and comments: Section 1 reminded me of a time, way way way way way long ago, when my baby sister was yet to be born ... and mom drew paper airplanes on lined composition paper (we didn't have money nor did we have art paper) and cut them out ... then she attached a string to each one and thumb-tacked them to the ceiling of the baby's room, in our rented apartment. She let me participate. As I recall I didn't do much ... except maybe get in the way and slow her down. But she was in no hurry to finish the project and she was glad to have my "help" (tee hee). A month or so later my sister was born. Mom & Dad needed more space and soon bought a house. And after that another house. And more children for them ... and more siblings for me. So I'm telling you this ... because ... section 1 of your poem brought back this very vivid, happy memory for me. And I wonder ... whatever happened to the paper airplanes?
FYI: Reading the last part of your poem makes me see things, truths, that I didn't realize were there. That we writers/artists don't trust science. I tell myself repeatedly that I do. I tell myself repeatedly that trusting science is the only true truth. But the way you posed the statement makes me question my own beliefs. And, oh how I love the line about putting your fingers on your neck to remind yourself that you have a heart ... and ending with how it is possible for you to write without a heart. WOW! You've given me many things to think about. I am at a staggering loss for words. I won't pretend I can interpret what you have written. It will mean different things to different people. So just let me thank you first of all for the wonderful memory of the paper airplanes and the birth of my baby sister ... and most of all for making me THINK
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All I can say is, good critic, Sir. That, my friends, is how you make a meaningful comment on a meaningful poem.
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Thank you so much ... for critiquing my critique! What a wonderful, unexpected ... yet highly valued ... response from you. By-the-by, I am a "Madame." (Don't take that so, oh how shall I say, "literally USA interpretation!!!" I lived in France for years ... and "Madame" is the proper greeting for me
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No problem, Madame. I just have always thought that people deserve that type of comment on their works. When I get a personal response on my art, or literature, I squeak with joy and happiness.
Never be afriad to speak out to what you think, or believe in, as long as you feel it in your heart and soul.
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This is amazing. Absolutely stunning and poignant. Staggeringly beautiful.
I love how you broke up the lines. It reflects nicely with the disconnection between writing and feeling, as mentioned in the last line.
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Wait a sec, who please told you you couldn't write?? Just because you don't stick to some rules that some old bugger made hundreds of years ago about what is poetry and what is not?
Poetry is in the feel of the things, not in the formalities, just as with every form of art. At least that's my opinion. My grade for your kinda-random-poetry-ish work: A+
P.S.: I hope you're not as unhappy as you described here. But if so, hopefully making me happy served to make you happier in turn
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I feel the enjambment needs a lot of work and the overall message isn't overly clear. Doesn't mean I don't like the poem, there are some wonderful lines in it.
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There are no words for this piece of majestic unicorn balls. Absolutely lovely.
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this is so raw and powerful and that last line really lingers
10/10
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*stand up and violently claps*
Beautifully put. God damn I love this so much.
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Yes. Disorderly words with random indents make the best poems.
Jumping rope is my favorite too!
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This is such an amazing piece, and so true to life. Great work.
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On the contrary; being honest is how to write properly indeed, because anyone that cannot feel their words is truly without the ability to write good literature. Anyone can pick up a pen, but it takes a good heart to know which way the words flow.
Your piece may have cliched meanings in, but cliched is only another word for popular - and being popular isn't a bad thing necessarily. Originality can have many forms, but the one that sticks out the most is used the old to aid the new, which is exactly what you've done here
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thank you, i write what i see and i guess i just a lot of cliches.
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i agree completely, we are all just trying to figure out how to live and writing just helps us find out how.
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I also agree completely.
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Congrats on the DLD.
I think you do yourself a bit of a disservice here; there are great, original images in this poem that belie the conversation topic of cliches and sappy romance.
I think the poem would be better if it were shorter, trimming away the stuff that's not that original so the poem moves more directly from one awesome image to the next.
Good ending, though.
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thank you very much!
i don't know why i write about such things when i have no experience in the matter. i suppose that's why i only write cliched, generalized aspects of them since those are the only ones i know XD
and once again, thank you.
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Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
Keep writing and keep creating.
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thank you dear
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Oh WOW. This blew me away. I am at a loss for words at the moment. I love this so much. It's just the truth. It's stated simply but beautifully. The first section made me want to cry. It was just so hopefully hopeless. Tragically beautiful. I especially love the last line of that section. I also love "and there is nothing more that
unhappy people like better
than making people
happy." --It might sound better if you drop the "more that".. but that's just my opinion. That is just so TRUE.
I love the last section too. All three really contributed to the overall feel of the poem and they fit together even though they were totally separate. I just adore this. If I could favorite it more than once, I would. Out of the hundreds of poems I have read today, this is my favorite. ^_^
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thank you so much, buttercup!
hmmm, i actually like it without the "more that", now that you mention it, thanks!
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You're very welcome, Wesley. (:
I'm glad I could help you out.
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...THAT WAS AN EPIC PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCE BTW.
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I'm so glad you caught that!! XD. I was really hoping you would.
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So honest and so so true...
I found it to be very powerful!!!
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Your fantastic work has been selected for feature in our weekly article (viewable here: [link] ) by a member of the staff
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you're welcome, lovely
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