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escaped-emotions — Ignited Flames

Published: 2010-05-03 16:26:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 1820; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 61
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Description My senses ignite,
flames brought to life
as we gently embrace
and pull apart with swift ease.

Our hands entwine,
laced and knotted
tied shoe laces
our hands become.

My body softens,
honey from a bee's hive,
melting chocolate under sunny rays
as leaning into you,
I ooze from within.

Our bodies kiss,
blooming spring flowers
bursting from winter soil
as each touch deepens
we flourish and ignite.
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Comments: 18

yvasseira [2010-05-03 16:39:34 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


The presentation is succinct and complete. A thorough thought is presented with imagery that conveys the desired emotive effect. We can easily see that this is the experience of a new encounter, and feel that encounter as it takes place.

In particular, this demonstrates the way a person "swoons" in the throes of new romance. Obviously, heat is required for anything to melt, and this was aptly presented.

The vision of new growth denotes this as a new experience, becoming an overall experience easily identified with by the reader.

It is concise enough not to fall into the trap of over-complicating a simple idea.

Overall, a good piece worth reading.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to yvasseira [2010-05-03 16:50:12 +0000 UTC]

Hey, thanks so much for the critique -- I really appreciate all of your feedback so thank you for taking the time to write the above.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

yvasseira In reply to escaped-emotions [2010-05-03 16:51:49 +0000 UTC]

No problem. It's how I got better... But there really wasn't much I could advise on this. Very well presented.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to yvasseira [2010-05-03 17:03:25 +0000 UTC]

I'm thrilled you think so. Thanks again!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MrFenix [2010-05-11 19:20:42 +0000 UTC]

Never seize to amaze me O! You described each emotion and feeling that a person goes through when they're with that special someone! Simply fantastic!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to MrFenix [2010-05-12 20:54:12 +0000 UTC]

Aw, I'm so very pleased you enjoyed it - I'm so happy.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RavenousCountess [2010-05-05 14:54:16 +0000 UTC]

This is absolutely beautiful. I enjoy the way your emotions are presented; it's heartfelt and 'innocent' yet passionate at the same time. Very enjoyable!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to RavenousCountess [2010-05-06 09:37:43 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mikenovelo [2010-05-04 04:10:55 +0000 UTC]

It really impresses me the way you choose your words perfectly...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to mikenovelo [2010-05-04 14:47:18 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

jaffacakesandpopcorn [2010-05-03 21:32:14 +0000 UTC]

Ohhh Olivia!!! This is sooo GOOD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to jaffacakesandpopcorn [2010-05-04 15:28:14 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I'm SO glad.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

deadmantwice [2010-05-03 16:51:44 +0000 UTC]

ARE YOU IN LOVE LATELY?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to deadmantwice [2010-05-03 16:54:39 +0000 UTC]

LOL! What?! Are my poems bugging you?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

deadmantwice In reply to escaped-emotions [2010-05-03 17:10:55 +0000 UTC]

NO NO NOT AT ALL. SORRY IF THAT WAS THE IMPRESSION. I ASKED IN A GOOD WAY. IM REALLY SORRY

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

escaped-emotions In reply to deadmantwice [2010-05-03 17:12:23 +0000 UTC]

It's fine, I'm not offended at all, it just made me giggle. I take it you like it then?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

deadmantwice In reply to escaped-emotions [2010-05-03 17:27:40 +0000 UTC]

OF COURSE I LIKE THEM. AND YOUR EYES ALSO

👍: 0 ⏩: 0