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eunica β afraid to hope
Published: 2003-09-10 08:07:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 189; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 14
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Description
Sittingrather than standing.
Alone in a room, together
with his thoughts,
his doubts,
his fears.
It seems impossible to him:
the idea
that everything will be alright
when the curtains close, that
there is always a happy ending, that
the good guys always come out on top.
How can that be, when there are never
any indications that things will ever
go his way, when such Hollywood prophecies
are fulfilled by everyone but him?
And then he comes to the conclusion that
he is the enemy, that
he is the everything nobody wants.
Curled up in a position so familiar.
Wanting to believe in fairytale endings, but
afraid to want, afraid to need, afraid to hope.
He's scared of dreaming too hard
for fear of empty promises
that will eat away the insides of his
broken heart and tear apart
his will to keep trying.
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Comments: 30
I liek it but the idea itself is clihed...the whole idea of him sitting alone in a room thinking is extrememly overdone
But I do liek the words you used the Hollywood idea I really likr that
It's just the whole idea with him sitting there is overdone
I felt the second stana wasn't really fitting in with the whole poem at all..it just wasn't going in the same direction the first stanza was....maybe you shouyld connect them into one whole poem...i unno that seems to be better
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ok. first of all you need to write more/post what you write.
youve captured this feeling and conveyed it perfectly with your words. i know so many people that feel this way and youve described it exactly.
Curled up in a position so familiar.
Wanting to believe in fairytale endings
i absolutely love that line
amazing poem
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Well written. My only suggestion would be to try and describe further the profound influence that the media has on young impressionable minds, other than that, good job.
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Excellent theme and tone, and very well expressed. You definitely have some natural talent. 
his doubts,
his fears.
made into one line. Also the line " afraid to want, afraid to need, afraid to hope" is rather redundant; it can be modified to "afraid to want, to need, to hope" without losing its meaning.
Great job in any case, though.
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in the line "afraid to want, afraid to need, afraid to hope" I purposely repeated the word afraid to emphasize it. but i see where you're coming from when you say that without repeating it it will retain its meaning. thanks for the suggestion.
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My favorite part is:
"Curled up in a position so familiar.
Wanting to believe in fairytale endings, but
afraid to want, afraid to need, afraid to hope."
great choice of words throughout the whole peice.
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That last stanza rawked my mind. Yep it did. You said "a position so familiar" rather than "fetus-position". For that alone I could just adore you. Yes, you see things in new ways! Hurrah!
I like the way you described his bitterness, his realization that "he is the enemy". That was neat. Almost gave me associations to holocaust for some reason; creating enemies that are not there.
The flow is sorta neat too. Maybe a bit staccato in places, but it seems to fit the poem.
The eating away at insides is maybe somewhat clichèe -- but i'm just nit-picking really, striving to find something to critique... Because the rest of that ending flowed so well...tearing at his will to keep crying. I know that feel, the feel of just wanting to cry and cry.
Good work, and especially considering you don't see yourself as a writer!
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huh? you say your not a writer... um, I think this sounds pretty damn good for someone who says their not a writer. Nicely done.
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It's alright considering your not a poet.
Here are my thoughts:
The flow of the poem is horrible. when your reading the poem from one line to the next it just doesn't read well. Your spacing of lines in the poem i think needs to be redone. I guess it just depends on the way you read it though.
The overall idea and feeling though is great.
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wow very cool...
i love how i can read his thoughts and his realization
great emotion description int he 2nd stanza
excellent
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you're only the beginner, hmm? this is absolutely beautiful. I couldn't stop reading it over and over.. keep writing; you're very good at this!
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Your really a beginner? This is perfect when spoken out loud. You really have got a nice flow going in this. Superb work! There isn't much else to say. Only that i couldnt relate to the story but thats just me, nothing you did wrong.
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hah, well thanks a lot!
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i don't care what you say, you are a poet now goddamnit. so there. =] - jess
p.s. i love your photos
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I like it very much, it is filled with emotions and is about a situation wich most of us have once gone through.
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wow, i like it!
I don't really know what to say, but i like this thing!
Write more, you write really good!
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WELL DONE!!!
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Wow.
Usually I can critique the hell out of writing, but with this I cant because it was really good.
For you to not be a writer, it almost makes me laugh, because you write better than half the people on this site.
You most definitely need to write more.
The descriptives were just killer in this.. and thats what really makes a poem. You started it out nice, you ended it nicer.
Beautiful stuff here. Please write more sometime.
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Hmm, well that sure was encouraging. I write a lot, but most of it is just venting. I've never really felt the need to work on something and refine it...no motivation. But I guess, I'll take your advice and write somemore? we'll see. Thanks a bunch!
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Yes. write more. post more.
Always have faith in your abilities.
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That's very nice. The first part fits me perfectly as to what I am going through at the moment. But not the hollywood part.
I like your poem here, its detailed and right to the point, not wandering.
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Very well written poem, you conveyed the emotions really well. Good work.
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wow good poem. lots of emotion and honesty.
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umm...you just wrote a poem for every man that ever had depression. i read this poem and got misty (tears started to well in my eyes). you succeeded in writing words that invoke feeling - i.e.: good poetry
very nice, and thank you for this poem.
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sorry about the dramatism...i was really tired.
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don't be so critical of yourself
of u hadn't've told me ur not a poet, i would have thought that you're a very seasoned poet indeed. this is great!
And then he comes to the conclusion that
he is the enemy, that
he is the everything nobody wants.
i love that ^, the 'everything nobody wants' really hits me.
great work
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heh, I'll try not to be so critical about my writing. I'm glad you liked it though, that's very encouraging.
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