HOME | DD
Fae-CaptainofDreams — The Cost of Vanity~
#animal #depression #despair #fox #fury #hair #rage #redfox #sadness
Published: 2016-02-29 00:03:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 2649; Favourites: 71; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
---EDIT--Hey guys, just wanted to let you all know in this REALLY not overly important or life-haulting incident, my hair did get taken care of and is far healthier now.
The barber even found some extra mistakes that last girl made, but that will just...have to grow back X''D
*sigh* It's still pretty short but it should grow almost all the way back by the end of Summer, they said.
I still miss it but am finding ways to enjoy it like this while it lasts, and i'm getting used to it.
Maybe i made a big ass deal out of this partially because i'm Aspergian and can't stand change, idk~.
I'm capable of it though and can cope with things.
If i can handle my friends moving away then i can handle a haircut i guess
Anyway thanks for being supportive and not making me feel like an idiot over this, i love all you guys.
*hugs you all*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--WARNING--
There will be profanity and potential raging.
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm just going to dive right in.
As a person, i identify with long red hair that comes down to almost my waist -- at least the middle of my back, but a little more.
At least i did up until yesterday...
A while back, i had a dream that i was forced to go to a parlor and get my hair chopped off to my shoulders against my will.
I screamed and cried and begged, but it still had to happen and once it was gone, i was in a state of devastation and sadness.
I woke up from that nightmare pawing at my hair and making sure i still had it, and was relieved when i realized it was all still there.
Little did i know that just a month or so later my fears would be realized.
Yesterday my mom spontaneously decided to take me to Fantastic Sam's, a hair parlor to get my hair cut.
Of course, my mom and sister go get their hair played with and colored and shit every two weeks, with an appointment with our family hair dresser who doesn't suck shark balls.
But do i ever get to come along?
Almost never.
Like once every six months honestly...
Figures.
So i protest and say i don't want strangers touching my head and hair, and that i would prefer being with someone i know who will take care of my hair.
But no, apparently we just have to take chances with the one and only person in the family who never wants her hair dyed or totally messed with.
All i EVER want is to have two inches off, my hair a little thinned out (because it is ridiculously thick), and to be styled so it will frame my face.
I don't straighten my hair all the time, no.
Just when i go out on occasions like out to eat or shopping.
That irritated my mom and sister a lot, but i don't give a shit.
I don't straighten it when i go to Target or the grocery store, or to go to McDonald's.
Everyone can suck my metaphorical double-decker alien robot donkey dick.
But just because i don't always dress it up doesn't mean i love it any less, and the feeling of my hair brushing against my back and arms feels good no matter what condition it's in.
I will even post a picture later of my hair color -- it's completely natural, dark red and shines gold in the light.
I'm very proud of it.
So mom takes me anyway, and after 21 years she still doesn't understand why my hair means so much to me.
Everyone in there's hair looked like shit, both before and after it was treated by the dressers.
So then i go up and to my surprise, i actually really liked the girl doing my hair.
She was fun to talk to and really nice, but did not do what we asked.
We asked for a cut to about my shoulder blades (which was too much for me anyway and was making me nervous), to be thinned, and styled.
The girl cut in fucking chunks and cut WAY to much.
The front is uneven by at least two inches (which is super bad), the back is chopped and lopsided from left to right, and there are long weird stringy bits that just hang freely and NOTHING reaches my shoulder blades.
I didn't realize it was THAT BAD until i got in the car, and on the way i home i literally sobbed non stop.
It was a 20 minute ride home.
My throat actually hurts today from the force of holding back GROSS sobs.
On the way home, my mom actually seemed to show remorse, which is rare because even when she's wrong she's never sorry for ANYTHING.
While bawling my eyes out i told her everything else could go; my complexion, my weight, but not my hair.
NOT my hair.
My hair is my pride, it's the best part of my physique.
I can cover an ugly face with make up (if it were ugly and idk, i think i look all right but you know what i mean).
You can wear clothes to compliment you if you gain weight.
I'm 40 lbs heavier than i should be and love my body.
I still know how to exercise style, too.
But get your hair fucked up?
The only way to fix that is to cut more of it off when it gets fixed, and that's what's going to happen Wednesday.
I'm going back to MY barber to get it "repaired," which will mean more trimming to even it out and she had BETTER do a good job because i'm still really livid.
My mom actually hugged me and apologized.
Did you know that people with the animal guide of the fox use their hair to represent their tails from their past life?
That's what mine was for me; big, long and very thick, and very admired.
Now it's gone...
You know what else sucks?
I actually tried to cheer up!
I tried to tell myself it would be fine.
It's not.
It's a fucking disaster, my hair is MUTILATED.
I'm so EMBARRASSED and fed up and just tired.
Yesterday drained me, my eyes still hurt from crying, YESTERDAY.
As a woman, and a very spiritual person, i just prefer having long hair.
I love seeing women who have long hair, i think it's just the epitome of femininity and beauty.
There are short hair cuts that i like too, but on certain women, and most of them have to be thin to pull it off or else they just look bigger or like dudes (unless that's what they wanted).
It sounds mean, but it's how i see things and everyone is entitled to do what they want and if it makes them happy, then good for them.
But I'm not happy.
I literally feel violated, and now we have to pay MORE money to go fix something that shouldn't have been wrecked to shit in the first place.
I pray to GOD my mom takes me back before Wednesday to get a refund.
She even tipped the girl!
I don't know why she would tip her, that sort of just stings me more.
My mom has always wanted my hair a certain length.
My hair.
I'm so fucking sick of not getting that damned fucking decision.
I don't care if she thinks it looks messy.
I don't care if ANYONE does.
It's my fucking hair.
It's on MY body.
Even she admitted this was too short and done AWFULLY, and now it's hideous.
Maybe this was important and needed to happen, so she would finally understand how much my hair means to me.
She was shocked at how much i cried yesterday and honestly?
I still FEEL like crying.
It's just not fair.
As a woman, especially, i shouldn't have had to lose what gave me my confidence and sense of visual appeal to others.
I know that looks aren't everything, but i really don't give two shits what anyone thinks.
What matters is what i think, and how i feel.
And right now i feel horrible.
I can't even look at it.
It's in a ponytail all the time now because i can't stand it...
So yeah, i'm pretty scorned.
I'm just full-on depressed and unhappy.
I'll get over it, and i know it will grow back, but i just want the time i need to be upset.
I'm literally grieving.
And you know what really hurts?
I was debating doing a face reveal and finally removing the mystery as to what i look like.
But nope, fuck it.
Forget it.
I'm sorry, guys...
And i'm sorry to vent but if there's something everyone should know about me, it's that my hair is my pride.
End of story.
That, and my ability to draw.
My hopes are that once it's cleaned up maybe i can find ways to enjoy or make fun of it until it grows back and i've been making jokes about it around the house, but it still stings.
And my mom and i are getting along, i'm not like openly mad at her lol.
I just hope she remains regretful because i've spent my entire life living under the scorn of everyone's else wants for me.
She can handle a month or so.
And yes, i am still laughing and smiling and being as happy as possible and being in a crappy mood only when it fits, like while typing this.
Anyway...
Here's some art depicting my deep feelings, though my mom and i both actually laughed when i showed it to her
Like can i just go a fucking week without some sort of emotional disaster bashing me???
AUGH!
And the color of the fox's fur is based off my hair's color in the light.
The glass represents both the blades that cut my hair and pride, and the mirrors we look into to judge our own looks.
I realize i have a certain level of vanity, but i never strutted around yelling "EVERYONE LOOK AT MY UNIQUE AND UNOBTAINABLE ULTRA RARE RED HAIR!!! AREN'T I FUCKING MAGNIFICENT?!"
No.
I tried to be humble, and to make it look nice when i went out.
Now i've just disconnected from my sense of physical confidence...
Anyway, enjoy.
I know i'm being a little nuts but hopefully someone out there understands.
Enjoy......
---DO NOT STEAL MY FUCKING CONCEPTS, ART OR IDEAS! IF I SEE MY SHIT BEING CLAIMED OR RE-POSTED BY OTHERS I AND MY LEGION OF FIRE-EATING NAIL-SHITTING HELL HOUNDS WILL FIND YOU AND DEVOUR YOUR GENITALS AND NIPPLES AND THEN I WILL SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP YOUR ASS!!!---
P.S.
Don't ever go to Fantastic Sam's.
They ought to change their name to "Fantastic Shits."
I hope they lose business, and God save everyone who goes there and thinks their haircuts actually look ok.
t(=__=t) bastards....
P.S.S.
If you laughed at the cussing and creative insult bits in this description, that would actually be flattering to me.
Thank you~.
Related content
Comments: 141
HAHAHAHA I CAN BE CREATIVE WHEN I'M PISSED DUDE, AHH thank you so much!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yw bro also
i CANT BE CREATIVE AT ALL :')
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YES YOU CAN, REACH DEEP INTO YER NOOTS!!! >8U
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I can relate to this (in some way), when I was younger, I'm obsessed with long hair since I was very girly and would get mad whenever my parents says they'll cut it just a little bit to make sure it'll grow healthy. But last year, I decided to cut my hair short to neck-length since I'm boyish now and I liked it, until it grew a little longer and the hair styler cut tiny bangs around me ears so it looked it pointed out. I did not enjoy it because it makes me long stupid. Hopefully this year I can fix it. So yeah, hope you feel better.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yikes, that doesn't sound fun ;/
Yeah idm a trim for health, but getting it SHEERED OFF LIKE A SHEEP made me mad
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm sorry man :/ but I know as of late you've been doing a lot better ^.^ also... GREAT ART OUO
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah
And THANK YOU OUO
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm so sorry, honestly, if someone (besides myself) messed up my hair I'd be pretty pissed too, even though I can't stand my hair when it's more than a few inches longer that shoulder length because it just gets in the way, but cutting it REALLY short sound even worse! That's actually part of the reason I cut it myself, because if I mess something up it's my fault and I know I'll just have to try and fix it and be more careful next time, but if it was someone else I would be really angry and not talk to them for a week.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
HAHAH that's adorable
Makes sense though, pressure's really on for those other people!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yea, that and I have more time and freedom if I just do it myself because I don't have to make appointments or anything.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm so sorry, honestly, if someone (besides myself) messed up my hair I'd be pretty pissed too, even though I can't stand my hair when it's more than a few inches longer that shoulder length because it just gets in the way, but cutting it REALLY short sound even worse! That's actually part of the reason I cut it myself, because if I mess something up it's my fault and I know I'll just have to try and fix it and be more careful next time, but if it was someone else I would be really angry and not talk to them for a week.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This scene reminds me of Fantastic Mr. Fox when he got his tail shot off.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oh haha, i didn't see that movie XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Lola I remember it from the book. Haven't seen the movie either.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Damn
Well, I'm really happy you seem to have bounced back a bit from this 
And if nothing else, you got some nice vent art here ^^ Great symbolism, and as usual you do an awesome piece of glass
And yes, I quite enjoyed your "cussing and creative insult bits" in the description there
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I deeply enjoyed this comment and your rant as well, you just helped me feel so insanely justified but at peace all at once, it's lovely.
Hahaha, well you ARE beautiful, so you should know
I have pics of myself in stash, you're super close to me so maybe i'll link you and let you see me before my hair was mulched :"D
But yes, glad to know as an adult, i'm not the only one being nagged over hygiene.
Or hair...
or weight... ;___;
That seriously was a mind blowingly calm and wonderful comment, idk what to even say.
And THANK YOU, i drew and colored that in like a two hour time span, like as soon as i came home i ate, relaxed and then went crazy drawing XD
And as always, drawing glass is balls-to-the-wall fun for me
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
A fellow Aspie, eh? Change is hard, especially if it's immediate and not easily fixed. My hair turns into an afro if cut too short, or at least it did before I hit puberty. After being ridiculed in middle school for it, among other things, I vowed I would never cut it short again, unless it was for charity.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Lol yes, i think we discussed that i have it once.
Ahhh, i see.
I'm sorry you were ridiculed, that always sucks.
Mine was just a severe shock, i really didn't expect to have something so valuable to me stripped and sheered like i was a fucking barbie doll in the hands of a 7-year-old with scissors...
Forgive my vulgarity.
There are chunks in my hair apparently in the underside that are stringy and uneven and rough, my barber says that girl used the wrong equipment for what she was doing. :/
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Second round of the same emoji, haha!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
HAHAHA i love that emoji! XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm so glad that you are feeling better :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're welcome X3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
WOOPS, somehow I missed this one! 
Well first off, I love how we're always on the same level of understanding with these things
On a personal level, my hair has also always been a strong factor in confidence and how I view myself. I have blonde hair (used to be very bright. It has sadly darkened, damn!
On that note, despite all this talk I cut my hair just above my shoulders fairly recently, and I've dyed it and occasionally curled it. I consider natural hair to be the most beautiful, but for our purposes here, let me state that: any form of hair is just fine, as long as it makes YOU feel good about yourself. I would prefer if you didn't straighten your hair, but straightening it is fine. Beauty is subjective after all (which makes it all the better), and there's no real 'right' way to do things. On the same subject, despite all I've said on hair, cutting it is fine as long as it means something to you personally. The way I coped with cutting my hair is by associating it with something dear to me:
A while ago I had long hair which I ADORED but I found it very aggravating to keep up with. I didn't like the feeling of it across my back when it was wet and it got in the way for nearly everything I did. Still I didn't want to cut it, but then I thought about how much things have changed for me (and this is because of you.) I'm a lot happier this year than I was last year or really any year preceding it, I've gotten much more interested in art and I'm very happy pursuing it right now. I've made a lot of new friends and I feel like everything that was weighing me back had been lifted. I've just been in great spirits for the longest time. So, what I decided to do about this was to treat cutting my hair as a representation of this. I wanted to associate the negatives of my hair (getting in my way while I was eating, brushing my teeth, walking in the wind, etc.) with the the things that had gotten in my way in the past. That is, with the things that had been holding me back (loneliness, general depression and moodiness, feeling unaccomplished.) I knew my hair wouldn't get in my way after I cut it, and thus I wanted to associate this on a sort of spiritual level that by cutting my hair, I was getting rid of my old grievances for good. I wanted it as a sort of release or conclusion, a sense of finality so I could look at things from a new beginning. Now that it's short, I wanted to have it so I knew those old times couldn't come back to me anymore and I was shutting those experiences out.
So my best advice is, even if it wasn't something you wanted to happen, it's not too late to associate it with something positive. Think about the release of something. This is again something I consider emotionally-bound and I feel kind of intrusive bringing it up but After what happened with your mother and her surgeries, you could connect cutting your hair as distancing yourself from that event. Not forgetting it or pretending like it never happened, but instead physically creating a 'conclusion' in your mind. That chapter is over, done with, and it won't be resurfacing, and even if you had so many positive ties to your long hair, you can still view it that way. It might be a helpful physical way of gaining a feeling of closure, or it could be on anything that's been bothering you lately. Letting go of the past is good, and getting a new look is a great way to open yourself to positive beginnings that will better advance your personal growth.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
--i appreciate your trying to help me in that bottom note, but my mom might actually have to undergo chemo and imma have to be taking care of her...
These damn doctors just just keep changing the rules or don't tell us shit, it feels like~.
Anyway, I HAD TO GET A COKE AND SOME FOOD TO SIT HERE AND READ ALL THIS, I WAS LIKE "OH MY SHIT SHE NOVELLED ME"
This was actually very helpful and deep, and i also love the idea of hair being a spiritual thing and i can easily see it.
I love utilizing it in art, back when i was into Ponyo i would always have The Goddess of Mercy's endless locks flowing everywhere or around her.
It was fun, and i still love using hair this way
And to be perfectly honest, i've come to accept it the way it is now.
I take it as a chance to start over, because apparently my ACTUAL barber discovered i had a type of build up on my scalp, possibly from it not being washed enough.
Now i can do better and condition it more, and my sister even told me that this is an opportunity to "prove her and mom wrong" about my ability to care for my hair better (even though my sis actually isn't that great with hers either
As for you... a-am i really responsible for your happiness this year....???
Is it true???
BECAUSE YOU MADE ME HAPPY, TOOOOOOOOOO!!! *GLOMPS*
That seriously means so much to me
And i'm so glad you are enjoying your hair being short, and i think it was so brave of you to have it cut.
I don't believe much in coloring hair, but to each their own and i'm sure it looks great
I intend to age without every taking dye to my hair -- i want to grow into the old woman with hair down to her legs, greyed and white and a marker of a long life filled with learning and growth.
If the world can hold out, anyway~.
If not, then at least i know i had an aspiration
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well, even so, if it would help..
And yes, hair or the lack thereof is SERIOUS BUSINESS 
It's nice to hear you feel better about it in any case. You were the one who introduced me to DA, and you've been a huge support to me ever since! 
And well, I don't believe much in coloring hair either 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hey of course not
*GASP* A YEAR ALREADY?!?!?
OMFG!!! EXCITEMENT!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know how it can be to have others try and change the way you look. It's despicable, really. I think it comes from people being insecure about their own appearance, so they try and change others' to make them feel better.
I know there's really no other way to make things right, since your hair was your main pride and confidence. I just hope no one tries to take it away from you again, and if they do, show them this.
Anyway, I'm sure your hair will grow back even more beautiful than before, but until then, hang tight! I truly hope you feel better soon
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Luckily we went ahead and got it shaped and repaired early, so i do feel much better
I'm better about it now, but i still am eager for it to all grow back.
Meanwhile i agree, i know my mom has issues with her image and cares WAY too much what people think, and drags me with it.
It's annoying -.-
Thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
My mom would force me to have my hair cut all the time as a kid and would never let me keep it long. As an adult, I NEVER cut it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't blame you, that sounds awful!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm considering getting dreadlocks.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
That's so shitty. We go to a public hair cutters, but at least they do what we want, and do it right. My hair is brown (often described to me as chestnut brown), and I think it's around my shoulder blade level, maybe lower if it wasn't in a ponytail. I may not love my hair as much as you do yours (envious btw, red hair is so beautiful!), but I'd be royally pissed if someone did that to mine.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aww thank you
And OMG RIGHT?
Yeah, i'm glad yours do what you need them to :/
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The problem is me getting over my awkwardness and not just saying "yes" when I don't want to tell them "no, that's not quite right, keep going"
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
HAHAHA testified
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wow that sucks m8
and believe me, i know what hell is with hair, specially bc i have trichotillomania :^)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>