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FifteenthApostle — Hitomi Haruka
Published: 2008-11-21 10:28:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 1725; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 23
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Description
Hitomi Haruka, my first major OC from my NaruHina fan-fic Soul Fire.I really hope you all like her, because she's gonna be around for a long time. She makes her first appearance in chapter 25 which i'll be posting shortly.
So what do you think? I'm hoping for some critique on my drawing skills here. I hope to do a whole lot more character sketches in the future.
Disclaimer: Naruto and junk owned by Kishi-San. Hitomi Haruka owned by me.
Here's the links to my fan-fic if you haven't read it yet.
Volume:1 [link]
Volume:2 [link]
Volume:3 [link]
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Comments: 39
It's very good, but... and I'm sure most of these have been adressed already, but I'm just going to repeat them for repeating's sake.
First of all, the head is pretty small, though that can be a stylistic descision, I always feel the need to point it out. Because it's only stylistic if the person realizes that they're doing it.
Also, her face is kind of... manly. It's partly the line of the jaw, and I think partly the eyebrows and partly the eyes... maybe with a bit of help from the nose. The eyes, in anime especially, usually have some form of showing the eyelashes as far as girls are concerned. Also, I can't say I've ever seen a girl wear sunglasses like that, which isn't helping.
One other thing that bugged me; her right elbow (the one without mesh) has the inner line going all the way to the other side. By that I mean that the right line on the forearm reaches down and touches the lower line of the upper arm. It doesn't normally do that. It will sometimes go halfway, but normaly it doesn't reach all the way down, unless it's in a very particular pose. I'll tell you what I always tell everyone. Look at magazienes. And if you don't get any catalogues, look at fashion store websites or whatever you can find. Look around the photography on deviantart, or just use google images. And, if all else fails, pull a friend or family member as a model or use yourself as one. They'll get used to it.
*shrug* Hope something I said was helpful, even though I know that this is a bit of an older piece. I haven't really gotten a chance to look through your gallery yet, I've been so absorbed in your fanfic.
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Yeah that was an old pic. I was never entirely happy with it, but then I never am. For starters it was drawn far too small, which made it hard to do detail. That, combined with the fact that I'm used to drawing guys, should explain most of the face problems. As for the head size, it's mainly because of the hair, I think.
Right now I'm working on developing my own style. It's more cartoony than this, but still fairly realistic. I hope to post an example soon.
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Ah... something like that. I knew it was an old piece, but sometimes we have to go back and look at our old stuff. See what was wrong with it.
Ah. Yes, styles. I've honestly never consciously thought about changing my style, but it's happened... a lot. I'll be looking foreward to that, regardless.
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0.o I want to steal you away and carry you around in my pocket. You are my muse. I shall sing your praises for all eternity. :sings:
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STALKER!!! 
Seriously kiddo, you need to calm down! I have some devoted watchers, but so far you're the only one that's managed to scare me.
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really nice i would of never thought you'd have a drawing side of you. so whens he next chapter out?
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Thanks. But I would have thought you'd already seen this. I mean you do watch me don't you? I posted a little Naruto and Hinata pic a while back, have you seen that?
In answer to your usual question: Gah!!! I just don't know. I had a bad day of Christmas shopping today. I've only got gifts for two out of seven people so far. Looks like it's gonna be a last minute rush for me again. 
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when did you post that picture of naruto and hinata was it when my computer wasnt working because i kind of skipped some things on my deviations cause i was really behind but i'll try find it right now 
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I think this picture looks very nice. I really like how the character looks and its okay that it took you so long; all good things come to those who work hard for them.
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Thanks, I just wish I had more time to draw. Must write shorter chapters!!!
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Naw, it's okay if you write long chapters. It really makes the story great.
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Yeah, but as I keep saying, it leaves me with no time for anything else! I have loads of other projects that will never get off the ground if I don't start making my chapters shorter so I have some time to work on them.
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I see; that does make sense. Well, you do what you think is best. It's your project, not mine. But anyways, good luck with it and I look forward to reading the next installment.
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she is the only one who could ever pull that outfit off
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Or get into it for that matter.
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after reading your very long reply to calciumfluoride, now I can see why she looks the way she does. With your own style I think she looks great, practice with more female bodystyles probably could have helped, but only to the extent of your style. I like how you drew her though because i can get the sense that she is very skilled and has much expience/wisdom(?)
But over all good job. oh and i love her hair! lol
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Thanks for the enouragement, glad you like it. I really do need more practice though, especially with female pics. I may start a new pick soon, or even today. Not sure if I should just get on with the next chapter though. I don't want to leave it to the last minute and have to play catch up again.
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you're welcome
hahaha well just cause i was blown away by ch.25 I would say start workin on the next chap so i can read more about Hitomi, but idw you to rush or anything XD
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I'll get around to it soon enough. Just as long as I don't leave it until Tuesday again I should be fine. But having a drawing to do at the same time gives me a distraction for when I don't feel like writing. If I don't have anything else to do I end up feeling guilty that i'm not achieving anything. Then I feel all rushed and stressed out.
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hahaha yeah I am the same, maybe thats why it takes forever to a chapter or DJ or HL out cause I am always drawing 
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Nice, I can tell you spent a lot of time on this! I guess from reading the other comments, I noticed some small mistakes, but still, this is way better than anything I can do! Great work!
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I still need loads more practice. I've got a couple of ideas floating around in my head for doujin's/comics, but I just can't draw fast enough. I think I need some practice doing more basic cartoony characters to improve my drawing speed.
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Practice makes perfect...
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Actually with me, perfect is the problem. I'm so obsessed with trying to make my work perfect (which is never gonna happen) that I take way too much time on things that don't really matter. If I wanted to do a comic/doujin speed would be more important. Just look at *mattwilson83 's work. His quality isn't impressive really, but his release schedule sure is! Comic's/Doujin's need to be done at a reasonable pase, otherwise people forget what's going on. You get so little information on some pages that they have to be released close together or they become detatched and confusing. That's my theory anyway. If I was to try a comic/doujin I wouldn't try to draw it to the same standard as this pic. That would just take too long.
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Yeah, I've seen a lot of Matt's work and they are just sort of rough pencil sketches, but you can tell who the characters are, and as you said he's doing that for speed. If he were to make an OC page I'm sure it would be as detailed and meticulus as your sketch is. Don't put too much into trying to make your work look perfect, as long as people can tell what the character is, they won't try to pick out minute mistakes.
Besides, you've got time to practice and get a feel for making doujin's, if that's what you want to do after Soul Fire finishes. Though, it seems like Soul Fire is going to be running for quite a while, right?
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After Soul Fire finishes?!? I'm not sure I'll ever truly be able to finish it. Ideas for the future just keep coming, even faster than I can write them (much faster!). Rough plans for the story go past twenty volumes... No seriously Twenty Volumes! And I keep coming up with new ideas! If I do anything major like a doujin, it'll have to be done either at the same time as Soul Fire, or in between volumes. I know that sounds like a big work load, but that's why i'm trying to organise my chapters better and make them shorter.
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Ha, Ha, Ha, I kind of knew that was going to be your response. But wow! Twenty volumes...you're going to make this as long as the actual Naruto series, huh? Not that that wouldn't be good, keep writing those stories!
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I'll try. 
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i like how the hair isnt so bundeled up
nice work
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Her hair is the characters trademark, I really wanted to go to town on it. I can't wait to do some action shots of her in the future. Long hair is a great way to represent movement in a static picture.
Thanks for the comment.
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i can tell that her hair is the tradmark, the action shots will most likely look great, and welcome
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Thanks.
I still need more practice though, she took ages.
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after i look at it up close, i think she look rather like a guy than a girl
firstly, the facial and head features... the eyebrows are too thick, the neck is too muscular, and chin not too pointy. Girls usually have '
I've got no problem with the hair, but the shoulder seemed a bit too broad... from the chest to foot is pretty good, more 'curve' for her waist to avoid 'straight' bodies like guy's...
i suggest you pay more attention to girl's face and body proportions and then practice several times before submitting the final result.
however, its not that im saying your drawing is bad. You just lack of practice in drawing girls... the rest are ok...
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I agree with most of what you said. This is only the second drawing i've posted on dA and I certainly need more practice. I am accustomed to drawing guys, my thing used to be drawing plate armoured knights. She originally looked even bigger, but I trimmed her down a whole lot.
Let me address your comments individually.
The eyebrows are thick because the drawing was done too small. Her hair is supposed to be white so I didn't want to just draw two lines or they would look black. I had to make them thick so there would be a clear gap between the top and bottom lines, otherwise they would have looked even blacker.
The neck may look too thick because of the angle it's on. You can't see it because of her hair, but she's actually supposed to be pulling her head back a bit. That was clear before I drew in the hair.
The chin not being pointy enough is probably just a mistake. I kinda noticed that after I scanned it. But to a certain extent making her chin more square was intentional. I did this in my own style, rather than trying to copy a manga/anime style. I often find women in manga/anime sometimes look like tall curvacous eight year olds! I wanted to make it clear that she's an adult, not a teenager. Perhaps I went a bit overboard.
The nose may seem too big, but again that's partly my own style and partly because the picture was drawn too small. Many manga/anime characters hardly have noses at all (and some just plain don't). Originally her nose was smaller, but it looked too small to me so I made it a little bigger. Faces are hard to do just right, so once I got it looking good I was reluctant to make any changes. On the last picture I posted, I actually redrew Hinat's mouth so many times it started to wear through the paper!
The shoulder was one of the problems I spent a lot of time trying to fix and I never quite got it right. It may look bigger because of the style of jacket, which you can see has a pointed shoulder if you look at it.
The curve of the body is again part of my style. Many styles over exaggerate the curve of the body to ram home the point that yes it is a girl! This is understandable considering that manga/anime characters often end up looking rather small on the final page/screen. With my style however, I always try to make the proportions as realistic as possible. I don't just draw what you see. I start by drawing a manequin, then add clothing and details over it. This makes sure that all the lines and curves are in the right place and the drawing looks three dimentional. I hate drawing flat looking pictures. Also the curve of her upper body is partially obscured by her jacket. She's actually leaning back a little bit, but you can't see it very well. It would have looked better without the jacket, but I like jackets a lot, so I wanted to give her one. I had a similar problem with my other sketch, where Naruto is wearing an open vest, which makes him look very chunky. People seem to think he looks older and I suspect that's the main reason.
Your final comment is absolutely right. I don't have nearly as much practice in drawing as I would like, especially with girls. I hope to get in a lot more practice in the near future.
As a final note, I would like to thank you for taking the time to really give me some solid and well thought out critique. This is just the kind of feedback I was hoping for.
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you're very welcome, my friend ^^
and i nearly squint my eye just by looking at your long comment @_@;;
oh, she's supposed to look as if she's leaning back, ay? hmm... maybe you should practice more in perspective. and try to draw her in a bigger space, just for the sake of making her look better... (and for practice)
when you are used to her proportions, i am sure that soon enough you will be able to draw her in various sizes (i mean on paper, you get the idea...)
last advice, keep practicing!
and i know you can do it, because you have your very own original style ^^
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correction, "Girls have POINTIER chin than guys"
that emote just ruins my sentence T_T
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