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firelord-zuko — Toss a Coin
by-nc-sa
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#chim #ebonywarrior #dragonborn #elderscrolls #skyrim #serana #fourthwallbreaking
Published: 2015-05-19 22:06:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 1071; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 5
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Description
Quick and dirty ficlet featuring a CHIM-ish Last Dragonborn x a very annoyed Serana. Only metaphysically set in the same verse as Into the Peace of the Blessed, which is quite different in tone. Semi-inspired by reaching 100% completion in Skyrim, or as near as as possible.Related content
Comments: 24
Ahahahaha! This is pretty meta. Poor Serana doesn't know what the heck is going on. Neither did I, but it was still funny.
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Cheers 
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Ha! Wow. That's actually kind of scary.
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The guy who wrote it is a scary guy. This is some of his writing on the subject:
Vivec looked on the King of Rape and said:'How very beautiful you are, that you do not join us.'
And Molag Bal crushed the warrior-poet's feet, which were not invulnerable, and had legions cleave them off. Mighty fires from the Beginning Place were brought like nets to hold Vivec and he let them.
'I would prefer,' he said, 'some kind of ceremony if we are to be married.'And the legions that took the feet were summoned again and ordered to begin a banquet. Pomegranates sprang from the badlands and tents were raised. A throng of Velothi mystics came, reading the passages of the severed feet on the ground and weeping until the scriptures were wet.
'We must love each other briefly,' Vivec said, 'if at all. I am needed to counsel the Hortator in more important matters because the Dwemeri high priests stir up trouble. You may have my head for an hour.'Molag Bal rose up and extended six arms to show his worth. They were decorated in runes of seduction and its reverse. They were decorated in the annotated calendars of longer worlds. When he spoke, mating monsters fell out.
'Where must it go?' he said.'I told you,' Vivec said, 'I am meant to be the teacher of the king of the earth. AE ALTADOON GHARTOK PADHOME.'With these magic words, the King of Rape added another: 'CHIM,' which is the secret syllable of royalty.
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Now I'm just confused. The King of Rape?? Six arms? Mating monsters fell out?? This is weirder than Greek mythology, and that has women laying swan eggs.
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The King of Rape is Molag Bal, the Daedric Prince of domination, slavery and (you guessed it) rape. As a sidenote, Serana is intimately and traumatically familiar with him. The rest, uh ... uh ... some more from his sermons? :'D
Then came the war with the northern men, where Vivec did guide the Hortator into swift and tricky union with the Dwemer. The greatest demon chieftains of the frigid west were those listed below, five in unholy number.
HOAGA , the Mouth of Mud, who appeared as a great bearded king, had the powers of Marshalling and breathing the earth. On the battlefields, this demon would often be seen on the sidelines, eating the soil voraciously. When his men fell, Hoaga would fill their bodies back with it, whereupon they would rise again and fight, albeit slower. He had a Secret Name, Fenja, and destroyed seventeen Chimeri villages and two Dwemeri strongholds before being turned away.
CHEMUA, the Running Hunger, who appeared as a mounted soldier with full helm, had the powers of Heart Roaring and of sky sickening. He ate the Chimeri hero, Dres Khizumet-e, sending the spirit back to the Hortator as an assassin. Sometimes called First Blighter, Chemua could give clouds stomach aches and turn the rain of Veloth into bile. He destroyed six Chimeri villages before he was slain by Vivec and the Hortator.
BHAG, the Two-Tongued, who appeared as a great bearded king, had the powers of Surety and Form Change. His raiders were small in number, but ran amok in the west hinterlands, killing many Velothi trappers and scouts. He fell in a great debate with Vivec, for the warrior-poet alone could understand the northern man's two-layered speech, though ALMSIVI had to remain invisible during the argument.
BARFOK, Maid of Planes, who appeared as a winged human with lick-encrusted spear, had the powers of Event Denouement. Battles fought against her would always end in victory for Barfok, because she could shape outcomes by singing. Four Chimeri villages and two more Dwemeri strongholds were destroyed by her decision enforcement. Vivec had to stuff her mouth with his milk finger to keep her from singing Veloth into ruin.
YSMIR , the Dragon of the North, who always appears as a great bearded king, had powers innumerable and echoing. He was grim and dark and the most silent of the invading chieftains, though when he spoke villages were uplifted and thrown into the sea. The Hortator fought him unarmed, grabbing the Dragon's roars by hand until Ysmir's power throat bled. These roars were given to Vivec to bind into an ebony listening frame, which the warrior-poet placed on Ysmir's face and ears to drive him mad and drive him away.
'The coming forth and the driving away brings all things around. What I shall say next is unpleasant to record: HERMA-MORA -ALTADOON! AE ALTADOON!'The ending of the words is ALMSIVI .
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D: This is why I prefer Dragon Age over most fantasy settings. No unnecessary rape and abuse to make the setting dark and gritty.
ANYWAYS, I'm also a little disturbed with "he had to stuff her mouth with his milk-finger". When I played Skyrim I just walked around with Aela and a giant greatsword and hit some things in the face. None of this weird stuff
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To be fair, all of this takes place in the backstory. As a matter of fact, Elder Scrolls has always been far more light-hearted than Dragon Age. Michael Kirkbridge, TES' loremaster, did admit that he was apparently under the influence while writing the 36 Lessons of Vivec. Plus, Vivec is a bit of a troll, and it's debatable how much of his Lessons is "true" or allegorical and how much is just fictive innuendo.
The holy one returned at last, Vehk , golden with wisdom. His head found its body had been tenderly used. He mentioned this to Molag Bal, who told him that he should thank the Barons of Move Like This , 'For I have yet to learn how to refine my rapture. My love is accidentally shaped like a spear.'
So Vivec, who had a grain of Ayem 's mercy, set about to teach Molag Bal in the ways of belly-magic. They took their spears out and compared them. Vivec bit new words onto the King of Rape's so that it might give more than ruin to the uninitiated. This has since become a forbidden ritual, though people still practice it in secret.
Here is why: The Velothi and demons and monsters that were watching all took out their own spears. There was much biting and the earth became wet. And this was the last laugh of Molag Bal:
'Watch as the earth shall crack, heavy with so much power, that should have been forever unalike!'👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well, that 'influence' is showing through a little bit.
You know, it does kind of sound like real historical texts. They tend to be so strange that you think 'no one could make this up', but low and behold, they can!
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And Vivec is actually the least insane member of ALMSIVI 
I think you mean real religious texts. Historical texts tend to be either dull or very solemnly hilarious, such as the court record of the British officer who bit another's throat out for daring to steal five pounds from him, and was acquitted of murder and manslaughter because that apparently justified it.
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I'm sorry to say I don't recall the line, but this guy sounds a bit full of himself
Good God. What year was this? It's like all upperclass people in Britian were rabid dogs.
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It's one of the lines Heimskr is shouting. And to be fair, Tiber Septim conquered the entire known world and became an actual god after his death -- and this line is from when he said a single word to transform the province of Cyrodiil from a tropical jungle into temperate grasslands
1770s, but it was an Irishman, so that's only to be expected
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Ohh right, I had to Google it but I remember now. The weird preaching guy in Whiterun. Never paid him much attention.
Riiiight and this guy was the Emperor of the entire continent. There is so much lore I have forgotten and/or never noticed at all.
Oh, it's alright then. We can forgive the Irish for being a bit too bold
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TES lore is absolutely massive, and I think it's fair to say that the only person who really understands it, if anyone does, is Michael Kirkbridge (who writes most of the more esoteric stuff). One thing that's barely ever mentioned in the games is that there was a period a thousand years ago or so where time went crazy, people were their own great-grandparents, and maths and causality didn't work. The whole thing was caused by an attempt by Alessian fanatics (which is a whole other can of worms) to "cleanse" Akatosh of his elven aspect of Auri-El, and outside observers record the whole thing as lasting precisely 1008 years (on the outside -- and No Years on the inside). And then there's the time when the empire and the high elves had a space race to settle the greater of Nirns two moons, which was actually the rotting corpse of creator-god Lorkhan. Or the ending of TES II: Daggerfall, where all five or six mutually exclusive endings happened all at once. Or Morrowind, where you fulfil a prophecy by attempting to fulfil it, i.e., you make yourself into the prophecied hero, then become the reincarnation of Nerevar Indoril ... sorry for the rant
They don't know any better, really.
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I just- what- how-
They went to SPACE??? The moon was a DEAD GOD??
This is all too much. I don't even know how you manage to keep track of it. And rant all you like, it's good to see geeky enthusiasm is still very much alive in the world
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In magical spaceships. All the heavenly bodies in TES lore, with the exception of planet Nirn itself, are the still-living corpses of the Aedra, those gods whom Lorkhan tricked into giving up their power and / or lives to assist him in the creation of Mundus, the physical universe. The stars meanwhile are the holes left behind when the panicked lesser et'Ada / original spirits fled the young creation, and through them shines light from Aetherius, which is the source of magic. The moons of Nirn, Masser and Secunda, are a special case -- they are the shattered remains of Lorkhan, who was (depending on whom you believe) slain and dismembered by the Aedra Trinimac, who had survived the sundering as the Daedra Malacath, and / or sun-god Auri-El, and / or sacrificed himself to create mortality. Masser and Secunda are his body, but after his slaying, Trinimac-Malacath tore out his still-beating hard and flung it all across Tamriel. In flight, a drop of blood fell on the White-Gold Tower where it formed the Amulet of Kings, which is important for the plot of Oblivion, and eventually the heart landed on the slopes of Red Mountain in Morrowind, where it would eventually be used by the Dwemer / Dwarves to cause their apotheosis and / or disappearance, as well as being used by ALMSIVI -- Almalexia, Sotha Sil and Vivec -- as well as their rival Dagoth Ur to become the immortal god-kings of Morrowind. At the end of the eponymous game, the Nerevarine "destroys" (rather, caused it to disappear -- as it is of Aedric essence, it cannot be destroyed) the Heart of Lorkhan, which causes the eruption of Red Mountain and may have had a part in the barrier between Mundus and Oblivion opening, allowing Mehrunes Dagon to invade Tamriel.
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You lost me at 'still-living corpses'... But that star thing is really beautiful. With the magic shining through them.
It all sounds so genuine though. Kudos to the people who made that lore up. I especially like the part about the still-beating heart.
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It's metaphysics. No need to understand it, it never actually matters
It's even in the soundtrack -- www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXpfCD…
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Well.... fair enough. Still, it's impressive that someone made it up
That's pretty. It's a bit more mellow than the Skyrim theme.
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Hey, they gotta fill all those in-game books somehow
It fits the mood of the game. Also plays in the world, and I'd get terrified if Dovahkiin randomly started playing in Skyrim. I'd go looking for dragons swooping down on me, which is bad.
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True, very true. I guess most people don't even read them.
Yes, swooping is bad
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I've done a "librarian" playthrough once where I tried to get and read every single book, then sort them by topics and alphabetically in my houses. Didn't finish.
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XD That is very ambitious.
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There's not actually that many, and most can be found inside the Arcanaeum if you're willing to steal (I wasn't). In the end, it was mod conflicts that got me
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