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Fraido — its raining
Published: 2005-10-20 00:59:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 56; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 4
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Description
The people I've killed and left are raining...raining from the etched clouds
and im drowning in the crimson puddles the tempest has left behond for me
besides the awkward hugs
besides me dragging you down
it's raining...
i can carve etches of clouds on my body
hoping to fog out my memories
but all theyll do is rain
the clouds rain
Comments: 3
I can tell this is a bleeder (style of poetry where you let it all out in one sitting and never really look back, kind of waht I do), but I can still critique it for future developments on other poetry.
try to make the imagery make a little more sense, you notice how the rain is red in your poem, I have to ask, does it really feel red to you? or is it just cliche, red being taught as a vengeful sorrowful thing. really dig deep and show how it feels and why your subconcious choice rain as the imagery. everything happens and there are no accidents. we just have to figure out why.
I hope this helps and doesn't just piss you off
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