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Glinel — The Seemingly Endless Battle
Published: 2016-07-22 13:08:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 862; Favourites: 110; Downloads: 0
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Let me tell you a little something about myself:since February 2016 my depression started kicking in heavily. I have been suffering from this for several years but never has it gotten this bad. I haven't gotten the motivation to go outside and relax, get my mind of things and and continue with photography, stuff like that.
Until July I have been spending most of my time in my room behind my laptop and on my phone, wasting away my time because I literally cannot do anything else that I truly enjoy. It has been so hard to say "I'm gonna go out for a walk." and actually do it, while in the end I just stayed in my room being miserable all the time. I really could not get myself to do anything else and I hated it so much.
People have been telling me that in the end things will be okay, that my life will get better over time; basically all that cliché shit that's so easy to say. Nobody ever mentions how you first have to go through heavy ups and downs and feeling many times that you're too weak to handle it and move on. Then there are people who say that they will be always there for you; but when you actually need them they cannot help you like you more or less expected them to.
I am now nineteen years old and I've had depression since I was thirteen. I have gone through all of this multiple times and it's genuinely frustrating. I often believe that I cannot fight this battle against depression on my own, with parents who do not understand it and a girlfriend who lives hundreds of miles away.
In the end it's gonna be me taking the lead in this fight. I don't want to, but I have to. It's easy to die for someone, but try living for someone. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. I am trying to continue to live for the people who I love; my best friend, my girlfriend, the people who occasionally annoy me and yet they are so understanding of what I am going through. Unlike my parents; they are the people who do not judge, they do not compare what they went through with what I am going through. They are the people who I would miss to hang out with once I'm gone, I would miss talking to them, have them throwing me over their shoulder and taking pictures of me having a moment of joyful peace.
I often don't believe that it will be okay in the end. But I want to keep trying. I want to keep fighting and see what is actually that light beyond the horizon.
I just hope that it'll be worth it.
LOCATION: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
DATE: February 16th, 2016
These two pictures are taken with my phone from my bedroom window.
I am sorry if they are not the best quality, but I hope you can see the the connection between a story like my own and the pictures.
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Comments: 33
Depression is an endless struggle for a lot of us. As a person who has (and still is) dealing with depression for similar reasons. I'm also sorry for your parents misunderstanding you. Yes it is very diffivult to deal with those who misunderstand, lie, and reject you for whatever reason. But in the end you need to live and fight for others but also live for yourself. For your purpose. For your beliefs. Because at the end of the day, they won't do it for you even if they "say" they will. This was a great story and insight and I support you.
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Some people say that "You should have an armor that can protect your heart from harm, even if your body gets harmed and your health becomes bad... you know that what you have inside won't be changed, that you will remain firmly in personal thoughts and feelings, creating your own universe, developing the most valuable treasure for those near you".
Other people say that "You should have an external armor that can protect you from others, intimidate others, or maybe convince them using all kind of speeches and psychological tools, for good or bad, to protect yourself".
Well, whatever you decide to pursuit, I hope you the best. Keep motivated with your goals and never give up on them, because that is what will make your life to fulfill a purpose in this world. There is people outside that need of you, everytime... those ones that will be happy because of what you can offer to all of them.
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I have fought with depression all my life. Diagnosed borderline manic depressive at age 12. I am now in my early 50's and the battle still wages. I'm happy to say I am still winning.
Understanding what you are dealing with within your own body is a powerful weapon. I have come to learn all the signs my body gives me when I am starting to go into a decline and that allows me to alter my environment, my actions or my daily habits as needed in order to break the oncoming cycle. To date I have avoided going on medication and I hope to continue to do so. Only time can say for sure but for now...
I wish you the best of luck. Keep it in the back of your head that you are not alone, ever. Know that. Understand that and never question it. If things get too bad just reach out. On your good days teach those that love you how they can help. Don't assume they know or understand. The will be your best asset and allies in keeping you healthy.
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I like take pictures of the clouds and I don't see only the connection with the depression. I see a beautiful landscape ant it reminds me how much I like nature and life. So I will go outside for a walk. And I know I'll smile^^
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This is real urban photography, I like this kind of stuff.
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I understand pretty much everything you've said here. I too believe things will turn out all right in the end, but I don't know how to get to the end of the road. I know what it's like to want to just give up. I hope it is not too hard for you to carry those burdens; where I am, in Australia, it's not helped by a 'manly' culture, where such things are seen as weak by people who don't know any better. It isn't weakness, not now, not ever. I hope you can keep persevering and find people who'll keep on supporting you.
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!!STOP!!
You are not allowed to trace, reproduce,
copy, edit or republish this in any way without
my written permission.
Does this mean you don't want anyone to re tweet either it would give you some exposure
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Since I am not on Twitter myself; no.
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Thanks glad I asked Iam also reading the other artists thanks for the heads up on comments
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You know Kuipers book?
s.vk.nl/s-a635122/
Was very interesting to me. Read it in german, I don't speak dutch. He thinks, there is a cultural tradition in nl about guild and aggression against oneself. But I think, we all have to fight our transgenerational heritage seeking happiness.
I wish you all the best!
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I see, that's interesting.
I'll look into it, thanks!
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I have little idea of what it feels like going through that, but I can imagine that it's very difficult. I think that as long as there are people and things to live for it's worth the fighting. I just want to say that I wish you the best with the fight even though I cannot help (I even don't know if what I am saying is full of cliché).
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"In the end it's gonna be me taking the lead in this fight." This is a good thing to know. You are, or soon will be, old enough to manage your health with the medical help you choose. As an earlier commenter said, pills (alone) don't work. Working with my doctor over three years, mindfulness meditation, gentle yoga and brisk, mindful, walks helped some - especially in the few hours, or minutes, after. Those things are all worthwhile, good to have in your life, and I still practice them. Eventually my doctor prescribed a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI), and that has helped tremendously.
"I often don't believe that it will be okay in the end. But I want to keep trying. I want to keep fighting and see what is actually that light beyond the horizon.
I just hope that it'll be worth it."
There is no end. You have to keep fighting, but with the right help, and with experience, it gets easier. The light beyond the horizon is nothing more than a simple life.
It is worth it.
With love.
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It's kind of interesting since it looks like the buildings are burning or there is a fire beyond and I think it's fitting as symbol of what you go through. I have similar feelings and I just got to say, this is amazing! ^_^
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I'm very glad that you like it.
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This is a good example of small changes in atmosphere.
The elements are a very power tool to use in personal experience. Taking a walk in the rain for example is a good way to meet mind and world.
This is very skillfully executed photography.
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1st... that must feel extremely exhausting...
2nd... not that it actually helps... but still... here... take this rainbow sheep... who knows when it might come in handy to have a rainbow colored sheep around ...
(on a second thought...better add another to the mix... )
take care & all the best...
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Admittedly, yes; it is very exhausting.
Thank you for the fluffy sheep.~
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This is such a beautiful shot, the second especially symbolizes the 'light beyond the horizon', and I admire your willpower. Keep on fightin' man! 
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All my prayers... Note me if you want/need to talk...
BTW, your work is lovely. Truly!
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People generally do not understand depression. When you are NOT depressed how can you understand it. The depressed person looks ok--their leg is not broken, they do not have massive wounds. If they did people would say, "Stay and rest, get medical treatment, etc". But you look ok--just sad so they say, "Get a life!"
I sympathize with you but do not have answers as I suffer the same often. And I am much older. Pills do not work though. Must be another answer.
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Well the sentence "When you are NOT depressed how can you understand it." is not entirely true, for I have friends who do not have depression and do a better job at supporting me than those who do have depression.
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No, they "support you" but they can not feel what you feel.
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That's true, but even so; they can understand without having to feel the same things.
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incredibly amazing and stunningly epic photo!!!
this fire ?
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I glad to hear that you're at a point where you can take life by the horns and steer it to where you want to go. I hope things keep going that way for you.
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The sky is so beautiful... That's wonderful! Congratulations for the GREAT AND WONDERFUL work!
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