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GodlessVampire — Away
Published: 2007-01-17 00:27:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 116; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
AwayI wish the sky would fill with clouds
So I could hide in shadows,
Away from you,
Away from myself.
I wish the rain would pour forth
To cleanse these open wounds
And heal these bleeding hearts
That I can not.
I wish I didn't have to lie
That you would accept me as I am
So the shadows would be useless
But you've denied to look.
I wish I didn't have to run
So we could lie togehter,
But we'll say our last goodbyes
That I wish would never come.
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Comments: 7
I think maybe you could do something with this line. "That you would accept me as I am/So the shadows would be useless". From the rest of your work, it seemed more like they wanted acceptance, so the shadows hiding them wouldn't be useless, they'd just be uneccessary.
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They are afraid of what the other thinks of them, so they hide themselves, wanting to be noticed and brought from the shadows they are in.
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I was just thinking that the shadows would still have a point, that person just wouldn't need them anymore. But that's the beauty of intrepretation.
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They would still exist, in her past, perhaps. I rewrote it anyway and will post it soon. I think it's a bit clearer, but I'm not sure it's ready yet.
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I'm looking forward to reading it.
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Seems a bit...abrupt. Maybe that's what you were going for, but I think if this was a bit more flowing it'd be better.
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Now that I am looking back on it, it does seem a bit more rushed than I intended. I'll see what I can do.
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