Comments: 21
OctoberLilacs [2006-01-28 03:59:19 +0000 UTC]
Good Start. Looking forward to more.
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LifeDot [2006-01-19 00:05:10 +0000 UTC]
I like the charecters you've set up. My one constructive comment is that maybe you want to tone down the language a little. Where I noticed it most is when Malaya is talking to Aiden. It just doesn't make sense to me that real people would talk like that. It just seems... forced. Please feel free to completely ignore me, I just want to help.
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GodlessVampire In reply to LifeDot [2006-01-20 02:04:21 +0000 UTC]
I guess I talk strangely, which is why when I write dialogue it can sound odd. I think I'll look at it though. Thank you, it's a hard thing to notice when it's something that I think.
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GodlessVampire In reply to GodlessVampire [2006-01-20 02:05:54 +0000 UTC]
Forgot to mention, that the way Aidan talks is purposeful, it's not supposed to have modern fluidity. Malaya however, should.
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LifeDot In reply to GodlessVampire [2006-01-20 02:50:21 +0000 UTC]
When I was reading what Aiden said I thought that might have been the case, but Malaya I think I noticed most. And I know what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to seperate the way you speak and the way charecters talk. I hate dialogue...
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GodlessVampire In reply to LifeDot [2006-01-20 15:41:29 +0000 UTC]
so do I. I'm posting the edit of that little rant of hers now.
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GodlessVampire In reply to IrishTwilight [2006-01-15 18:45:50 +0000 UTC]
They're interesting people, in my head, and I'm glad you think their story will be interesting. I will be working much on it.
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GodlessVampire In reply to IrishTwilight [2006-01-18 19:46:45 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, it makes it a bit hard to study though, you know?
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