Comments: 20
Finndude91 [2022-11-22 18:01:28 +0000 UTC]
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GiantessfanAlice [2011-09-03 03:07:51 +0000 UTC]
Yush Persona 4 FMG bout time!!
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Xenith88 [2011-08-26 02:36:56 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow I'm kind of late to this one, not sure how I missed it. Really awesome though, I enjoyed it. I liked the bit of her dreaming of herself, that was great. I hope you decide to continue this and I hope she ends up even *BIGGER* than the drawing! XD
Just totally MASSIVE!
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Velocinyx [2011-08-03 17:09:55 +0000 UTC]
Okay, here I go.
I gotta say the first thing I noticed was the list of names.
In writing, characters shouldn't be simply listed. At the least you could attach an adjective to each of them, then it would be easier to remember them all. If you want to get fancy then add them into an scene, doing something that defines them. Even if they're not present, you can show the effect they've had on another character. Like post-it notes on a desk.
Secondly, a character doesn't describe themselves objectively. When someone looks in a mirror, they don't notice everything about themselves, (unless they have just switched bodies, transformed, taken a powerful mental focus medication that makes them notice everything, etc.) they notice the quirks. To wit, the one hair out of place.
I hope this helps! ._.
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-03 19:58:01 +0000 UTC]
okay that really helps! i'll try and include more of it in the next part!
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-08 07:25:08 +0000 UTC]
ok sure i will! i also have three other growth stories i wish to do if you could help me out. i plan on doing a CC growth story and one for morrigan aensland where that'll be a self-insert, do you think you could help me with that?
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Velocinyx In reply to GrandMasterLucilious [2011-08-09 02:40:42 +0000 UTC]
1. Sure, where would I find said stories?
2. What is CC?
3. Can I call you Luke? It seemed like a cool abbreviation.
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-09 11:17:05 +0000 UTC]
well i dont have them up yet, i have partial drafts of the stories. CC is the main female lead of code geass and yes you can call me luke, its a cool nickname
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-11 21:59:35 +0000 UTC]
nope, C.C. is supposed to be her initials actually, pronounced C2, but nobody knows her real name except the main character lelouch and we (the audience) doesn't hear it
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-12 10:29:51 +0000 UTC]
yeah something like that i have a draft/outline of the story i'll probably send you a copy of it via note tomorrow
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-14 22:09:24 +0000 UTC]
okay so i sent you a copy of the draft via note. its really in pieces though
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GrandMasterLucilious In reply to Velocinyx [2011-08-30 01:20:54 +0000 UTC]
yeah i figured that thanks for the advice. i'll probably get a better draft to you later. if you really want to know whats happening, you should watch code geass to get a feel of it, its a pretty good show
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