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honey-art — OCD
Published: 2009-12-24 21:42:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 4402; Favourites: 55; Downloads: 0
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Description
I have OCD.The fear. The phobia of everything.
I am a prisoner inside my own mind.
A hermit, huddled in its shell.
My mind is like a sponge. I squeeze until nothing is left.
Until all the water is gone. Until everything I am is gone.
I stress myself.
Convince myself.
That I am insane.
That I am nothing, without the fear.
I can think of nothing but the fear.
The phobia.
The paranoia.
The ridiculousness of the fear is astonishing even to myself.
But I cannot stop.
I will not stop.
The fear eats me up until nothing is left.
It tears me apart.
Rips me limb from limb.
But I will not make it stop.
I cannot make it stop.
Is this a chemical imbalance in the brain?
Is this God’s idea of a practical joke?
Is this growing up?
Is this something that will pass?
I obsess over these questions.
I wait for this nightmare to end.
I wait the day I can rest my thoughts for ever.
Think more of the people who are suffering more than I am.
Dying.
Starving.
Killing each other.
Like I’m killing myself.
Limb from limb.
Inside and out.
I do this.
I do this everyday of my life.
I do this, because I have OCD.
The fear.
The obsession.
The ghost of my past, present, and future.
My own personal hell.
My own enemy.
My own self.
Eating itself alive.
I actually do have severe OCD, something that has controlled my life since time began basically haha. It's gotten so bad to where I need counseling, and I just ended a relationship over it. My friend (ex-boyfriend) is very consoling and understanding about it so it didn't end badly, but it did end our relationship for the time being. This picture was inspired by this one here -> [link] and by my current situation. I hope to get help soon for my disorder, and hope I can get back together with my ex-boyfriend when my brain has finally shut up. I might color this by the way, and upload it later. By the way, if any of you who see this have OCD, let me know. I'd like to know how you deal with it since not many people I know have it :]
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Comments: 25
This is portrayed in such a unique way, I love your artwork.
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can't tell you how much this reminds me of my own OCD "spectre/demon" (the way I picture it)
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This is exactly like i feel....i have ocd and its like being a slave to your own mind, like if someone is holding a gun to your head, saying that you will never be free again...
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I can definitely feel the pain of this picture. I've had OCD for three years now it's not easy. A very moving and thoughtful work.
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Off center,
Leaves you slipping,
Slowly down,
Away from here.
And now lost,
Perspective leaves you tripping,
Face down,
Amongst the fear.
Balance,
Takes an effort.
Strips the feeling,
Down to bone.
But makes sense,
Amid the reeling points of clarity,
I’ve known.
Press down,
The pessimistic edge,
That lures with blackened sentiment.
Dilate,
The eye that see’s the truth.
Through liers layered sediment.
Distill,
The superficial,
Not one mote of notice take.
Read between each line,
See not the words.
Each sentence left to shake and break.
The truth will-out,
For always,
In a special kind of way.
You just have to catch it in your heart.
Be it stone or glass or clay.
x
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yup, many moons ago, but it still holds true.
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it does indeed
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I have slight OCD, it maybe getting worse. But I try with the help that I am getting. But I don't know. But I understand and hope that your help works.
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it comes and goes. Mine peaks sometimes while other time it relaxes for a while. Just don't focus so much on it and it'll be fine.
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I try not to focus. But I shall try harder. Thanks!
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yeah, just don't let it control your life
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I have OCD as well, and your description pretty much sums it up. One of the worse parts about OCD is the constant feeling that I am out of my mind insane. Yet worse then that is the need to convince myself that I really am crazy as some kind of torture. I have never really been able to keep friends because I have this need to seclude myself from everyone, not really physically but mentally. I also due this out of torture for myself. I don't know if you have every felt any of these things but your photo really spoke to me in the sense of the true captivity your mind can have over you. I could go on and on about it but you already described it beautifully. So thank you for letting me see that I am not alone.
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:]]] I'm glad you can relate to this, and yes I have had feelings like that, you are definitely not alone.
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This picture really hits home with me. I, too, have OCD, a very rare form called trichotillomania. I pull my hair out, literally. I was diagnosed when I was only eight years old, and went to a phycologist for over a year to get it under control. People who don't have OCD don't seem to understand that we didn't /choose/ to be freaks, to have these terrible urges and ticks and fears. It's still so taboo in our society. All mental illness is. I was so embarrassed for so long over something that I had no more control over than the color of my skin, and I hid it from the people who loved me the most. Many of my friends didn't know that I had it until this year, when I decided that I didn't want to hid anymore. I wanted to come out and tell the world me story. There are so few people out there who are willing to stand up and say, "Hey, this is who I am and this is what I have, and there's nothing wrong with that." People with OCD aren't crazy or insane. We all know that what we do is odd and unnatural and wrong. We can't change the fact that we were born the way we were. But we /can/ change how society looks at us. We can help people understand through speaking out about our experiences, though art and writing. Your art is beautiful in its story, because it is the truth about what we live with every day. Even I, in a remission of sorts for the past seven years, have to deal with the urges that still haunt me, wanting me to relapse. It never goes away, but the fight can either make us or break us. I'm a stronger, better person because of it, and I think that talking about it not only helps me better understand myself and come to terms with my trich, but will also help others understand that the face of OCD might be sitting right next to them in third period Chem. class or on bus 152. OCD can be anyone. Thank you for your beautiful artwork, because you're art might help others understand who we are and where we come from as people living with OCD and it's symptoms every day.
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wow, just wow. Thank you so much, this is pretty much my life's story what you just described now. I just had an argument a few minutes ago with my parents about one of my OCD fears, and reading this really made me come back to reality. It's true, we are not insane or crazy, but we do live with this disorder every day of our lives. It's tearing me apart, and it's tearing my family apart. I hope I can be as accepting of myself as you are of yourself. What you said really means a lot to me :]
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As soon as I saw your picture...I knew before I read your comments. I too understand as I have lived with this for a long time. Your picture speaks so much. Thankyou for being so honest with your comments. Message me if u need to. Take care.
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:] I'm glad you understand, but sorry that you lived with this too. One of the great things about art is that your ideas can reach out to other people, since many can relate. I'm glad you can relate to this, and thank you :]]]
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Hello Honey, I have looked at some of your pics and you are a wonderful artist!!! Well done and never stop expressing yoursself through your artwork. Yes, OCD is a hard thing to have.I have had it since I was 7yrs old. I am 42 now, and am keeping it somewhat under control as best I can. I have never taken meds for it thank goodness, although I know people who have to. I hope you are able to do the same for yourself.
Never stop doing what makes you happy!!! This is the key to life. You are blessed with an awesome talent, keep moving forward and you will find your ocd lessening. Keep in touch if you would like to and have a great day.
Regards,
Tracie
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thank you :] this was very sweet of you to leave me this happy and thoughtful message. I'll take your advice, and try to overcome my OCD one day at a time. Thanks again
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Your very welcome, I hope you had a beautiful Christmas and delightful New Years!
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