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jonzoiplu —
summer children, we were'
by-nc-nd
Published: 2007-01-18 03:27:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 6951; Favourites: 202; Downloads: 74
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Description
ii.we carved animals
from ivory castles
floating in the sun. we were
the doting spring mayflies
twisting upon meadows,
wreathing lilies between
toes, breathing --
iii.
between the sheets
of golden chaff,
she whispered, “let’s dance in the rain
on the cobblestone streets
before the singing rosebud
mutes her swollen gown.’
:
past the shivering
moon we snuck
with shadows tucked
into dreams. we were
waltzing toy soldiers,
our peace-broken holsters
licking the finger-drawn creases.
:
her humid words lingered
against my pallid cheeks.
iv.
over breakfast she spilled
her warm cherry wine
and the tablecloth sea bled.
‘hell hath no fury
for the dead,’ she wept,
‘look, love
it snows --
i.
strangers, we were
:
our lost nets crossed
over a butterfly. i caught
the swallowtail, she,
my heart
clumsily, we exchanged
names --
i, orpheus;
she, persephone
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Comments: 152
Your wonderful work has been featured here: [link]
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Hello,
You have been featured in the A,B,C's of Literature!
Please take a moment to view and 
Thank you
Sammie
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Hello
You have been featured in the A,B,C's of Literature: Christmas Special III which is a collection of literature and photography pieces which represent specific themes.
Please take a moment to look at the article and perhaps
Thank you for your beautiful work and have a lovely Christmas!
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Oh, my. I adore this. It's oozing heartbreaking, lovely whimsy and so much more between the lines. That Daily Deviation was well-deserved as could be. Many (belated) congratulations.
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featured here: [link] if you don't want it there i'll take it down. credit given of course. thanks
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Featured here:
[link]
If you don't wish to be featured please let me know.
Thank you!
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I loved the mythology tie-in at the end.
I must ask how you went about writing this. Did you plan out what you wanted to say, or did you just take an idea and run with it?
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i think i elaborated the answer in one of the comments above, but my little cousin was over for winter break and said something completely innocuous like 'look, it's snowing'. running with that simple phrase in the context of two characters not usually seen together (orpheus + persephone), i fiddled with the idea, changed the original meter/rhyme to 'free-verse' and manipulated the chronology, and ta-dah.
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omg this is so beautiful. i love poetry like this. my teachers always said poems that rhyme flow better, but i think this had an amazing flow. it reminds me of love. great job
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i like persephone - good cycle back to the scene of winter, and the memory of catching butterflies
other than i don't feel on the same par to be able to criticize or comment effectively
all in all, this is superb - thanks for a great read
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On the last line.. Did you mean Eurydice instead of Persephone? I know the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, and it seems consistent with that.. Of course, I may be ignorant and unaware of some greater meaning. Without knowing such a reason at this time, I do believe that Eurydice might fit more neatly into that space. My opinion, of course. It doesn't hinder the language at all the way it is, but that name stuck strangely into my mind.
Otherwise.. This is absolutely beautiful. : )
-Emily
P.S. Sorry if this posted twice?? It didn't appear to show up originally.
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each chunk represents a flow of chronology, the falling of seasons (starting with winter), stages, and so forth, weaving the story of a pair of lovers. at the end of iv. there is a sorrow ('hell (hades, which ties in with her identity) hath no fury for the dead. look, love it snows - summer children we were'
in regards to posting, it is weird. i can't see the original comment on the page itself. how odd.
and many thanks. ((:
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Well, that is true that Persephone fits better into the poem, but Eurydice is the one who romanced with Eurydice. I am skeptical of any other sort of relationship.. But if you meant Persephone, then Persephone it is.
Yeah, I dunno. The posting is strange.
Sure
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the myths were largely invented to express the human condition, aetiology, morality, etc. (to ovid, myth ain't gospel) i plopped this piece down in the similar spirit of syn-thesis. (:
it is. even when you put a quotation mark followed with a bracket, it leaves an emoticon.
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Just curious- on the last line.. Did you mean Eurydice instead of Persephone..? I know that Persephone allowed Orpheus to bring his bride, Eurydice, up from the underworld, but I'm not aware of a connection beyond that. I read what you commented to somebody else when they asked about the mythology.. But I think it would, perhaps, be sweeter if it was Eurydice. My opinion, of course. It really doesn't hinder the language, just sticks out in my mind and confuses me slightly.
Besides that, this is absolutely beautiful.
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O... I just got tangled up in the butterfly net
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how'd that happen?
i can maybe fit an arm... P;
(thanks!)
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this is amazing. really well thought-out and such great images!
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rhymes with soy!
thank you, sir.
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faves not being something you're lacking, i'm giving you one anyway.
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you're really, too kind.
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so i just re-read this masterpiece, and your words remind me of a song my ben kweller called "thirteen". kind of the same setup with the words? and not many complete sentences? i don't know. haha.
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this is beautiful
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wow! this is very pretty, atmospheric and vivid
I adore the imagery and the metaphors
this is captivating from start to finish
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you're sincerely welcome
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This is an amazing piece. The imagery is just wonderful.
Fantastic work. Just beautiful.
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Hi There!
You have just earned yourself an O.D.D. feature 
ODDS (oibyrd's daily deviations) are to honor the sometimes overlooked artists of dA that I personally think deserve some exposure (and ALSO, to show off people who I think are undeniably talented in their own genre of art, REGARDLESS of their #'s of fav's or pageviews. I like what I like and sometimes artwork isn't featured in the regular DDs because it's popular all on it's own It's a shame, but the admins are only trying to be fair! ). Please click the link below to see your work featured and to view other featured artists . If you prefer not to be a featured artist, just send me a note and I will remove you from the list. Cheers! xoxo Steff xoxo
[link]
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mayflies don't live long..this is good,&you are interesting
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hence the metaphor (;
thank you.
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i figured,very clever.you're welcome
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I missed your writing, especially. Ah, it's so - god damn beautiful, and reminds me of - the way poetry used to be, so elegant and - like a dance.
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