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Description

“I thought it was finally over. I thought I could move on with my life and learn from those dreadful mistakes… but I’m just not there yet.”

Location: The Wetlands

Season: Spring

Summary: Tirrithe spends the spring in a cycle of emotions following the disturbing sights she stumbled upon in Amberwood.

Shock, denial, shame, fear… they had been her only company for the weeks following that dreaded display of cruelty. She had seen the bodies; she had suffocated in the stench of blood and death before turning to flee. She had not laid the deceased to rest, nor bound their maws or given prayer. None of the sacred customs she had been taught were acted on, nor even thought of in the first few days. The wolf simply fled.

The dishonour of it all hit in the night. To leave the dead’s maw unbound was to leave it vulnerable to the evil uregar spirits, and most dangerous of all, the uregar known as Aldir. She had been too afraid to take action, too afraid to save those poor souls and enable their safe journeys to the afterlife. She had abandoned her own kind in their time of need.

The guilt gnawed away at her insides, worsening with every day she spent fleeing further and further from the dead.

Tirrithe felt the weight of her decisions sapping the energy from her very veins as she fought through reality.

Every day, she questioned how anyone could execute their fellow lupine kind. Fighting, she understood. Sometimes there was no other choice when one had to defend their home and loved ones—but murder? No one could ever rationalize such an act, not to her.

She thought back to the words of warning she’d received in her few seasons on this new land. The dangers others so generously cautioned her about, dangers she had refused to even consider to be legitimate. Maybe if she had believed them, she would have been more prepared for the grisly scene. Maybe then she wouldn’t have run like a coward and left them to rot… left their defenseless souls doomed. Souls that, should they not make it to the afterlife, would be forced to wander the lands, becoming more and more corrupt until they were no different than many of the uregar.

She didn’t eat; the sight and smell of blood or meat, even from the prey, made her far too nauseous. She barely slept; nightmares and flashbacks jolted her awake no matter how exhausted she was. She lost count of the days and lost her way through the unfamiliar trees, fearing every noise and shadow.

The beauty of the land was replaced with an uncertainty that singed the girl’s whiskers and filled her head with a cloud of black smoke. It coiled its tendrils around her lungs, created flickering movement in her peripheral that startled her away from ever feeling safe.

Chilly nights passed by in a haze. She would gaze up between the trees, searching the stars for some sort of answer, some sort of sign, only to blink and be met with dawn and a differing canopy of trees overhead. She wished for it to have all been a horrible dream, but that only blurred her sense of truth. She knew it had been real. Nothing had ever felt more real than the rush of terror that took over that winter’s day.

But Tir knew she had to keep moving forward, even if that meant shutting down. So that’s what she did. She dug a hole and buried all that she feared in the distant depths, until the world around her became cloaked in grey.

The vibrancy of spring was a heavy contrast to the cold, dark memories of that red-stained snow. The grey and gold wolf had stumbled into a vague familiarity, the place she’d heard to be called Galewind forest. It was the same place she had met the few friendly faces since striking out on her own.

Memories of those acquaintances broke down the feeble wall she had tried to so hastily build. She started to fear that one of those bodies could have been someone she’d met before. She hadn’t stuck around long enough to really get a proper look through the corpses, and with this new train of thought, the panic returned.

What if one of those dead had been kind-hearted Khatar? Or gentle Tallow? Or sweet Beth? Innocents simply trying to survive among the land?

She had tried to stay strong, tried to be tough, but the dread overwhelmed her and once more sent her running.

And like a blessing from the etia, she was found.

Amidst fleeing yet another nightmare, she had been discovered by Khatar. He was familiar, he was alive, and Tir hadn’t been able to hold back her wails of relief to see him up and breathing.

Khatar took her in, offered for her to accompany him in his travels alongside Tallow, and she had eagerly accepted.

The companionship did wonders for the young wolf, but it was not a simple cure for her fears as she had hoped.

Tirrithe had no choice but to adapt. The world was not as pure as her naïve mind had once believed.

With her new friends at her side, she slowly brightened back up, setting her focus on not only surviving, but living. They helped her smile again as days were filled with hunting, playing, pleasant conversation, and much needed camaraderie. She made it her goal to bring them as much light and happiness as she could, even while her own luminescence was at an all time low.

But even the brightest of smiles could not change what had happened, and she had reached a point where talking about it only brought back the looming clouds of emotion. As hard as she tried to be brave, she could not hide the distress when every night she was jolted awake with another nightmare. The more she tried to forget, the worse it became.

She began to slip away on what she claimed were solo hunts, despite rarely ever returning with a catch. She needed to get away, to come to terms with the foreign chaos spinning about in her head. Her greatest efforts fell short, as the fear was burrowed in her pelt like a bunch of fleas, and she could no longer ignore the itch. Something had to change.

Tirrithe sat alone one afternoon, staring off across the green waters of the swamp. She thought about her old pack, wondering if all the optimistic days believing Relrahi was alive were just a childish way of denying the truth. She wondered if Khatar and Tallow thought her a fool to have once been so ignorant. She sat there, caught in the crossfire of her own making until it all welled up and she began to cry for the first time since Khatar had found her.

And… it helped. She cried and cried, letting everything out until the crushing weight on her shoulders started to lessen bit by bit.

When the tears finally ceased, she understood so much more. She could not live in ignorance. What she had seen would not just go away if she didn’t acknowledge it. And while she was not ready to remember that day, nor did she know if she would ever be ready, she knew she had to let herself feel. She couldn’t hide it away behind a forced smile, and that was okay. She had friends she could trust, friends who made her feel safe, and even if sometimes it hurt, she would be okay.

It would just take time.

Word count: 1226

Not my best writing by far. I had a hard time getting this done, but I have to keep reminding myself "finished, not perfect".

If you or anyone you know is struggling with traumatic stress, or you simply want to learn more about it, I encourage you to check out the resources below <3

Roadmap After Trauma: Six Stages to Trauma Integration

Traumatic Stress - HelpGuide.org

Coping with Emotional and Psychological Trauma

Looking for some mental health resources, but having troubles? See if you can find what you need with the Global Mental Health Resources

site I stumbled across, which includes links to sites that offer help worldwide.

Stay safe <3

art/Tirrithe (c)

+1 Crystal (bust and bg illustration)

+2 Crystals (short story with 1000+ words)

= 3 Crystals earned

Description

“I thought it was finally over. I thought I could move on with my life and learn from those dreadful mistakes… but I’m just not there yet.”

Location: The Wetlands

Season: Spring

Summary: Tirrithe spends the spring in a cycle of emotions following the disturbing sights she stumbled upon in Amberwood.

Shock, denial, shame, fear… they had been her only company for the weeks following that dreaded display of cruelty. She had seen the bodies; she had suffocated in the stench of blood and death before turning to flee. She had not laid the deceased to rest, nor bound their maws or given prayer. None of the sacred customs she had been taught were acted on, nor even thought of in the first few days. The wolf simply fled.

The dishonour of it all hit in the night. To leave the dead’s maw unbound was to leave it vulnerable to the evil uregar spirits, and most dangerous of all, the uregar known as Aldir. She had been too afraid to take action, too afraid to save those poor souls and enable their safe journeys to the afterlife. She had abandoned her own kind in their time of need.

The guilt gnawed away at her insides, worsening with every day she spent fleeing further and further from the dead.

Tirrithe felt the weight of her decisions sapping the energy from her very veins as she fought through reality.

Every day, she questioned how anyone could execute their fellow lupine kind. Fighting, she understood. Sometimes there was no other choice when one had to defend their home and loved ones—but murder? No one could ever rationalize such an act, not to her.

She thought back to the words of warning she’d received in her few seasons on this new land. The dangers others so generously cautioned her about, dangers she had refused to even consider to be legitimate. Maybe if she had believed them, she would have been more prepared for the grisly scene. Maybe then she wouldn’t have run like a coward and left them to rot… left their defenseless souls doomed. Souls that, should they not make it to the afterlife, would be forced to wander the lands, becoming more and more corrupt until they were no different than many of the uregar.

She didn’t eat; the sight and smell of blood or meat, even from the prey, made her far too nauseous. She barely slept; nightmares and flashbacks jolted her awake no matter how exhausted she was. She lost count of the days and lost her way through the unfamiliar trees, fearing every noise and shadow.

The beauty of the land was replaced with an uncertainty that singed the girl’s whiskers and filled her head with a cloud of black smoke. It coiled its tendrils around her lungs, created flickering movement in her peripheral that startled her away from ever feeling safe.

Chilly nights passed by in a haze. She would gaze up between the trees, searching the stars for some sort of answer, some sort of sign, only to blink and be met with dawn and a differing canopy of trees overhead. She wished for it to have all been a horrible dream, but that only blurred her sense of truth. She knew it had been real. Nothing had ever felt more real than the rush of terror that took over that winter’s day.

But Tir knew she had to keep moving forward, even if that meant shutting down. So that’s what she did. She dug a hole and buried all that she feared in the distant depths, until the world around her became cloaked in grey.

The vibrancy of spring was a heavy contrast to the cold, dark memories of that red-stained snow. The grey and gold wolf had stumbled into a vague familiarity, the place she’d heard to be called Galewind forest. It was the same place she had met the few friendly faces since striking out on her own.

Memories of those acquaintances broke down the feeble wall she had tried to so hastily build. She started to fear that one of those bodies could have been someone she’d met before. She hadn’t stuck around long enough to really get a proper look through the corpses, and with this new train of thought, the panic returned.

What if one of those dead had been kind-hearted Khatar? Or gentle Tallow? Or sweet Beth? Innocents simply trying to survive among the land?

She had tried to stay strong, tried to be tough, but the dread overwhelmed her and once more sent her running.

And like a blessing from the etia, she was found.

Amidst fleeing yet another nightmare, she had been discovered by Khatar. He was familiar, he was alive, and Tir hadn’t been able to hold back her wails of relief to see him up and breathing.

Khatar took her in, offered for her to accompany him in his travels alongside Tallow, and she had eagerly accepted.

The companionship did wonders for the young wolf, but it was not a simple cure for her fears as she had hoped.

Tirrithe had no choice but to adapt. The world was not as pure as her naïve mind had once believed.

With her new friends at her side, she slowly brightened back up, setting her focus on not only surviving, but living. They helped her smile again as days were filled with hunting, playing, pleasant conversation, and much needed camaraderie. She made it her goal to bring them as much light and happiness as she could, even while her own luminescence was at an all time low.

But even the brightest of smiles could not change what had happened, and she had reached a point where talking about it only brought back the looming clouds of emotion. As hard as she tried to be brave, she could not hide the distress when every night she was jolted awake with another nightmare. The more she tried to forget, the worse it became.

She began to slip away on what she claimed were solo hunts, despite rarely ever returning with a catch. She needed to get away, to come to terms with the foreign chaos spinning about in her head. Her greatest efforts fell short, as the fear was burrowed in her pelt like a bunch of fleas, and she could no longer ignore the itch. Something had to change.

Tirrithe sat alone one afternoon, staring off across the green waters of the swamp. She thought about her old pack, wondering if all the optimistic days believing Relrahi was alive were just a childish way of denying the truth. She wondered if Khatar and Tallow thought her a fool to have once been so ignorant. She sat there, caught in the crossfire of her own making until it all welled up and she began to cry for the first time since Khatar had found her.

And… it helped. She cried and cried, letting everything out until the crushing weight on her shoulders started to lessen bit by bit.

When the tears finally ceased, she understood so much more. She could not live in ignorance. What she had seen would not just go away if she didn’t acknowledge it. And while she was not ready to remember that day, nor did she know if she would ever be ready, she knew she had to let herself feel. She couldn’t hide it away behind a forced smile, and that was okay. She had friends she could trust, friends who made her feel safe, and even if sometimes it hurt, she would be okay.

It would just take time.

Word count: 1226

Not my best writing by far. I had a hard time getting this done, but I have to keep reminding myself "finished, not perfect".

If you or anyone you know is struggling with traumatic stress, or you simply want to learn more about it, I encourage you to check out the resources below <3

Roadmap After Trauma: Six Stages to Trauma Integration

Traumatic Stress - HelpGuide.org

Coping with Emotional and Psychological Trauma

Looking for some mental health resources, but having troubles? See if you can find what you need with the Global Mental Health Resources

site I stumbled across, which includes links to sites that offer help worldwide.

Stay safe <3

art/Tirrithe (c)

+1 Crystal (bust and bg illustration)

+2 Crystals (short story with 1000+ words)

= 3 Crystals earned