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KarmaGhost — Backlit
Published: 2009-05-30 04:01:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 81; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description In the nervous light of dawn,
the memory flickers just like the final star.

It is the first star I saw at dusk,
but it hovers over the gentle photons
dancing through morning dew,
and it’s like the dream that slips
like a key into a lock—

Or out of it, the vision forever
planted behind a door I cannot open,
but I could tell you of its remnants:
the smells that seep through the
seams in the doorjamb,
the sounds lingering through the walls
and conducted to me in muffled
huffs of breath that scream
of the fading joy—

Slowly disappearing in the morning light,
downstage left, the scrim is not backlit
and I turn to face the empty night.

For this morning is an audience,
and I have not prepared a monologue
or parlor tricks to entertain,
only this that I grant the stage:
my feet are heavy falling,
but light moving, as I dance in drunkenness;

Could I speak to you of the light
utting through the narrow cracks
twixt my blinds, bleeding ‘round the edges
of my curtain, the silhouette of a window
to the outside world.

But if I open it,
they would also see in,
and the darkness is so much friendlier,
the silence is so much warmer,
unless you open the door
and replace it all
with body heat.
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Comments: 5

ottersandsky [2009-06-04 08:41:53 +0000 UTC]

In the nervous light of dawn,
the memory flickers just like the final star.

Definitely reminds me of Eliot's Hollow Men. Was that intentional?

and it’s like the dream that slips
like a key into a lock—

I like that. Maybe you should remove "like" in the second line though, just because it's in the previous line as well? I think it would flow better.

I like the close. It's gentle.

I like what this poem makes me think of - enjoying a sort of insular darkness favoured over the cold light of day. Feeling like hiding away.

Not garbage. Just warming up.

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KarmaGhost In reply to ottersandsky [2009-06-04 23:50:55 +0000 UTC]

:rant: Haha, no, not intentional at all. I actually hate "The Hollow Men" (which is connected to Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness). I think Eliot had an unfortunate worldview, unveiled in--what else?--"The Wasteland." Namely, he basked in the brokenness of the world without the hope of its redemption. The close to "The Hollow Men" (and indeed, its opening) illustrates this so well. The opening casts Mister Kurtz, the mad colonial who descended into savagery and self-made godhood in the Belgian Congo, as Guy Fawkes--"a penny for the old guy"--of course, by the same token, it makes the penny the worth of his life. Fawkes and Kurtz both died, but both were rebels against an otherwise utopian ideal. Then at the end, the repeat of "Thine is the Kingdom" pulls us into the world ending "with a whimper"--and there is no completion to the Lord's Prayer he is quoting, no hope for forever and ever, no trust in the Power or the Glory, merely in the Kingdom... [/rant]

Whereas you're right that this poem is about enjoying an insular darkness, it also welcomes the gentle hope in the end for "body heat", replacing my solitude with the intimacy of another--something Eliot was a little too down to see. Actually, when I first read "The Hollow Men", I joked with a friend that it was before its time. Eliot would have made a great 21st century gothy high school kid!

I have a hard time with repeating words in this piece, and perhaps the "like" in the part you quoted is one of them, but I do not think so. This is primarily due to the imagery of a key slipping into a lock, and all that entails--not that it turns in the lock, not that it opens the door, only that the key fits.

Thanks for the thoughts...and yeah, it is warming up. It felt really good to get this out of my system.

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ottersandsky In reply to KarmaGhost [2009-06-05 11:39:40 +0000 UTC]

It's interesting that you say that... we've been studying both "The Wasteland" and "The Hollow Men" in English class, so I'm aware of the Heart of Darkness connections and the symbolism in that epitaph. Those poems ARE extremely bleak and contain a pretty hopeless and despondent worldview, I think it's important (at least it helped me) to remember that Eliot didn't maintain this viewpoint for the rest of his life but he found faith and became an Anglican minister. He wrote much more hope-infused material then. I found both of the aforementioned poems to be very depressing but wonderfully written and laden with such clever allusions, and I think that's partly because I had that knowledge that he didn't die with this outlook. It reassures me, I guess. But I can understand your feelings about those poems. That trailing off of the Lord's Prayer is definitely very affecting... I guess as a Christian I find it more so, because it's such a powerful statement.

Aw, come on, the winner of the 1948 Nobel Prize in Literature was merely an angsty pessimist? I have to disagree.

You're most welcome.

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KarmaGhost In reply to ottersandsky [2009-06-05 16:28:38 +0000 UTC]

I wrote like a three paragraph response about why Eliot is lame, but then I decided getting into a debate on his merits really wasn't the function of the comment system.

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ottersandsky In reply to KarmaGhost [2009-06-05 22:54:05 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad.

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