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KittykatMWuster — Dreams
Published: 2012-04-12 00:03:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 321; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 2
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Description
When the velvet blossoms waverIn the silver sunset breeze,
Do not fear the lack of light;
At least you'll still have me.
Rub the satin petals,
And just wish upon the leaves;
I'll send the hope into the heavens
Afloat on silken wings.
When the snowy span of moonlight
Fans across the foaming seas,
Stretch your hand into the mist
And touch the tranquil peace.
I'll bring you two large handfuls
Of seashells, piece by piece;
May your memories of happiness
Remain eternal, never cease.
When the crescent sways intriguingly
Up in the foggy sky,
Wander in the emerald fields
And ponder how to fly.
I'll lift you up to pluck the stars;
Caress them in the night,
For the whirls of lightly gleaming clouds
Make such a wondrous sight.
But when the golden light seeps through
And taints the indigo scene,
I'll disappear, so open your eyes;
I'm nowhere to be seen.
Remember the wish I delivered for you
Aloft the silken wings?
Perhaps you should've wished instead
That this was more than just a dream.
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Comments: 11
Loved it. This is the type of poem I'd expect to find in old, musty books, countless fingerprints along the edges, read with love.
POSITIVE: The imagery was amazing. Perfection. I can see the angelic girl, smiling and skipping along the shore, flawless seashells in each hand. I can see her, waving with a sad smile, as the person slips out of the dream, and back to reality. I can see it, I can almost touch it. And it's beautiful.
NEGATIVE: ...To be honest, there's almost nothing I can see, that I would change. If I had to choose anything, I'd change one word in the second stanza;
Fans across the foaming seas,
Stretch your hand into the mist
And touch the tranquil breeze.
I don't know, breeze seems to rhyme better with seas. Other than that, I honestly couldn't say.
OVERALL: Perfection, and nothing else.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you! ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You are very welcome
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is really nice, i like the vision you paint with this
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
