Comments: 31
Twisted-Desire [2012-07-23 09:08:51 +0000 UTC]
Did you draw the cover of the story? The little icon at the top?
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Pixelsnaxs [2011-08-21 23:38:38 +0000 UTC]
aww! cute! it looks so perfect in my mind. i wish i could draw the pictures i see. -,- sooo awesome!
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chess123mate [2010-01-29 00:33:35 +0000 UTC]
Just found + read all 4 parts of this story - I love it!
If you were to publish it some day, I think it'll need some re-ordering of the introduction and expansion on some of the details, emotions, etc.
Ex. In parts 1-3, it seems to be like most of it should be in a prologue, while some should be a "flash back" (or a discussion of the past). Of course, that might be summarizing too much (I don't know how much plot you have planned). I just think that if, after a brief introduction (hiding some details to the reader for suspense), the main part of the story could start on section 4.
Anyway, it's fine to read online the way it is
If you were to expand on it someday, I would suggest adding more detail to going to the concert - things like, did Seth enjoy himself? How much? What was his emotional state? Did he have some sort of emotional struggle from the noise and crowd, or was he as fine as everyone else [which, seeing as he's needing to go "camping" each week, I would doubt]?
It was a great joy reading this and I look forward to future segments!
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lazywolf In reply to chess123mate [2010-01-29 10:09:54 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
You know, I was actually thinking converting the first 3 chapters into an introduction as well. I ended up not because I'd already posted the chapters this way and didn't want to delete the deviations to start over. If I were to publish someday, you're right; I'd probably need to change that.
Also, you're right about needing to expand the details and emotions; I've tried to improve but that's something I'm still struggling with.
I'm working on part 5 right now (which is almost done), and so far the proofreading consensus is that it really helps in solidifying and strengthening the story. I hope it does!
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OldMidnight [2010-01-08 11:39:26 +0000 UTC]
The story's shaping up well so far... a most enjoyable read.
I have noticed a couple of things though. There's a typo in the first paragraph of part one - in the phrase "someone who's spends almost as much time as an animal" it should be "who", not "who's".
The other oddity I noticed is that Seth's father reminisces, in part two, of when his family first got a computer and he noticed his brother on a chat program. I haven't noticed anything to dissuade me that this is a contemporary setting, which would mean that Seth, who is at least 18, would have been born about 1992 at the latest. This would also have to have been at least a few years after the family got their first computer, and chat programs really weren't mainstream until the 1990s. (They certainly weren't normal here, but we were also a fair bit behind America in technology). Back then, home users would have been much more likely to use bulletin boards, which worked a bit more like modern message boards than IRC or messenger programs.
Hope this isn't being too nit-picky... I normally check that things are OK before proof-reading things but have had serious computer difficulties lately and am liable to disappear for extended periods.
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artmonso [2010-01-08 05:07:18 +0000 UTC]
do you got any tips to writeing story and stoping writers block
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lazywolf In reply to artmonso [2010-01-09 03:17:59 +0000 UTC]
I have writer's block all the time. All I can say is don't try to force yourself, take breaks when you don't feel like writing anymore, and maybe doing some free writing (not worrying so much about punctuation, grammar, etc. and just putting down your ideas on paper).
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artmonso In reply to lazywolf [2010-01-09 07:23:10 +0000 UTC]
ty for the tips and the reply
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jmillart [2010-01-04 23:30:31 +0000 UTC]
THE WATE IS OVER! I like it so far. Your writing has improved since you edited the story. It's easy to visualize and flows well.
I don't blame him for going to that concert (though it would have been smarter to appease the "wolf in him" first I think), I'd trade a lot to be a werewolf but I would still want to have a little human fun every now and then.
And now to part five...
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lazywolf In reply to jmillart [2010-01-05 05:23:15 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you noticed the improvement! It's taken forever to get things taken care of thus far, and hopefully upcoming chapters will be more fluid and take less editing later.
Seth enjoys doing human things but hadn't done a lot besides school for the last while. He realized he was missing out and decided to go for it, even though he'd already planned to hunt during that time.
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jmillart In reply to lazywolf [2010-01-05 14:43:48 +0000 UTC]
It's a good thing he still went hunting I think. And now he met another werewolf.
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Caiusthewicked [2010-01-04 21:56:43 +0000 UTC]
the story is great i love it ^_^ great job you make really good stories so alive and imaginative.
its so easy to immagine all the scenes like drinking water its really great ^_^
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Sharpe19 [2010-01-04 19:45:46 +0000 UTC]
Aw! Seth found 'imself another pup! Seriously dude, publish this! It's turning out really awesome.
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lazywolf In reply to Sharpe19 [2010-01-05 04:51:34 +0000 UTC]
Glad you like it! Doubt it will ever be published, but who knows? Maybe at the end of it all, if people still have interest, I'll see how that plays out.
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Sharpe19 In reply to lazywolf [2010-01-05 05:23:34 +0000 UTC]
I think you'll get plenty of attention for it. It's a great story.
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lazywolf In reply to sugarpoultry [2010-01-05 04:54:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I got your email saying you thought I was a great writer, and that really means a lot to me!
As for those grammatical errors, feel free to let me know about those when (if?) you have a free moment.
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