Comments: 30
chess123mate [2010-02-10 01:42:56 +0000 UTC]
Love it!
Beautiful writing!
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OldMidnight [2010-02-06 09:43:32 +0000 UTC]
Story's looking very good so far. Don't worry about how long it's taking you to write it... writing anything decent tends to take a long time.
"someone named Alan Alda"... I'll just sit here and feel very old...
Only thing I want to mention this time is that it's normally not "the done thing" to name actual well-known living people in a novel unless they're just part of the scenery... For example, having Jay Leno playing on TV in the background would be OK to mention, but outing Jay Leno as a werewolf wouldn't be... polite, basically. Sometimes the way around that is not to name actual names... for instance, in a recent episode of Doctor Who, the Doctor picks up a magazine (it's not obvious what magazine it is, just that it's some sort of gossip magazine and mentions, off-handedly, something like "It'll never work out. He's gay and she's an alien." The scriptwriters get away with that because you don't actually know who is being outed as an alien.
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OldMidnight In reply to lazywolf [2010-02-07 06:14:04 +0000 UTC]
Yeah... When I'm looking at something like this I always assume that it's intended for eventual publication. There's very little that's not publishable now that there's self-publishing print-on-demand options available, but still I'd like to see any writing as good as it's possible to be. Your story isn't perfect, but it's got a lot of potential... Main thing is to finish the story, then spend some time making it better once you've got the framework sorted out. Doing like you've done - making "fix-it" notes and then just getting on with the story - I think is the best way to do it (it's one of the useful things I learned from doing nanowrimo).
As for the real people... particularly when ascribing superhuman abilities to athletes, it could be taken as an accusation of cheating (even though I know you meant nothing of the sort). You probably wouldn't raise too many eyebrows mentioning fictional or dead people (e.g. Jack Lovelock) but it's probably just common courtesy to leave the living alone.
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lazywolf In reply to W-Lupus [2010-02-06 20:36:22 +0000 UTC]
Thanks!
You're right, there were a few sentences I was trying to shorten but couldn't do it effectively. Could you point out any specific ones so I can try to rework them again?
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W-Lupus In reply to lazywolf [2010-02-06 21:16:35 +0000 UTC]
yeh sure , i'll note them 2 you
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Jacques-Chat [2010-02-06 08:43:34 +0000 UTC]
It was great!
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PizzaWolf [2010-02-06 08:37:02 +0000 UTC]
i wouldnt worry about the kissy scene at all...it was actually really well written.
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lazywolf In reply to PizzaWolf [2010-02-06 20:36:50 +0000 UTC]
Thank you; that's good to know!
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jmillart [2010-02-06 03:40:17 +0000 UTC]
Nice! Four left feet for sure!
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jmillart In reply to lazywolf [2010-02-06 16:51:38 +0000 UTC]
You built a good sean just for one line! Just as long as he waits until he's an HRM to do anything more!
Writing is FUN! FUN! FUN! And then...
WRITERS BLOCK I need to start writing again soon.
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lazywolf In reply to jmillart [2010-02-06 20:47:10 +0000 UTC]
Well, this next chapter is where things really start to go downhill for our furry heroes. I know it was way back in like... part 3 where I foreshadowed the bad things to come, but that was way too premature. Well, in part 6 that's definitely happening. Not to give anything away, but Seth might not get far enough to be an RM...
I love that plz icon by the way! I'm going to have to use it now. I have writer's block a lot as well; not fun.
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jmillart In reply to lazywolf [2010-02-07 03:34:56 +0000 UTC]
OOH FUN! I guess I'll just have to wait and see what you do in the next chapter!
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Sharpe19 [2010-02-06 03:28:49 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow!!!8D Hun this is awesome!!! Talk about suspense! Go Seth!
Instant love. Dang it, Publish this will ya? This is just too good!
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