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LipWriting β Untitled- The Days
Published: 2006-12-22 00:38:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 548; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
I'm unsure about the last stanza of this peice.Yeah so, this is written about some of my childhood expiriances that were spent in the country of Japan.
Enjoy, I suppose.
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Comments: 15
alanna. i love this, last stanza and everything.
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:3 Aww...yay Hannah. Thank you so much.
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Wow...fantastic work....
This peice has a flow which contradicts itself in so far as it works and doesn't work at the same time....But I love it.
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Aw. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the favorite as well! :3
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I really really.
really.
really.
like this.
A lot. It's so... so... japan.
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Yayshe. Japanese it is.
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Japan???omg....thats uber-cool. Love the poem ^_^.
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bubble-wrapped days I love it!
Finally ~bittersweet-insanity and I agree. The last stanza is by far my favorite. Your tone in the first two quite strong, but befitting of the subject.
Saki-drunk
boys whose hands
slide into
each otherβs pockets
Hmm. I wonder...
Love.
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The last stanza was actually the one I was most unsure of. Iiinteresting.
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I think it catches me because of the alliteration provided by your repetitive use of the 'th' sound.
These days
were of the most naive
they are the memories
wiped out in the move
they are the bubble-wrapped
days
the alcohol mixed with God
days
The days we only see once
But, I like it. Alot. It gives the whole poem the childish feeling, like a story book. I guess that's the only way I know how to explain it. That'll have to suffice.
Love.
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:3 Glad you liked it at all.
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I don't know quite what to say about it. Your images are so abrupt and clear. It's a good thing.
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Ah. I see. I'm not sure what to say either...
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