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I don't really vent much on art platforms... mostly because I know the people who follow me are here for my art, not for my feelings, and that's totally okay.
But I can't just vent this thing on Facebook where too many of the examples of this vent happen to be. No, I'd rather vent it to strangers who aren't going to yell at me for it later.
But here's what's been weighing me down for quite some time... I see too many goddamn people who want others to make them feel better.
People want validation from others, people constantly post that "People with X-illness like me just need someone who's going to constantly tell them they're wonderful, needed, loved, etc."
But do any of those people ever actually reciprocate it or do that for other people? Hardly. HARDLY. And unfortunately, that means the person doing it for them has to do a LOT of work that usually doesn't have an end point.
Being the one thing that stands between someone's sanity and total mental breakdown is a massive burden on that person who probably isn't a full-time psychologist and doesn't have the expertise to keep someone else grounded all the time.
I don't want those people to feel like a burden, I truly don't, but at the same time... no friend, lover, hell, not even someone's spouse can be constantly responsible for another person's mental stability.
That's not their job! Sometimes these people wind up feeling obligated because they care about their ill friend, so they do everything they can, and it's often never enough because the person they're caring for still constantly feels unwanted, unloved, and unnecessary to anyone. I'm not saying they're not allowed to feel that way, that's why it's an illness because they can't really help it. But for goodness sake, it isn't their friends' jobs to always be their rock. Especially not when, in the end, it doesn't even work, and that person still continues to not feel how their friends have tried so hard to make them feel.
If someone's ill, they need proper, professional treatment. Friends, family, and spouses are not professionals, they're not medication, and by putting them in that position... they may eventually end up ill themselves.
I'm saying this from experience. I don't even feel like I can come forth and say I'd like someone to tell me I'm great and that I'm loved and that I'm wanted because everyone else around me is constantly begging for that on every platform they can think of where it'll reach multiple people. There's technically nothing wrong with occasionally seeking some attention and validation. I think everyone needs that sometimes. But when no amount of attention or validation is able to make someone feel how they want to feel, then that's when it's time to seek the help of a professional.
I'm saying this because... I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm drained. I'm going through a lot, and I don't feel like I have any medium to voice it because everyone I know is depressed or anxious or suffering and constantly seeking others' attention, love, and non-stop support for it that I'd have no place in joining them. I'd just be one other person adding to the SEVERE imbalance of people who want to be cared for but don't give that care to anyone else who might need it. And I'm pretty sure I'm getting to a point myself where professional help is going to be all I have.
So, I guess if I want anyone to take anything from this... it's that the "strong" friend, the one shouldering and mommying probably twenty other people who want to be taken care of, needs some fucking support, too. They can't do it all. They may try to because they care about someone, because they want to be supportive, and because everyone around them is suffering, but guess what? They're probably suffering, too. Much more internally where none of their friends can see it because, oh, they're always just "so strong", so clearly they can push through anything, right? WRONG. The strong, mothering friend needs some validation, too. They need to know that everything they're doing is actually making a difference, and that there's eventually going to be an end point to all the work they do and the support they give. People can drain other people, sometimes it's very quickly, resulting in them no longer wanting to hear from their problem friends. Sometimes it's very slow... and very numbing. Until such time that the strong friend no longer can be strong. Everyone's foundation is only so sturdy before enough battering, weathering, and strain eventually breaks it.
I feel like I'm at a breaking point, and yet for all that I've tried to do, I'm not even sure that any of it mended anything. If I crumble, the last thing I'll know is that I tried so goddamn hard but didn't even make a difference, and the thing that broke me is just going to continue to crumble other strong foundations in their whirlwind of needs that can't ever really be subsided by the means of their peers. I can't do this... I'm just me. I'm just one person. And what've I accomplished? I don't even know. Did I make my friends' lives any better? Did any of them heal even a little because of me? I don't know, and most of the time, it definitely doesn't seem like it.
And then some of them have the nerve to call me insensitive. After everything I've tried to do. I can only try to fix so many broken people at a time, and I'm not an emotional mechanic. I don't know what I'm doing, I can only attempt, so when people come trying to tell me what's wrong, and I start to shut down... it's because nothing I've ever said for people in the same situation as what I'm currently listening to ever actually made a difference to them. Sure, it helps in the moment sometimes, but they go right back to needing it again within a few days. I feel like a broken record, like a dying battery.

I just can't do it anymore.