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makusa-san — Love poem
Published: 2009-12-12 07:39:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 236; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description With more warmth than a dozen suns
Came our gentle embrace,
Filling me with air, with life,
As if I'd surfaced from the sea!
And finding you with your arms,
Wrapped around me so tight,
And with more beauty than a still night;
With bright eyes, prettier than the mysterious moon,
Fixed upon mine,
I smiled.

"I love you" she softly whispered,
And dreamily we slowly moved
Towards one another
And once all that was around us vanished into a mist
The clocks quit ticking, and we kissed.

The sensation seemed perpetual,
Just a small velvet tingle, indicative
Of a passing of infinite love
Through a physical vestibule;
Our soft lips.

Connected, we would express more through silence
Than our words ever could.
We spoke of love
With such truth and honesty:
How dearly I cared for you,
And you for me,
And suddenly I understood.

As reality adopted a translucient nature,
I glimpsed you and I from afar
In all brevity, atop a marble pillar
In the soup of the distant cosmos.
And in that instant discontentment ceased
All fears were erased,
An axiom unveiled.
I was finally assured, love was mirrored
Between us flawlessly,
Alms cherished and smiles adored.


By Max Kaskamanidis
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Comments: 5

Kwinra [2009-12-14 14:17:03 +0000 UTC]

Good work. I like how you don't try to over-metaphor it.

If you're looking for criticism, the only thing that I can suggest is to shorten it a little. It's very well written, but its message or narrative doesn't change much throughout the course, so maybe some parts aren't entirely necessary.

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makusa-san In reply to Kwinra [2009-12-15 09:33:11 +0000 UTC]

That's what I was thinking. Thanks mate

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beatricemichelle [2009-12-12 14:28:28 +0000 UTC]

Woooooooooooooooow...
You seriously own some ass , dude.

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makusa-san In reply to beatricemichelle [2009-12-13 07:43:54 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou muchly

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beatricemichelle In reply to makusa-san [2009-12-13 14:01:01 +0000 UTC]

You are mostly welcome ~

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