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Description
This was kind of a music drawing, sort of? The concept for the drawing came into my mind while listening to Audioslave's Like a Stone. I don't know if it'll come as a surprise but I probably have like a moderate case of depression. I have for years. Don't know for certain because I don't want to inconvenience people with my problems by going to someone to find out for sure or not. But I know the signs when I'm going into what I term a fit and know how to handle it (which is basically I'm not allowed to listen to anything I say I should do while in a fit). And it never gets so bad that I'd want to off myself, just that I'd rather not be alive.

And there's always this little voice in the back of my mind that wants to obsess over how much of a failure I am, on how I'll never accomplish what I have set out to do and showcase every single undeniable fact that would support that argument. I am the eternal outsider. I'm not good enough to belong anywhere. Not good enough to have friends; I don't deserve them. That no one actually ever cares about me at all, they only tolerate me and only show compassion because it'd make them feel bad if they saw me hurting and not try to help. So I'm not allowed to show how I really feel because that would make me even more of a burden.

All that stuff. And with all of that kind of rhetoric going through the back of my mind I have to keep going anyway. For I have all of two options, I can let it consume me or I can keep pushing on, keep striving for things I do not think I can ever reach. To put on a face of being happy and carefree all the while stressing out that maybe that voice in the back of my mind is correct. But I'm not allowed to show all these thoughts threatening to overwhelm me at times because then people would worry and I'd be dragging them down with me.

As for the image itself I actually really like how it turned out. My only real complaint is that I really wish that some of the tools worked like they were supposed to. Like I don't like the banding on the tail and neck but on photoshop I can't get the blur tool to do literally anything at all ever and the smudge tool, no matter what settings I put it on, has an all-or-nothing effect. Ah well. Still really like it and I could have just used a few more steps of gradient blur filter on that section then smudge it around a bit more. But I'm still happy with the image. If anything I would have wanted to play around a bit more with the blending of the two images with the background. Total drawing time was 2.5 hours sketch, 3.5 hours color for a total time of 6 hours.

Description
This was kind of a music drawing, sort of? The concept for the drawing came into my mind while listening to Audioslave's Like a Stone. I don't know if it'll come as a surprise but I probably have like a moderate case of depression. I have for years. Don't know for certain because I don't want to inconvenience people with my problems by going to someone to find out for sure or not. But I know the signs when I'm going into what I term a fit and know how to handle it (which is basically I'm not allowed to listen to anything I say I should do while in a fit). And it never gets so bad that I'd want to off myself, just that I'd rather not be alive.

And there's always this little voice in the back of my mind that wants to obsess over how much of a failure I am, on how I'll never accomplish what I have set out to do and showcase every single undeniable fact that would support that argument. I am the eternal outsider. I'm not good enough to belong anywhere. Not good enough to have friends; I don't deserve them. That no one actually ever cares about me at all, they only tolerate me and only show compassion because it'd make them feel bad if they saw me hurting and not try to help. So I'm not allowed to show how I really feel because that would make me even more of a burden.

All that stuff. And with all of that kind of rhetoric going through the back of my mind I have to keep going anyway. For I have all of two options, I can let it consume me or I can keep pushing on, keep striving for things I do not think I can ever reach. To put on a face of being happy and carefree all the while stressing out that maybe that voice in the back of my mind is correct. But I'm not allowed to show all these thoughts threatening to overwhelm me at times because then people would worry and I'd be dragging them down with me.

As for the image itself I actually really like how it turned out. My only real complaint is that I really wish that some of the tools worked like they were supposed to. Like I don't like the banding on the tail and neck but on photoshop I can't get the blur tool to do literally anything at all ever and the smudge tool, no matter what settings I put it on, has an all-or-nothing effect. Ah well. Still really like it and I could have just used a few more steps of gradient blur filter on that section then smudge it around a bit more. But I'm still happy with the image. If anything I would have wanted to play around a bit more with the blending of the two images with the background. Total drawing time was 2.5 hours sketch, 3.5 hours color for a total time of 6 hours.