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WHEN THEY'RE YOUR OWN!

Yeah.. I'm sure they are.. But for now.. They're all alien to me. Dribbly, noisy aliens.

Now, there are some exceptionally CUTE babies, don't get me wrong.. but seriously? They're all the same to me. And fuggin gross.. All so helpless that it makes my independent nature wanna find the nearest skyscraper to nosedive from.. You could have the Crowned Cute Baby of Cute sitting in my lap and I'd still looked the same as it's million of counterparts born to this world each day.
And babies? They don't like me.. Nope. I try to like them.. I try to get my little maternal side all warmed up like a car sitting in below freezing temperature on a work-day.. But it just doesn't happen. The thing usually cries or farts on me..
And baby smell? What the hell's up with that??! Smells like poop, powder, and MORE POOP.
By now, I've learned enough to warn people in a joking manner "Oh, babies just don't like me! I don't have to hold it!"
And they shove it in my arms..

I once held a co-workers newborn son in my arms.. and, while trying to take a picture on my phone, I dropped my phone smack-dab in the middle of his face.. prompting him to cry..

See? Dangerous.

Mom, dad.. you're gonna have furry grandchildren.

Description
WHEN THEY'RE YOUR OWN!

Yeah.. I'm sure they are.. But for now.. They're all alien to me. Dribbly, noisy aliens.

Now, there are some exceptionally CUTE babies, don't get me wrong.. but seriously? They're all the same to me. And fuggin gross.. All so helpless that it makes my independent nature wanna find the nearest skyscraper to nosedive from.. You could have the Crowned Cute Baby of Cute sitting in my lap and I'd still looked the same as it's million of counterparts born to this world each day.
And babies? They don't like me.. Nope. I try to like them.. I try to get my little maternal side all warmed up like a car sitting in below freezing temperature on a work-day.. But it just doesn't happen. The thing usually cries or farts on me..
And baby smell? What the hell's up with that??! Smells like poop, powder, and MORE POOP.
By now, I've learned enough to warn people in a joking manner "Oh, babies just don't like me! I don't have to hold it!"
And they shove it in my arms..

I once held a co-workers newborn son in my arms.. and, while trying to take a picture on my phone, I dropped my phone smack-dab in the middle of his face.. prompting him to cry..

See? Dangerous.

Mom, dad.. you're gonna have furry grandchildren.