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Moominaba — Snowy Peak
Published: 2006-04-19 09:38:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 46; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
He came down from the mountainOn the sixth day of the week
Traveling through time and space
Far from his snowy peak
Molded by earth and water
And able now to speak
Alone sets out to conquer all
below his snowy peak
Walking through the tempos frames
Each step he steps on creaks
Striding through the golden fields
That lie beneath his peak
Do all things is moderation
So do say the Greek
He did not know what lied in waiting
Beyond his snowy peak
He wandered too far off
And can no longer speak
Buried deep in earth
At the foot of snowy peak
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Comments: 5
Nicely done. You're not making it easy for yourself but you manage to keep it up.
I'll point out one line that's a little problematic (yeah, I'm knitpicking if that's the right word. I'm sorry, it's because I study this sort of stuff) in accent:
Do all things is moderation
In my feel of the poem (maybe it's my fault) the accent lies on do, the first word, where in the corresponding lines in other stanzas the accent goes on the second. But that's stuff I myself have a lot of difficulties with too, so who am I to judge?
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I can actually see what you mean.
I didn't meat to do it that way, I guess it just happend.
In what perspective do I not make it easy on myself?
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Putting your thoughts into a structure. I really can't do that for some reason.
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I love the ending. It's a really ncie structure poem ^^
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