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Nekoori — Goldilocks - Edgar Allan Poe
Published: 2008-04-11 02:11:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 865; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 5
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Description At long last, everything was finally ready. All was going well - it was perfect and flawless, an ideal arrangement. I could no longer contain my excitement, my sheer joy and elation for what I was about to carry out. At once I began to question my motives, but the tantalizing smell coming from the tiny cottage quickly extinguished any fear or repentance I had felt. The task ahead of me was the only thing that would occupy my mind.
It was all I could think about. I had cautiously prepared everything beforehand - nothing had been overlooked, I made sure of it. I had premeditated the whole plan and could see no imperfection, no fault. The time had been set, and the time was now.
The tiny family of three was set to leave at any moment now, and then, only then, could I begin my  utmost treachery. I waited impatiently, eager to carry out the first step of my plan. How clever I was, how unbelievably clever and sure of myself. I glanced around edgily, tapping my foot quietly, to the rapid beat of my heart.
Finally! I grinned in triumph as I could see the family walk away, leaving the door to their cottage slightly ajar. Oh how easy they were making this for me! It was as if I had already completed the task - I was thrilled.
I ever so cunningly made my way towards the cottage from my hiding place in the wood - slowly, quietly, stealthily. Only the slightest noise would alert my victims, and this crime had to be carried out perfectly. There was no room for mistakes.
The familiar smell washed over me as I made my way through the front door. That alluring smell, the smell that haunted and tempted me both by day and night, often causing my stomach to groan in protest. It was horrible and unspeakable - something that had to be dealt with immediately.
I crept towards the kitchen, each step making my stomach scream and growl in agony. But there was no time to pay attention to it’s vast hunger. I had gone many-a-day without food, and today would not be the first - it would hopefully be the last.
As I made my way towards the centre of my unforgettable nightmares, my goal. The realization that all my wild desires could be attained by reaching my goal in only a few paces before me drove my mind into a mad rage. I pulled out the tiny bottle of solution that would make this whole scheme either a success or failure. It depended on that one thing - the clear liquid that would lead to their ultimate suffering and death.
I swiftly put four drops into each of the three bowls laid prettily out on the table. I performed the deed quickly, the ghastly deed that would in due course lead to the demise of the horrible nightmares.
I had no time to gloat about the accomplishment, for at that precise moment I heard the family return from their outing. But no! They could not be returning this early! I could not have overlooked such a vital detail! I scurried as fast as my short legs could carry me up the stairs, seeming never-ending in my frantic search for a hiding place. I hid in silence under the frame of the largest of three beds, hoping my frenzied attempt of escape had gone unnoticed and unheard.
I could hear a loud thunder-like voice followed by a voice that sounded like a beating drum, and then a tiny squeaky voice. I loathed not knowing what was going on downstairs, not knowing whether my plan would be a success or not. It was agonizingly painful being aware that my future was dependant on what was happening just a mere hairsbreadth away, and I had no idea what that was.
My anticipation was mounting and I could barely keep still. It was too much for me, I could wait no longer. I surged down the stairs in a fit of wild passion only to find the family of three lying on the floor, looking as though they were sleeping. Alas! My plan, carried out flawlessly was an ultimate success!
I scampered over to the three bowls of porridge, the poignant substance of my nightmares. In my haste to curb my never-ending hunger I reached for the spoon to take a bite of the tantalizing substance. It tasted ever so sweet, much better than I had ever imagined, even in my wildest of dreams.
It was short lived, as I remembered placing the poison in all three of the bowls. The girl with golden hair was no more…
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Comments: 29

WildDaydreamer [2008-04-12 04:57:13 +0000 UTC]

What a paper!?
Honestly, anyone could of mistaken that Edgar Allen Poe could of written this himself.
You came out strongly and the fact that you described every action of "goldilocks" so well made the paper flow with strength and attention-grabbing awesomeness.
This is a great piece of work, and your diction with the words was truly remarkable.
I personally admire the way Poe rights, and it sometimes inspires some of my writings, but good mam, have totally blown me away.
^^
I shall proudly fav this, cause this is sumthing I want to read, over and over and over again.

The only thing I can say, is that you need to describe more of what Goldilocks is thinking before she eats the porridge. Alot of people might question as to why she did that, so you need a strong reason as to prove her reason of mind before she takes the poison.

TOTALLY LOVE THIS PAPER!
Love, Dreamer. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

Nekoori In reply to WildDaydreamer [2008-04-13 02:48:03 +0000 UTC]

Wow, you liked it that much!?
Thanks for the most amazing comment Dream, you totally made my day! *-*
And good point, I might add that in later. ^^

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WildDaydreamer In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-14 23:33:31 +0000 UTC]

your welcomes, love.
This story totally made my day too.
^^
It was quite the thrill.
It totally made me want to go eat some porridge....without..poison..^^
yea...no poison is nice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to WildDaydreamer [2008-04-15 01:39:05 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad >///<
I just ate porrige
Hopefully it wasn't poisoned...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WildDaydreamer In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-17 00:37:29 +0000 UTC]

*shrugs*
usually porridge is not poisoned where I'm from...
so I don't know about you guys....>_>
..
..
but then again...
we eat tofu rolls and crickets...
so...
I can't really say
>_<

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to WildDaydreamer [2008-04-17 01:56:23 +0000 UTC]

You are seriously telling me that you eat crickets!?


Uhh I really hope it isn't poisoned! DX

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WildDaydreamer In reply to WildDaydreamer [2008-04-12 04:59:04 +0000 UTC]

oops,
erase the question mark at the beginning.
and put "you" in front of good mam and have in the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I got too excited by this paper.
my bad.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to WildDaydreamer [2008-04-13 02:47:20 +0000 UTC]

No worries ^^

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SapphireAion [2008-04-11 23:01:05 +0000 UTC]

Your incredible!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to SapphireAion [2008-04-13 02:40:47 +0000 UTC]

>w<

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SapphireAion In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-14 03:14:56 +0000 UTC]



^_^

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Wowiie [2008-04-11 21:33:57 +0000 UTC]

Ahhh you have sucha cool writing style ! Absolutely love it <3
This version is way more interesting that the real one
I'm sur eyou'll get a great mark

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to Wowiie [2008-04-13 02:41:14 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much Keisha !
My teacher really loved it. c:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Paw-BR [2008-04-11 17:53:30 +0000 UTC]

Poeeeee .
The story is great! The twist in the tail is really good, and it differs a lot from the original story. I hope you get a high mark!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to Paw-BR [2008-04-13 02:42:10 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much ! <33

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Paw-BR In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-13 17:17:58 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure .

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Superdemon-Inuyasha [2008-04-11 16:47:53 +0000 UTC]

.... lol XD very nice! great job 8D

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to Superdemon-Inuyasha [2008-04-13 02:42:16 +0000 UTC]

Thanks <3

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cat-nap [2008-04-11 05:24:04 +0000 UTC]

Two questions:
1. Why did the bears return home so quickly?
2. How did the girl forget that she had put the poison in the porridge?

Overall, you are a very good writer! You have a great vocabulary, as well! <3 I know you'll get a good grade. :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to cat-nap [2008-04-13 02:43:33 +0000 UTC]

1. Uhmmm...?
2. Because...?

Lulz I don't know, but those are good points!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

cat-nap In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-13 03:14:54 +0000 UTC]

1. DD:!
2. :000!

XDD;

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to cat-nap [2008-04-13 16:48:23 +0000 UTC]

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Gumidrop [2008-04-11 02:31:38 +0000 UTC]

whoaa.. ur a good writer ;c;

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to Gumidrop [2008-04-13 02:45:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

gelertyfun4every1 [2008-04-11 02:24:36 +0000 UTC]

o.0

Wow! I love it. Whoever your teacher is better give you an A!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to gelertyfun4every1 [2008-04-13 02:45:41 +0000 UTC]

She said I would get 100%
^^

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KnightWolfGirlRose [2008-04-11 02:18:55 +0000 UTC]

0.0 Oh me like. i really love they fact that it has a BIG twist to it compared to the original version. I hope you get an A on it Neko. It's great. And a nice twist to it as well. Good luck with it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nekoori In reply to KnightWolfGirlRose [2008-04-13 02:47:09 +0000 UTC]

Haha thanks so much Kish!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

KnightWolfGirlRose In reply to Nekoori [2008-04-13 23:14:44 +0000 UTC]

Your very welcome.

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