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PennedinWhite — Books and Coffee
#argument #blame #books #bookstore #coffee #disbelief #evening #insult #lies
Published: 2018-06-29 03:30:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 252; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 0
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"Do you know what 'Plan B' is?" Brian gave me a stern look. 

I shrank back but returned his stare with annoyance etched clearly on my face. My intelligence refused to lick its undeserving wound. Brian had taken a cheap shot at my supposed naivety.  

"Yes, I am young, but not ignorant." I snarked, expressing my objection to the stab. "It's an emergency contraceptive." 

My tone was flat. I was not about to sit there and take the punches he delivered. It was early evening when we arrived at Barnes and Noble. Jeremiah, Brian, and I sat drinking a cup of our preferred warm beverage. Brian sat to my immediate left with Jeremiah then sitting across the table. Despite the attempt to gang up on me, Brian was far from winning the current argument. I was determined to try and stand up for myself. 

For being a large and imposing person, Jeremiah was soft spoken and more like a big teddy bear than anything else. I had expected him to stand up for me against the allegations coming from his smaller counterpart, but he was quiet during the back and forth conversation. Brian, on the other hand, was considerably smaller than Jeremiah. He was below average height, but a normal teenage boy skinny; and yet, he made my heart race in anger and humiliation. We had become more connected than I ever cared to be at this stage of my life. He had started the chain of falling dominos, and no one knew.  

"It's an abortion pill," Brian argued, taking a quick sip of his coffee. 

I wanted to slap him. He was trying to treat me like a child, and he was spewing stupidity at moving targets. Even if I believed him; even if it was true, who at this table cared? Children did not need to be in our lives right now. 

"No... It prevents implantation." I tried explaining. "No future babies were created or hurt." 

"Did you not hear me? Aaron killed a child," he tried to insist.  

The conversation felt very demeaning in my direction, even though Brian was the one spreading lies. Jeremiah continued to remain silent, but he seemed to be uncomfortable in doing so. 

"We shouldn't be interfering with God's plan," Brian said. 

It took everything to stay my hand and keep it from his face. My cheeks flushed in anger. 

"So, I don't matter." I snipped. "My thoughts and emotions are irrelevant." 

"Aaron shouldn't have given you that pill," he shifted the focus of the conversation. "He had no right, without consulting everyone involved." 

The shift took me off guard, and I was beginning to feel as if I was missing something; a piece of the story puzzle that had not unraveled yet. 

"He had my best interest in mind. Besides, I took the pill willingly, no matter its purpose," I defended. 

Standing up from my chair, I removed myself from the toxic situation. We had reached a stalemate, and anything said would do more harm than good. There was no changing anyone's mind. I had to walk away for my own sanity.  

Chai in hand, I made my way upstairs. Roaming the shelves, I tried to hide in the depths of surrounding books. I prayed they would not follow me, or find me in the rows of words. The need to be alone was overwhelming. It was a craving. After meandering for several minutes, I picked a spot on the floor in the fantasy section and picked a book to read while I sat.  

To my disappointment, Jeremiah found me leaning against a shelf. The book in my hands was not particularly enticing, but I was done talking with anyone.  

"Shara..." Jeremiah took a seat next to me. 

I did not look up or acknowledge his presence. Why should I anyways? He let Brian verbally assault me on top of everything else, on top of the other night. It was then that I remembered I was wearing Brian's ROTC jacket. He had given it to me, at least I thought he had. Did he say all those things because he cared, or was I being naively delusional? The internal battle waged; neither argument winning. Maybe he did like me. Maybe I consented and I was not a victim.  

"Shara... Listen." Jeremiah whispered, breaking up my thoughts. "It was all planned." 

The book fell to my lap, but no words came from my mouth. 

"I had hoped I heard wrong, but it just made too much sense with how everything too place," he sighed. "Jim was trying to get Brian laid, and you just happened to be there that night." 

My chin touched my chest as I closed my eyes, trying to block the words coming from Jeremiah's lips. I could not stop my mind from spinning out of control. 

"The idea was to get everyone drunk and set things up from there. It was Jim's plan, and he executed it with you in the picture. I don't know if that was the initial goal, but that is how we believe it started."  

I did not believe him. Why would Jim take advantage of me like that? Were we not friends? 

"And, I am at least partially to blame. I enabled the whole thing with providing the drinks." Jeremiah bowed his head. "Shara, this wasn't supposed to happen to you. I am so sorry." 

"I wanted it to happen," I responded defiantly, rolling my shoulders back. "Besides, you weren't even there. How do you know?" 

"At least not at the beginning, when it all started. Remember, I stepped out for another alcohol run." He admitted. "When I came back, I caught Aaron sitting on the basement stairs, watching, before I put two and two together. I was the one who gave him the blanket." 

I slumped against the bookcase, not knowing how to respond. The missing pieces of the puzzle were showing up, and I was not ready to put them together and deal with the emotional onslaught. I also did not know who to believe. It seemed like fingers were being pointed in all directions, except at those who were truly at fault. The way Aaron had taken care of me, with the contraceptive, I did not want to believe that he was also in the mix of the whole ordeal.  

"I'm not sure I believe you," I mumbled almost inaudibly. 

"You don't have to, but I am telling you the truth," Jeremiah shrugged with a concerned look on his face. "C'mon, let's get you home."

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Comments: 15

StrangelyShiny [2018-07-24 20:22:55 +0000 UTC]

"So, I don't matter." I snipped. "My thoughts and emotions are irrelevant." 

"Aaron shouldn't have given you that pill," he shifted the focus of the conversation. "He had no right, without consulting everyone involved." 

The easiest thing to do when backed into a corner is change the subject. It's a gutless, cowardly way of saving your own neck, yet it's done so often. 

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PennedinWhite In reply to StrangelyShiny [2018-07-24 20:55:31 +0000 UTC]

Quite true. He was a coward... they all were. Couldn't own up to the fact they did something wrong. 

Other than a text of "I'm sorry" (that part of the story is coming). 

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StrangelyShiny In reply to PennedinWhite [2018-07-25 02:38:35 +0000 UTC]

Oh I'm sure he was. <.<

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PennedinWhite In reply to StrangelyShiny [2018-07-25 14:37:28 +0000 UTC]

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BornWithTheSun [2018-07-09 15:06:00 +0000 UTC]

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LadyLincoln [2018-06-30 14:06:25 +0000 UTC]

When words fail: love you.

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PennedinWhite In reply to LadyLincoln [2018-07-01 01:53:43 +0000 UTC]

 

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pearwood [2018-06-29 17:39:10 +0000 UTC]

Ouch.

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PennedinWhite In reply to pearwood [2018-06-29 19:18:44 +0000 UTC]

This one was hard to write. Not because of the content, but 
I only really remembered what was discussed and how it was discussed, 
not what was actually said - for the most part. I do remember the 
abortion part the most clearly. Those boys were delusional, and 
they didn't want me to blame them for what happened... Hence the 
finger pointing. Heh.

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pearwood In reply to PennedinWhite [2018-07-01 00:09:10 +0000 UTC]

Yeah. We males can be awfully clueless.

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PennedinWhite In reply to pearwood [2018-07-02 13:26:06 +0000 UTC]

Unfortunately. I try to not hold it against you guys

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swissnaturelover In reply to PennedinWhite [2018-06-30 02:52:53 +0000 UTC]

The easiest things to do in life: Blame someone else, decline every responsibility, have the fun-part but to wipe out every trace of it.....
Never thinking about what it left behind for you.....

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PennedinWhite In reply to swissnaturelover [2018-07-02 13:26:14 +0000 UTC]

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swissnaturelover [2018-06-29 17:25:56 +0000 UTC]

I'm dumbstruck...... 

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PennedinWhite In reply to swissnaturelover [2018-06-29 19:19:00 +0000 UTC]

I am too...still. 

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