radiophonic [2005-03-18 22:33:27 +0000 UTC]

Not too bad. A little thin on imagry, but a good starting point if you wanted to add to it later.

Reminds me of Rawhead Rex

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dev-IAN-t [2005-03-18 08:33:48 +0000 UTC]

This poem seems to lack a bit of detail. There is this moster that is talked about, but never described. The reader has no sense of what is going on in the poem. What is the purpose of this narrative?

Thought he was dead...
But he is back...
And stronger than ever...

This is not exactly breaking new ground. The plot reads a bit like a horror movie sequel. I think by adding some detail and working on a plot twist of some sort this poem could be vastly improved.

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zebrazebrazebra [2005-03-18 08:28:24 +0000 UTC]

I'm going to do my best for advanced critique on this, but I have a staggering headache so I might miss stuff.

Firstly, 'resurrected', not 'ressurected'.
Secondly, unless you have a VERY good reason, don't use numerals in poetry. 'ten', not 10. That's an almost universal rule in literature.

Okay. My main problem with this piece is that I simply couldn't work out the point of it - so there's a monster. It got killed. It's back. But that's all we know. We can't identify with the monster or its murderers, and so we feel totally disconnected from the situation you're describing.

My other problem was that I felt the repetition really killed off a lot of the energy in the piece.

Some suggestions:
Use imagery. Describe what the monster is like.
Show us, don't just tell us. All you've done is narrated a story...try and use it to make us feel something. As a poet, you have the power to manipulate emotions. Use it.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but these are basic lessons that every poet learns at some stage. I've glanced through your other works and I'm pretty sure you know some of them already. But I hope this has been of some help.

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MTLV [2005-03-18 06:24:04 +0000 UTC]

my only complaint would be this was kind of short but I think it was a good poem maybe should make a continuation to this

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Angel-Soul [2005-03-10 21:06:54 +0000 UTC]

wow, you should advertise your poetry so that people can see it This is something I didn't expect, in a good way of course, I dont know, I guess it's just something that nobody has written about before! Reminds me of the silent parts in films when a monster is just about to jump out and drag someone away, Nice job

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