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Poetrymann — Shroud
Published: 2011-12-15 13:45:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 1763; Favourites: 66; Downloads: 6
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Description She weaves a dress upon the loom,
her neighbors knowing it's a shroud,
window dressing for a tomb -
she weaves a dress upon the loom.
Forbidden fruit has scarred the womb,
a stranger's face amidst the crowd,
she weaves a dress upon the loom -
her neighbors knowing it's a shroud.
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Comments: 67

Poetrymann In reply to ??? [2012-02-11 23:19:45 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much! I do not do much fixed form poetry and I deeply admire those who do. It takes a lot of discipline and creativity!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Mertus In reply to Poetrymann [2012-02-11 23:21:44 +0000 UTC]

No problem and I agree fixed form does take an awful lot of work. Dorthy Parker has some very nice triolets in her anthologies though.

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KatieRoo [2012-01-10 22:50:39 +0000 UTC]

A triolet! *goes on to google...*

Very well done - it gives you very much sense the of weaving..
And shroud happens to be one of my favourite words

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to KatieRoo [2012-01-18 20:54:42 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AuburnOleander [2011-12-19 03:52:14 +0000 UTC]

It makes me think of "The Lady of Shallott" and of "Strange Fruit". Not because of the content, but because of the shroud and loom and the fruit metaphor. The three pieces of work are very unrelated, but the keywords make me think of them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to AuburnOleander [2011-12-20 00:41:12 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

AuburnOleander In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-20 03:03:28 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CrimzonRose [2011-12-18 20:17:47 +0000 UTC]

I love this Brendan.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to CrimzonRose [2011-12-20 00:41:05 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I enjoyed writing this one.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

CrimzonRose In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-20 16:19:56 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RakloRay [2011-12-17 11:58:19 +0000 UTC]

Better than very good !
RR

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to RakloRay [2011-12-18 01:11:53 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

RakloRay In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-18 13:01:14 +0000 UTC]

Season's Greetings !
RR

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Mayumisan [2011-12-17 02:31:55 +0000 UTC]

...I don't get it. Does she have to kill her baby? @.@

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WaywardGypsy [2011-12-17 01:27:13 +0000 UTC]

triolet tres bien!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to WaywardGypsy [2011-12-18 01:11:33 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WaywardGypsy In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-18 23:56:16 +0000 UTC]

your welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rlkirkland [2011-12-16 18:11:52 +0000 UTC]

Hey, some good thought provoking power in this one.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to rlkirkland [2011-12-20 00:40:42 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am actually pleased with this one.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

OP1atedDreems [2011-12-16 10:52:28 +0000 UTC]

Excellent piece. It is like a dizzying spell really. So captivating.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to OP1atedDreems [2011-12-18 01:10:20 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

OP1atedDreems In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-18 01:59:50 +0000 UTC]

No problem. And Happy Holidays to you as well.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BeyondJen [2011-12-16 06:06:45 +0000 UTC]

There's a sad story, greater than 8 lines can normally tell.
I very much like the style.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to BeyondJen [2011-12-20 00:39:48 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

BeyondJen In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-29 18:54:05 +0000 UTC]

Completely my pleasure. :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SurrealCachinnation [2011-12-16 05:00:27 +0000 UTC]

Your writing makes my life worth living.

I really love this form. And your words work so beautifully with it!

Amazing work, as always.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to SurrealCachinnation [2011-12-30 21:40:27 +0000 UTC]

Many thanks! That is very appreciated!

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SurrealCachinnation In reply to Poetrymann [2012-01-01 21:17:44 +0000 UTC]

Sure thing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

j0rosa [2011-12-16 02:48:18 +0000 UTC]

wonderful

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to j0rosa [2011-12-18 01:14:27 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

toxic-nebulae [2011-12-15 21:49:34 +0000 UTC]

I like it!
it reminds me of the Lady of Shallot.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to toxic-nebulae [2011-12-20 00:39:40 +0000 UTC]

A favorite of mine. many thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

keyandheart [2011-12-15 21:10:32 +0000 UTC]

Very intriguing, i like it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to keyandheart [2011-12-18 01:14:15 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

keyandheart In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-18 18:43:33 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. Happy holidays to you too

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

QuenWrites [2011-12-15 20:31:02 +0000 UTC]

This reminds me of the story of Penelope weaving a shroud while Odysseus was away, saying she'll pay attention to her suitors once she's finished it, then unpicking it every night so she can remain faithful to Odysseus.

The scene in this poem is so easy to picture and it has a lovely sort of melancholy to it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to QuenWrites [2011-12-20 00:40:21 +0000 UTC]

I had forgotten about that story. Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

QuenWrites In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-20 13:25:10 +0000 UTC]

No problem

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Gender-Unknown [2011-12-15 19:40:46 +0000 UTC]

Never heard of a triolet, but love this

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to Gender-Unknown [2011-12-18 01:13:12 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I am very glad you like it! Happy Holidays.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DecemberForge [2011-12-15 16:32:27 +0000 UTC]

Is this by any chance based off the Scarlet Letter?

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Poetrymann In reply to DecemberForge [2011-12-15 16:43:01 +0000 UTC]

Oddly enough, I have never read it. I was not a fan of Hawthorne. It is also a bit darker than adultery.

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DecemberForge In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-15 17:06:06 +0000 UTC]

The only reason I asked is because Hester was only ever allowed to make shrouds after she was branded with the A. A shame really because she was the finest seamstress in town. I hated reading Hawthorne in school. My class and teacher just killed it for me. But I recently reread it and came to really appreciate it. If nothing else, I had to admire his ability to stretch a sentence.

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Poetrymann In reply to DecemberForge [2011-12-15 17:10:57 +0000 UTC]

I did not know that. The woman in my poem is weaving it for herself as she plans on taking her own life.

I might try reading him again now that I am older - I might appreciate him more.

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iliumleather [2011-12-15 16:21:46 +0000 UTC]

Very very cool

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Poetrymann In reply to iliumleather [2011-12-15 16:46:09 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! Something nice and dark...

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iliumleather In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-15 19:26:12 +0000 UTC]

I like. great work

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alapip [2011-12-15 15:47:50 +0000 UTC]

not only a 'form',
but a well told story
multiplies the art.

yes!

pip

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Poetrymann In reply to alapip [2011-12-15 16:45:52 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much. I like this form. it's short!!

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alapip In reply to Poetrymann [2011-12-15 16:49:32 +0000 UTC]

short is good...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0


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