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RedKaiKen — Trust
Published: 2009-12-26 04:40:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 3767; Favourites: 166; Downloads: 28
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Description
"I have trust issues..."I say as you sit and stare.
"So, what do you mean?"
You ask, not understanding.
I don't know how to explain.
But I try my best.
"I have trouble trusting people."
I slowly say.
"Oh."
You simply say.
As if you understand.
"Well, that's not,
That big of a deal."
You don't understand.
"Yes it is."
I simply say.
"I don't see how that is,
Everyone is like that."
You try to play it down.
"No, you're wrong."
So very wrong.
You don't know what its like,
To be around your friends and familly,
The people you care about.
And not trust them.
Not be able to trust them.
No matter how much you want to.
You don't know what it feels like.
The paranoia, the fear.
The guilt, the pain.
The self-hate, the resentment.
Feel so empty inside.
So isolated from everyone.
Even around many, I feel so alone.
"Why are you like this?"
You ask.
"Because of my past."
I say quietly.
"Your past?"
You want to understand.
"Yes, my trust was abused,
Back when I was younger."
Abused?
It was ripped apart.
Never want to be like that again.
I was back-stabbed,
So many times.
I can't keep track.
They came in and ruined,
My trust in human kind.
I wasn't like this,
They made me this.
I want to trust.
But I can't.
I could get hurt again.
I might get hurt again.
I would get hurt again.
Trust leads to nothing,
But pain and misery.
I learned that the hard way.
Trust broke my soul.
Trust shattered my heart.
Trust ruined my life.
So I won't open myself up to that.
Not again, not ever.
But I lied.
I want to trust.
I really do.
I can trust.
I really can.
But only to some.
Only a few.
"Well, do you trust me?"
You simply ask.
"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Will it change our friendship?"
"Never."
"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."
I tell you.
You're surprised.
I thought you'd understand.
You didn't.
I told you the truth.
That means I care enough,
Not to lie to you.
You said it would change nothing.
I was willing to trust you.
You lied.
I want to trust you, I really do.
"I have trust issues..."
"So, what do you mean?"
"I have trouble trusting people."
"Oh, well, that's not, that big of a deal."
"Yes it is."
"I don't see how that is, everyone is like that."
"No, you're wrong."
"Why are you like this?"
"Because of my past."
"Your past?"
"Yes, my trust was abused, back when I was younger."
"Well, do you trust me?"
"Why must you ask that?"
"Because I want to know."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Will it change our friendship?"
"Never."
"Are you telling the truth?"
"Of course I am, I wouldn't lie to you."
I wanted to trust you, I really did.
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Comments: 141
Yeah, that might help with things.
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I don't trust anyone anymore, I sit in silence most of the time, my friends don't know more than what has happened while I know them. I've lost all of my will to trust anyone at all, I stay close but create a gap between me and them. My one friend insist I trust him and all I can do is close my mouth and shake my head...
i really do want to trust him
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I understand, its hard, almost impossible, to open yourself up to trust again once you've been hurt. Talking to someone might help. I use to talk to someone, but something happened between us, so we don't anymore... Which is why I now express myself through my art. Which works well too.
And wanting to trust again is taking the first step to actually trusting someone. Just try and move forward and talk to him about why you can trust, it might help.
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i cant talk to anyone thats the thing, i already told him why i cant trust him it didn't help any 
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Hmm... Have you tried talking to any online friends? I find that its easier to talk to them about these kind of things. Oh I see, I understand about that. I had a friend like that... It didn't end so well, so I can't really offer any more help for that situation, sorry. And you're welcome
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thanks for the sugestion but i think i'll be okay.
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Okay. I hope things get better for you
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This is a very vulnerable, but good poem, and I could feel the sadness and sorrow in it while reading.
Having such problems like those, and not being able to be understood when they are confessed to someone are truly a scary thing. I can recognize that feeling that the opposite part doesn't seem to understand, perhaps not even want to understand or care. I feel like this is becoming a bigger problem because those who actually suffer from mental illness drowns in the wave of those who might just be whining a little too much.
I really liked how you repeated the conversation again at the end without the interruption of text like it was in the beginning, it was a really good way to "close" the poem.
It was also comfortable to read, yet I thought on the way that you could also have tried a version where you could put the sentences more beside each other instead of under each other. It would be interesting to see it in a more "text"-like atmosphere, but that's just my usual speculation when reading poems in general!
Extremely good work and well written! 
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Yeah, I like to put my feelings into my writings.
I'm scared of people not understanding; which it why I'm wary to confess to others this problem. Yeah, I feel the same way about that.
That idea kinda just popped into my head and I went with it and I'm glad I did. I think it adds more to the poem.
That might of been an interesting way to go. I usually write like this becuase... Well I don't really know, but its just how I always write poetry
And thank you so much, it really means a lot
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I only trust two... and the second one is rather iffy
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I know what you mean, one of the ones I trust is kinda iffy too.
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i have the opposite of this problem, i trust people too much and then i get stabed in the back-.- so i should have trust issues but well idk...im like a dog that gets kicked around and just keeps coming back for more lol i never learn anyway i love this poem its so beautiful well beautifully sad especially the ending
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I use to be like that. But its good that you haven't lost your ability to trust. And thank you
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"I trust only three of my RL friends"
Well I say that is a lot. I do have trust issues myself so I know what you mean. Though the reason is slightly different.
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Yeah, I guess its a lot. Though only one of them knows that I trust them, I haven't gotten the nerve to tell the other two. And thank you
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I identify with this so much. There's the side that wants to trust people and believe there are good people in the world and the other that just wants to shut everything out to avoid being hurt again. I love the simplicity and the whole inner conflict in this.
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Yeah its hard when part of you wants to trust and the other wants nothing to do with people. And thank you so much
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Slowly though. Slowly I'm learning that trusting people with some things does not lead to any harm. I hope the trend continues.
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Thank you. And I hope that the trends continues for you as well
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I so felt your pain in this. It really touched me. Some tears welled up in my eyes, but they didn't drop. Still, it pains me to know anyone feels this way. Trust me when I say you are not alone. I don't entirely understand in that I haven't experienced all of these feelings and emotions you have, but certainly some I have personally experienced. So you're not alone. I'm sure many others feel the same. I know what it's like to fear rejection. I'm experiencing that now. But how about maybe just maybe one friend you give the benefit of the doubt in sharing with him or her your feelings. You may be pleasantly surprised. Just think about it.
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Oh wow, I didn't know my writings could do that to people. I'm beginning to see that a lot of people have trust issues like me. Yeah rejection hurts a lot, I know how you feel. The sad part is that I did that around a month ago with a friend, at first is was great... But in the end I ended up getting hurt. I'm still recovering from that so I'm kinda wary to try it again. But I'm going to think about trying it again.
And thank you so much, it means a lot
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I wish you didn't have to go through that. As I said I can relate to you, but if I gave up all hope in people I wouldn't have gained the friendships I have with people who are more than trustworthy. I guess it's a balancing act that you have to take control of. Remember though you've gone through difficult experiences, you've learned from them. So you can prepare yourself for the worst and be pleasantly surprised when you receive the best. But I understand it takes time to heal. So I'm glad you're thinking about it. Don't do anything until you're ready.
And you're so very welcome.
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Yeah, its not fun to go through things like this, but as you said I've learned from them. Hopefully I can use the experience for something good someday. It takes awhile for me to heal, but talking with everyone on here that has also gone through things like this has greatly helped. It means the world to me to talk to others that understand, and it lets me know I'm not alone.
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I hope I'm one of those who have contributed to that help because you've certainly helped me.
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Excelllent job. With me there are times when I'll trust anyone, even when I shouldn't; there are times when I won't trust those I should trust. So I know how you feel, sometimes at least. Sometimes it's just easier to open up to someone you don't know irl, simply because they can't hurt you (:
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Thank you. And yeah its easier to talk with the people you may never meet.
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I'm almost the exact opposite, actually. I'm very trusting in people. Not right away, but quickly.
The only people I don't trust are those with alcohol; I have huge issues with alcohol. >_>
But I'm sorry you feel that way about people. I hope you can improve your trust as time goes on. I'm rooting for you! :3
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I use to be that way. But after being back-stabbed and betrayed so much I can't be like that anymore.
I know what you mean, my Dad use to drink a lot.
Thank you so much, I hope I can too
And thank you for the fav <3
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I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by people in my life whom I can always trust, so I've never really been exposed to that. But I'm sorry you went through that. It's not a good feeling.
Both my mom and her bf drink, so I've developed a hate for it. And I get tense in liquor stores and stuff. I don't have a choice. -_-; But I digress.
You're welcome. :3
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Yeah, its not fun to go through, that's for sure -_-
Yeah, I've never been fond of it either, my dad always got mean and nasty when he drank. I guess I should be lucky that he doesn't anymore.
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But like I said before, I hope you get past it.
You should thank your lucky stars that he doesn't drink anymore. I'm still stuck with my mom and her bf, but I'm hoping that it changes soon.
Thanks for talking to me. Take care!
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Sad, and true, i know how you feel, i dont know how many friend i have that haves mental illness but i know how you feel. If we know each other in real life, ill understand that you dont trust me :3
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Thank you so much
Its nice knowing that they're people out there that would understand.
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no problem ^^
but what makes me sad is that there are people who wouldn't understand....or wont understand our mental-illness.....
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Yeah, that's what scares me the most.. Whether my friends would understand if I told them. I'm scared of losing them.
(And thank you for the fav <3)
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I understand, i lost one of my friends telling what my mental-Illness was and he kinda laugh at me and left saying bad things about me....so i dont particularity trust in them
[no problem ^^]
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Oh wow, sorry that happened 
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Mhm, i wish humanity can understand each other
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Yeah, me too. It would make this a better place.
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This is excellent. Sad, of course, but I can identify. Very excellent work
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Thank you
And thank you for the fav :3
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