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Description
Show: Short Film
Episode: N/A
Year: 2000

Writer(s): Don Hertzfeldt

"You never want to lie to your audience... you can trick them, you can disturb them, you can annoy them, but you can never lie to your audience. To me, commercials are nothing but lies."
-Don Hertzfeldt

If there was even an answer to where the asdfmovie series came from, it’s Rejected. It's legitimately one of Mr. Hertzfeldt's most ambitious projects even after everything he's created being on a grander scale. Rejected was something I've been wanting to talk all about for a very long time, but I didn't really… know what to say... what CAN you say about something like this? Even the text commentary for this thing... it doesn't really explain much for how fucking strange this is! But then it all came to me during my mad rush to unite DeviantArt to protect Net Neutrality: THIS IS TRUE BRILLIANCE!

The works of Don Hertzfeldt have always had this very brilliant and clever methodology of being extremely poignant and deep by using what to the naked eye seems to be complete and undiluted madness. Even when he reuses some assets like the jet sound in Billy's Balloon, it comes off as surprising. On the surface, these skits like the bit with the banana and the very obviously intentionally bad lip-synching at certain skits have no purpose and come off as these cutting room floor sketches not meant for the public eye. People can interpret those fluffy creatures seen in this and Mr. Hertzfeldt's other works as sheep or whatever, but labels only serve to limit the creative mind and prevent it from achieving nirvana.

To be fair, you have to have a very high I.Q. to understand the works of Don Hertzfeldt. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics, most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also the heavy nihilistic tones that Mr. Hertzfeldt has woven into each one of his works such as It’s Such a Beautiful Day which heavily draws from Narodnaya Volya literature for instance. The fans understand this stuff: they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny, they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence, people who fail to understand Don Hertzfeldt truly ARE idiots… of course, they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humor in this line from It’s Such a Beautiful Day: "Bill picked up his new medication, went home, and masturbated for seven hours", which itself is a cryptic reference to Ivan Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Don Hertzfeldt's genius unfolds itself. What fools... how I pity them... And yes, by the way, I DO have a tattoo from his Simpsons couch gag. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only. And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 I.Q. points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

Within the span of 9 minutes, you as the viewer will see how an America without Net Neutrality would look as the very fabric of reality is torn asunder… how a world without the freedoms we take for granted affects all of us! How the anti-consumeristic themes and anti-corporate messages are actually taken and warped by real ad companies undermining how Mr. Hertzfeldt himself has REJECTED more offers to make commercials than he cares to talk about! Don't you simple-minded FOOLS get it? All of these skits for this movie are a MASSIVE middle finger to the corporate devil that seeks to control our very way of life! Companies like Spectrum, AT&T, Verizon, etc. having them be in a constant war over who gets to control the Internet and have it split up by providers and paywalls like some shitty video game you already paid $60 for only to have micro transactions will have DETRIMENTAL effects in how we as a society in America can function! Ever since Richard Nixon took us off the gold standard, things have only been going downhill for the United States of America with it just becoming one MASSIVE doormat for the world!

Them fluffy things Mr. Hertzfeldt always uses like in The Animation Show skits? Those are the people too FUCKING STUPID to fully comprehend what's going on around them while those of us who are observant of the world around us suffer and slowly bleed out while the onlookers just smile and dance! This shit is how the Nazis got as far as they did! One day, you're… you're… you're just having fun… dancing around being all: "LIFE IS GOOD!" And then BAM! YOUR ANUS IS BLEEDING! And nobody gives a shit... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! AND ALL THAT IS HOLY! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

Don't you see? Without meaningful input or any reason or coherent narrative structure, we as a society and all we have wrought will begin to fall apart! This is why critics and reviews exist, this is why government exists for all the fucking anarchists who think no government whatsoever is the best solution to the world's problems! In a perfect world, the FCC or the government would never be needed for any country, but the world isn't perfect! This is why we can't allow these things to have too much power in order to keep stability and balance the best we can! Sometimes you need to FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS! It is all these things and more why Rejected has earned its acclaim!

(For the betterment of the human race, it is advised you stop reading here if you do not wish to know of the fate of our world and universe. But you should still read anyways as it emphasizes the very importance of this film's role in our cosmic hourglass.)

In 2663, the Rylakian Crab Apes will have declared this film their glories high leader and begun beaming directly into their exo-skulls every moon cycle holiday while masturbating excessively. It was here on their home planet of Rylak that the Giant Holy Spoon of Toobigia was erected and ceremoniously chanted at in little squeaking voices. "Eye stalks!" The Crab Apes laughed, "Those primitive hoo-mans had to experience moving pictures with their eye stalks!" And all the Crab Apes had to purchase this collection of films all over again in order to upgrade. In 2843, a Rylakian archeologist unearthed the long-lost tomb of Rejected's author and wept with joy as he ceremoniously stuffed the artist's remains deep inside the highly personal orifice between his hairy legs. "It is like he is now a part of meeeee!" cried the Crab Ape. In 3221, the Crab Apes were summarily executed by the Southern Squid Lords who declared the cartoon "highly overrated".

In 30125, the sun exploded, destroying the Earth along with every last copy of the movie that hadn't already been devoured by the plastic-scavenging Dogworms. Bellies full of partially-digested DVDs and film cans, the Dogworms howled miserably at their dying sun as they were slowly disintegrated to a million billion sparkly little burning bits. "Woooo", they howled, followed soon after by "waaaa" and "skreeeeee". In 37163, a revival of the film, loosely adapted from obscure ancient Earth mythology, was staged as a high school play on the Rondar Moon by sentient flippered beings, it was not very good.

In 83414219, after the great re-implosion of all matter in the universe, an identical version of Rejected was created in an alternate dimension of late-20th century Earth by a struggling young animator. This time, however, the film did not meet with any measure of success. One critic noted it was "like watching mud burn", and the camera negative was eventually wadded up and placed on the end of sticks to scrub cattle tumors. Soon after, the artist established a career in grocery bagging before fading into the obscure traffic of time.

REJECTED is owned by Don Hertzfeldt, the Queen of France.

1001 Animations is from

Regulas314

Description
Show: Short Film
Episode: N/A
Year: 2000

Writer(s): Don Hertzfeldt

"You never want to lie to your audience... you can trick them, you can disturb them, you can annoy them, but you can never lie to your audience. To me, commercials are nothing but lies."
-Don Hertzfeldt

If there was even an answer to where the asdfmovie series came from, it’s Rejected. It's legitimately one of Mr. Hertzfeldt's most ambitious projects even after everything he's created being on a grander scale. Rejected was something I've been wanting to talk all about for a very long time, but I didn't really… know what to say... what CAN you say about something like this? Even the text commentary for this thing... it doesn't really explain much for how fucking strange this is! But then it all came to me during my mad rush to unite DeviantArt to protect Net Neutrality: THIS IS TRUE BRILLIANCE!

The works of Don Hertzfeldt have always had this very brilliant and clever methodology of being extremely poignant and deep by using what to the naked eye seems to be complete and undiluted madness. Even when he reuses some assets like the jet sound in Billy's Balloon, it comes off as surprising. On the surface, these skits like the bit with the banana and the very obviously intentionally bad lip-synching at certain skits have no purpose and come off as these cutting room floor sketches not meant for the public eye. People can interpret those fluffy creatures seen in this and Mr. Hertzfeldt's other works as sheep or whatever, but labels only serve to limit the creative mind and prevent it from achieving nirvana.

To be fair, you have to have a very high I.Q. to understand the works of Don Hertzfeldt. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics, most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also the heavy nihilistic tones that Mr. Hertzfeldt has woven into each one of his works such as It’s Such a Beautiful Day which heavily draws from Narodnaya Volya literature for instance. The fans understand this stuff: they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny, they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence, people who fail to understand Don Hertzfeldt truly ARE idiots… of course, they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humor in this line from It’s Such a Beautiful Day: "Bill picked up his new medication, went home, and masturbated for seven hours", which itself is a cryptic reference to Ivan Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Don Hertzfeldt's genius unfolds itself. What fools... how I pity them... And yes, by the way, I DO have a tattoo from his Simpsons couch gag. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only. And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 I.Q. points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

Within the span of 9 minutes, you as the viewer will see how an America without Net Neutrality would look as the very fabric of reality is torn asunder… how a world without the freedoms we take for granted affects all of us! How the anti-consumeristic themes and anti-corporate messages are actually taken and warped by real ad companies undermining how Mr. Hertzfeldt himself has REJECTED more offers to make commercials than he cares to talk about! Don't you simple-minded FOOLS get it? All of these skits for this movie are a MASSIVE middle finger to the corporate devil that seeks to control our very way of life! Companies like Spectrum, AT&T, Verizon, etc. having them be in a constant war over who gets to control the Internet and have it split up by providers and paywalls like some shitty video game you already paid $60 for only to have micro transactions will have DETRIMENTAL effects in how we as a society in America can function! Ever since Richard Nixon took us off the gold standard, things have only been going downhill for the United States of America with it just becoming one MASSIVE doormat for the world!

Them fluffy things Mr. Hertzfeldt always uses like in The Animation Show skits? Those are the people too FUCKING STUPID to fully comprehend what's going on around them while those of us who are observant of the world around us suffer and slowly bleed out while the onlookers just smile and dance! This shit is how the Nazis got as far as they did! One day, you're… you're… you're just having fun… dancing around being all: "LIFE IS GOOD!" And then BAM! YOUR ANUS IS BLEEDING! And nobody gives a shit... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! AND ALL THAT IS HOLY! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

Don't you see? Without meaningful input or any reason or coherent narrative structure, we as a society and all we have wrought will begin to fall apart! This is why critics and reviews exist, this is why government exists for all the fucking anarchists who think no government whatsoever is the best solution to the world's problems! In a perfect world, the FCC or the government would never be needed for any country, but the world isn't perfect! This is why we can't allow these things to have too much power in order to keep stability and balance the best we can! Sometimes you need to FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS! It is all these things and more why Rejected has earned its acclaim!

(For the betterment of the human race, it is advised you stop reading here if you do not wish to know of the fate of our world and universe. But you should still read anyways as it emphasizes the very importance of this film's role in our cosmic hourglass.)

In 2663, the Rylakian Crab Apes will have declared this film their glories high leader and begun beaming directly into their exo-skulls every moon cycle holiday while masturbating excessively. It was here on their home planet of Rylak that the Giant Holy Spoon of Toobigia was erected and ceremoniously chanted at in little squeaking voices. "Eye stalks!" The Crab Apes laughed, "Those primitive hoo-mans had to experience moving pictures with their eye stalks!" And all the Crab Apes had to purchase this collection of films all over again in order to upgrade. In 2843, a Rylakian archeologist unearthed the long-lost tomb of Rejected's author and wept with joy as he ceremoniously stuffed the artist's remains deep inside the highly personal orifice between his hairy legs. "It is like he is now a part of meeeee!" cried the Crab Ape. In 3221, the Crab Apes were summarily executed by the Southern Squid Lords who declared the cartoon "highly overrated".

In 30125, the sun exploded, destroying the Earth along with every last copy of the movie that hadn't already been devoured by the plastic-scavenging Dogworms. Bellies full of partially-digested DVDs and film cans, the Dogworms howled miserably at their dying sun as they were slowly disintegrated to a million billion sparkly little burning bits. "Woooo", they howled, followed soon after by "waaaa" and "skreeeeee". In 37163, a revival of the film, loosely adapted from obscure ancient Earth mythology, was staged as a high school play on the Rondar Moon by sentient flippered beings, it was not very good.

In 83414219, after the great re-implosion of all matter in the universe, an identical version of Rejected was created in an alternate dimension of late-20th century Earth by a struggling young animator. This time, however, the film did not meet with any measure of success. One critic noted it was "like watching mud burn", and the camera negative was eventually wadded up and placed on the end of sticks to scrub cattle tumors. Soon after, the artist established a career in grocery bagging before fading into the obscure traffic of time.

REJECTED is owned by Don Hertzfeldt, the Queen of France.

1001 Animations is from

Regulas314